


Short Days, Darker Nights.

by ahhhh



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Blood and Gore, Child Abuse, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Vampires
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-30
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-08-27 19:18:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 44,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8413492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahhhh/pseuds/ahhhh
Summary: It isn't fun being daughter of the Principle Especially when the school is a super strict one. In Anchorage.Laura is starting yet another year readying for boredom, bullying and exclusion.Carmilla and Will are hiding from their past. Trying to blend in.Where better than a place where the sun sets early and rises late?Will is trying his hardest to fit in, act normal and pretend that they are normal students.Carmilla isn't. Isn't willing to adapt. Isn't willing to stop hunting.    “Why? Don’t you miss it Will?”   “What?”   “The violence? The fear in the person’s blood as it rushes and surges… Being a predator.”    When her behavior raises questions the girl who is into journalism is obviously going to delve into what's happening.Though humans can kill each other too...This is going to start dark and get even darker.





	1. one: the first day is the longest

The familiar path up to the school was coated in snow. Everything was. We got like two metres of the stuff a year. Plus a lot of it doesn’t melt. That was quite a lot taller than me. Still it was nice to crunch it under foot. Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. Erm-hum. The sun wasn’t up. It wouldn’t be for over an hour. Some first years glanced over at me nervously and then away. They were shy! Though probably not as shy as my first day which was spent cowering in a hood.

 

Walking into the main building the instinct to shake like a dog to get the snow off kicked in even though it wasn’t snowing. The sound of ill concealed laughter, ah to remember it on the first day back. Terrific. Just scurry off. 

 

It was almost impressive to be late for the first assembly of the school year. Time just fluttered away. That or giving into easy distractions. Either way it wasn’t worth the eyes of the whole school staring with bemusement. 

 

“Laura hurry,” the headmaster snapped. People thought having the headmaster as a father would have benefits. It was the opposite. He was twice as much of a hard ass and not much nicer at home. No time to even find friends in the assembly. 

 

“Hopefully that won’t be the precedent you’re setting for this year,” he added just to pour some unnecessary salt to the humiliation. The wounds. The wounds of humiliation. Huh? Nevermind. “Anyway, now we’ve all showed up I would like to apologize to those of you who actually bothered to turn up on time.” Wow again, really? The headmaster, as he was now, introduced new students, congratulated the achievements of students. Same old. “Now on a more serious note, Elizabeth Spielsdorf has been reporting missing as of last week and the police will most likely come to speak to the school and her year soon. So represent the school well and don’t lie.”

 

Muttering broke out and he stamped his foot loudly on the basketball court being used for the assembly. 

 

“Quiet! That’s enough. Missing means missing and I won’t have any idle gossip circulating. Now welcome to our new students and best of luck, start with a sprint not a walk and get to work!” 

 

How inspiring. 

 

“L!” 

 

“Oh hey.”

 

Finally. Friends! Laf and Danny found me in the crowds milling through the hallways and funnelling off into classrooms. 

 

“What happened with Betty?”

 

“Haven’t you heard?”

 

“Obviously not?” Wouldn’t ask if I knew. “Dad doesn’t let me out much.”

 

“She parties all the time, the rumor is her parents took her to rehab,” Danny said not looking at us but over at someone else. “Who’s that?” No idea. She had a much better height to see over the crowd. “New guy?”

 

“Whatever,” Lafontaine grabbed Danny’s arm and tugged. “Let’s go. Chemistry first. I need to make a good impression so whoever is our teachers lets me use the lab after hours.”

 

“Nerd.”

 

“Proud of it.” 

 

“I have English…”

 

“Ok, see you later L. Danny, stop staring for fucks sake.” 

 

Well alone again. That was a nice respite of brief conversation. English alone. Definitely would get picked to read a part in a play with loads and loads of lines. The centre of attention. Yuck. Nope. No friendly faces in English. Of course why would there be. 

 

It seemed impossible the most popular of the popular girls managed to look they way they did and not get pneumonia. Living here did mean wearing layers. Lots of layers. How those girls managed to make them form fitting layers was almost impossible. My heavy jacket went down to the knee, and even a little further than that. The arms went past the hand. Swinging. Wooly hat was too big and came down the forehead. Even a headmaster could be cheap. Cheap and apparently uncaring about the bullying one might experience if they dressed like a dork.

 

No one spoke. At least not to me. Just shuffle past, begin the arduous process of removing some of the layers and wait. There was a plan. 

 

“Ms Hollis find a seat please.”

 

Twice in a morning, singled out by a teacher in front of people. It wasn’t going to be a good year was it? Just bury your face in your book and try not to attract attention. It was simple. Being small meant it was easy to slink. Slink. That’s a weird word. 

 

“Right we’re getting right into it. Take out your books, take out note paper, if anyone forgot a pen on the first day you’ll be in detention.”

 

Pens, in a pencil case which was a lion and the open was the jaws and the teeth poked out! It was a lot of fun. Paper. Book. The Tempest. A little passe. 

 

“Excuse me?”

 

Who was that? New girl. Wow. Ok. New pretty girl. Pretty new girl. The new girl was pretty. 

 

“Yes?”

 

“This English?”

 

“Yes. I don’t like your tone.”

 

“‘K.” 

 

A brunette girl, with dark raven hair obscuring most of her face entered the class. She was really pretty. Like too pretty to be here. In this corner of the world. Also wait. How was she not dead. Wearing just a leather jacket and black jeans? It was like 30 maybe 35 degrees. With a strong wind. She walked with a confidence, completely unaffected by the anger radiating off the teacher. Sauntering to the back of the class and just dumping her black satchel on the table next to mine. 

 

“Anyway, after that interruption books, pens, paper, read. Go.”

 

Reading wasn’t too bad. Reading notes in the book… It was dull but no pretending to be a male count or sea captain with judgement coming in from all angles. Shame. Awful shame. It would come soon. 

 

“I don’t see notes being taken. You, new girl, read, take notes.”

 

The teaching enlightenment of caring and nurturing a desire for knowledge and learning hadn’t made it this far North. At least not this school, there was apparently a cool high school near the park in the city with a fun art design and young teachers who didn’t disdain the students for existing. Though it might just be a myth. A wonderful myth. 

 

Quick glance. The new girl wasn’t reading or taking notes just leaning back in her chair staring at the head of the class defiantly tapping a pen loudly on the edge of the table. Her face obscured by her hair my side. 

 

“I said…” The teacher spoke and just trailed off. Quick glance at the teacher. Just frozen staring at the new girl. Shaking head, look of confusion and sitting at their desk. Odd. Another quicker glance at the new girl, still not working just tapping away. That was strange. Odd. Already covered what it was. Not normal. 

 

Did that mean that no one had to read? Tempting but not wanting to fail and all that jazz. So read boring words and hope the old brain could remember the stuff in type which was important. 

 

First class back was always super long. It was a mental trick. As you fell out the habit.Otherwise this year would last like five years… Longer. It would feel longer than it was. If those lessons felt… Yeah. 

 

“Are you following me?”

 

“No.”

 

Almost walked directly into the new girl, standing directly in front of me arms crossed angrily. Say something.

 

“It isn’t following if you didn’t mean to do it?” Did that make sense… Yeah it did. No answer, just a bored expectant look, eh say more things then. “Your eyes are really…” Don’t say that. Her eyes were strange though. Really dark. Couldn’t really look at her directly in the eyes. “Wasn’t following you… Hi. By the way. Laura Hollis.” No response still. Just the same look, somehow becoming even more bored. “Me.” Didn’t need to clarify. Definitely didn’t need to point at myself. “What’s your name?”

 

Just a huff and rolling of the eyes and she turned around. Just wait a couple of beats then keep going to the next class. Biology. Eugh. How was it possible to be late again? Maybe the halls were magic and only affected me. Definitely would keep an eye out for that. Not a crazy thing to do. Especially if no one else is told about it.

 

“Not following you.” Just sat down without looking. It wasn’t done on purpose. Just slid into a biology bench next to the new girl. No response just a cocked eyebrow on the side of her face which wasn’t covered by her curled hair. Ah. This was awkward. Just get your things out and draw cubes. Then pyramids. Can’t be staring because of the cubes and pyramids.

 

“Welcome class, welcome.” The teacher walked around dropping huge textbooks in between each pair of students. “Share. Page 34. Got it? Good. Read.” More reading. Not the most inspiring way to start the year. 

 

“Hi.” No reply again. “Let me know when you want to turn the page.” Nothing again. Guess I wouldn’t be making a new friend. It was more dullness. She didn’t say a word. Glancing over after a while and realized she wasn’t reading, just leaning back he in chair and looking up at the ceiling. 

 

-

 

“Did you see the new guy?”

 

“No.”

 

“No.”

 

“No.

 

“He was so good looking,” Danny was frustrated no one had said yes. 

 

“Didn’t see him.”

 

“Shit, you’re the worst. I need taller friends.”

 

“I saw the new girl, sat next to her in English and Biology.” That awkward look where no one replied. Again. “She didn’t say anything.” Don’t know why I would offer up that information. “New.” 

 

“Right.”

 

===c=== 

 

“That was painful.”

 

“One day at a time.”

 

“I can’t do one more fucking day. One was too much.”

 

“We talked about this for a long time. This is the best option for now.”

 

“Is it?”

 

“Yes. You need to calm down.”

 

“I need to? I’m angry but I can keep it under control. You can’t, you must be starving.”

 

“No. No I’m not.”

 

“Oh really? Have you been naughty? After all that preaching?”

 

“No. I have… It wasn’t a person.”

 

“Oh no. You’ve been eating rats?”

 

“No! Come on. Shit I’m not that self-hating. Like foxes and mountain goats. I’ll look for some moose when we’re settled in.”

 

“Fucking pathetic.”

 

“We agreed. You agreed to try.”

 

“I went didn’t?”

 

“That girl the headmaster mentioned at the start of the day. Know anything about that?”

 

“Me? How could you?”

 

“Do you?”

 

“No idea.”

 

“How can you have no idea?”

 

“I don’t remember their names? Who gives a shit, do you learn the names of the foxes first?”

 

“Of course not but it’s different.”

 

“I’m sorry mr fox but I need to live with this curse! Woe! You do kill the animals right?”

 

“Well… No. I don’t need to so why bother?”

 

“How have you become this big of a pussy?”

 

“It’s not that. We agreed. We’re staying here. Killing fellow school mates isn’t going to help.”

 

“I wasn’t trying to help. I was trying to eat.”

 

“Be more careful.”

 

“You too. You know violent PETA can get?”

 

“Bitch.”

 

“Fag.”

 

“I’m going. Also get yourself a winter coat. It’s suspicious that you’re not cold.”

 

Agreeing to come to a school of all places had taken him a long, long time. However he managed it in the end. It was humiliating. Having to act like teenagers were peers and middle aged teachers were some sort of authority figure would be tricky. Will was walking away in the snow, crunching off into the woods. Probably to murder the cast of a Disney movie. 

 

“Remember to breath as well,” he muttered to himself yards away now. I could still hear it over the cold, vicious whip of the wind. That was just insulting. Being much older than him. Time to eat. That Elizabeth girl. She was accident. Just a long trip without eating. I got a little overzealous. Didn’t mean I was going to start hunting for fluffy creatures in the trees like a woodsman in 1740. 

 

Not that I would ever admit it to anyone but foxes were cute. No way could I hurt one… Nevermind that. In good time I could find a steady source of food from the school. I refuse to think of it as my school. For now the city would do. I could still hear Will’s feet trudged in the snow off into the woods. Mine went far faster, imperceptibly fast to an onlooker in the opposite direction into the city. 

 

=

 

“You’re late.”

 

“I should be going to sleep now.”

 

“How many times… If we agreed to do this you can’t fight me at every turn.”

 

“I can.”

 

“Still no jacket? Or hat? It’s cold enough to kill a person.”

 

“A hat would mess up my hair.”

 

“Unbelievable. Why is that little girl staring at you?”

 

“Because of how I look I’m presuming,” I snapped looking to see who he meant. “No idea.” It was that girl who sat next to me that class with the uppity teacher. Possible food source. “Jealous people stare?”

 

“The day I’m jealous of you is the day I go for a midday stroll.”

 

“Please let it be today.”

 

“Charming.”

 

“I’m not saying I want you to die just… Well yeah I am saying that.”

 

“Lightning wit.”

 

“I should be going to sleep two hours ago.”

 

“You didn’t sleep? What the fuck Carm?”

 

“Don’t call me that. No I didn’t. I was busy.”

 

“Next time you go out and ruin some innocent person’s evening could you take their jacket?”

 

“I could.”

 

“I fucking hate you so much.”

 

Will stalked off into the school. Was that little girl still staring. She was. Now she had been caught was looking awkwardly side to side then away then back at me. Awkward wave and now rushing off in her oversized clothes. This really was a provincial backwater wasn’t it? 

 

\---l---

 

Everyone in my year looks rooooough! One benefit of having a strict, overbearing, possibly yearning for the middle ages father was no chance of going to one of these drinking ‘parties’ that happened first night back. Couldn’t find a single face which wasn’t grey or sickly. Trying to stream youtube videos under the sheets with the terrible connection we had was just as good. Yeah, even in my head that justification sounded sad. 

 

No couldn’t make it sound good. Just be sad. You can either be a happy teenager or a moody one. Could take up poetry. Dark, moody and broody. About solitude and a cave or a pit no a pit a pit of despair. 

 

Double biology was a like a pit of despair. It didn’t rhyme but a bit of polishing and it could be the next Samuel Beckett. If he wrote poems about biology instead of plays about. Whatever he wrote plays about. The textbooks were already out. Oh no. Practical. Not dissecting frogs. Not dissecting. Microscopes! Shouldn’t be excited about microscopes. 

 

“Take your seats, now!” 

 

Already sitting, shouldn’t be shouted out for standing… 

 

“Partner up, no moving! Person next to you. I’ll hand out slides you look at them and you identify the properties of the samples. Any questions? Good. Get to it.”

 

The charm. The charm. It warmed you up on a cold September morning. 

 

Who was sitting next to me. Oh the new girl. 

 

“Hi!” Said that a little too loudly. “Hello. Erm, good morning.” No response, just slow blinking. “Hi.” She very slightly tilted her head to the left and kept blinking slowly. “Ready for learning?” Oh no. Those words came out. “For science. Science learning.” Making everything worse. Having someone look but not reply just pushed the feeling that more words were required. 

 

No attempt at participation from her. Ok. It’s just looking down the eye thing at the science under it. It looked like squiggly bits and none squiggly bits. Huh. A cell. What is in a cell. Learned that at about thirteen… Just right cell. It’s an answer. Besides no way will it be a worse answer than some people in this class would put. Hopefully. 

 

“It’s the common cold.”

 

“Sorry?”

 

“It’s not a cell. Whatever that means. It’s the common cold.”

 

“Ok. Thanks.” Didn’t know how she knew that without looking still made more sense than a cell. Kinda made myself look stupid. “I’m Laura by the way.” Did already do the whole introduction thing yesterday. “Hollis. I’m Laura Hollis.” Just James Bonded that. No reply. Think there was a flash of a spectre of a ghost of a trace of a smile which flashed over her lips but disappeared as soon as it maybe appeared. “Said that already.” Just mutter, mutter very quietly to yourself. As you’re not technically admitting the social faux pas but making reference to it just acknowledging you too knew it was weird.

 

No idea what this was either. Were we supposed to know or was this some mean teaching technique to show everyone how stupid and ignorant we all were.

 

“It’s dead bacteria.”

 

“How can you tell?” Genuinely confused at that. 

 

“Protein coat.”

 

“What?”

 

“Write it down.”

 

“How can you tell?”

 

“Write it down for fuck’s sake.”

 

“Ok…” 

 

She listed everyone. Just write and don’t argue. Until we finished way before anyone else and she just slumped back in her chair looking at the ceiling. 

 

“What’s your name?” Shouldn’t be nervous to ask someone their name, however was. A lot. A lot of nerves. “We’ve gone over my name… A couple of times.” She just fixed me with her dark eyes. Felt really uneasy under her gaze. Before she smirked and looked away and back up at the ceiling. “Never mind then.” 

 

-

 

“Didn’t you say you talked to the new girl?”

 

“Yes…”

 

“Well look she’s with the new boy…”

 

“Maybe they know each other.”

 

“Brother and sister?”

 

“Possibly.”

 

“I hope so. Let’s go ask.”

 

“Sorry what?” Did not want to do that. At all. Please Danny, don’t. “You spoke to her right?”

 

“We were lab partners this morning.” Why. Why reveal that. Terrible idea. 

 

“Right you’re our in. Let’s say we’re welcoming to the school.”

 

“No.”

 

“Let’s.”

 

Not fair. Could hardly stop myself from being dragged by a giant. “Danny!” It did no good. Great the too big hat slipped over my eyes. 

 

“Hey, you’re new right?” Danny spoke. “Thought I’d say hello.”

 

“Hi.” An embarrassed mumble was enough, just as the hat fell a second time, of course it would. 

 

“Oh hello.” The new guy fixed what was obviously a fake smile. His eyes were identical to the new girl. Just a little too dark. 

 

“Hi, I’m Danny, this is Laura.”

 

“Will. This is my sister.”

 

No reply from her. 

 

“Be polite,” he scolded her. The look she gave him was… Terrifying? Was that the right word. Yeah. Terrifying. Made me go cold. Colder. “Nevermind her.” Her lips moved but didn’t speak, still her brother twitched in annoyance as if she did. 

 

“We have Chemistry together, thought we go… You know together? If you had any question about the school or whatever,” Danny tried to sound uninterested. Tried to sound cool. Embarrassed for her. 

 

“Sure, thanks Laura was it?”

 

“No, I’m Danny she’s Laura.”

 

“Right, well sure thanks.”

 

“See you later Laura.” 

 

Just wave. Kind of didn’t want to left alone with the new girl. Kind of really wanted to be left alone with the new girl. That’s a strange conflicting feeling. 

 

“Hi.”

 

“Going to tell me your name again?” She asked ripping open her locker. 

 

“I wasn’t planning on it.” No response. That was unhelpful. “What you got next?”

 

“Philosophy,” she replied after a REALLY long pause. 

 

“I have the same.” No response. She turned and slammed her locker in one move. May have jumped in fright just a little, which may have caused my hat to fall over my eyes again. She was looking at me. Appraising by the look of it. Before shrugging and sighing and walking off, then stopping and shooting back a look.

 

“Coming?”

 

“Oh right yes, yes, I am.” Rush, rush, rush, ok, walk normal. “We have a lot of classes in common.” No reply. “Your brother seems nice.”

 

“By implication you’re saying I’m not.”

 

It wasn’t a question. Not an accusation. Just a statement.

 

“I don’t know…”

 

“Hmmm.”

 

Good job me. 

 

-

 

“So doing anything after school?”

 

“Might.”

 

“Cool, cool, cool, cool, yup, cool, yeah. I’m not.”

 

“Figures.”

 

“Hey! Whatchya mean?” No response. “Fine. Are you coming outside?” She had stopped a few yards from the main exit. “I have a bus.” Don’t know why she would care about that. 

 

“No. I’m waiting for my brother.”

 

“See you tomorrow!” Try to smile… Nothing but a shrug and rolled eyes as she stared at her phone only glancing up at me. Nevermind. Walking out into the last of the sun of the day and trudging over to the bus my mind fell to her. Her. New girl. Still didn’t have a name for her. Though could work on that. Why though? She’d been nothing but rude. 

 

===c===

 

“You could have been nicer.”

 

“Could.”

 

“Didn’t you want a source of food here?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“The little blonde was cute.”

 

“I don’t care if they’re cute.”

 

“Pffft,” Will snorted.

 

“Fucking watch it.”

 

“Or what? You threaten and threaten and do nothing.”

 

“One day.”

 

“So don’t be mad.”

 

“I’m going to be. Already am.”

 

“Well I agreed to go out with that tall chick. Forgot her name.”

 

“Danny. Listen.”

 

“She wanted to know if you wanted her to bring a guy?”

 

“...”

 

“Yeah. I know. What about the little one? Who stared at you with a slack jaw.”

 

“Why are you presuming I’ll come?”

 

“Pretty please.”

 

“Fine.”

 

“So yes to the little girl?”

 

“I said fine!” Did kind of want the little girl to come. Laura Hollis. Couldn’t let Will know that. He was smug as it was.

 

“It’ll be cute. At a diner or something. We can have milkshakes. Well we can’t but you get the point.”

 

“Sun’s down.”

 

“See you later then.”

 

We split up at the exit to the school carpark. He went off to the apartment. Satiated on animals. I wasn’t hungry either. Just sitting in the apartment and sleeping through the night just felt wrong. I wouldn’t give into this like Will. Adjusting and dressing up nice to play properly with others. 

 

He hadn’t even bothered to explore. One good thing about being in this wasteland’s attempt at civilization was the proximity to nature. Mountains, lakes, seas and trees. A place to think. It took less than a minute to be over a mile from the school and in the forest.

 

The police came to the school today. Asking questions about the missing girl. I would never let Will know that I felt guilty about what happened. Just got a little carried away. They would never find her. What was left of her. Dropped in the water hundreds of miles away. 

 

Forgot her name. What she looked like. I went to a nightclub when Will was sulking in the apartment. Danced with a girl, kissed her, took her out of the club. Planned on sending her home woozy and unsure of what had happened. Things happened. Mistakes were made. 

 

Will was right. I did agree to this stupid plan. I wasn’t going to buy a winter coat or anything.

 

=

 

“Kill anyone innocent last night?”

 

“Several.” None.

 

“Good. Good.”

 

“We don’t need to talk for the sake of it.”

 

“Fucking bitch,” he muttered inaudible to anyone but me before stalking off. 

 

“Hi,” I heard someone approach my side. 

 

“I told you not to follow me.”

 

“I wasn’t, I was just saying hello,” her voice went up. It was endearing. Did people this innocent exist? All sweet and shy. Here was me thinking MTV and the internet had destroyed the naivety of this generation. Fucking christ I am getting old. MTV? Did that exist anymore. She walked with me as if I hadn’t been rude. “Danny told me that your brother told her that you wanted me to go out with you and obviously your brother and Danny.” Her heart was beating faster. She got flustered easily. 

 

“Not quite.”

 

“Well thanks.”

 

“Why say thanks?” I stopped and she skidded to a far less graceful stop her hat falling over her eyes. Had to stop myself from smiling. 

 

“Erm. Politeness?” She said looking up with big brown eyes. Looking nervous as I waited for her to babble some more. Her mouth twitching into nervous smiles and glancing over my shoulder. “Being polite.”

 

“Sure.” I started walking quickly again and she skidded into action to catch up. “Your friend likes Will?” 

 

“She thinks he’s handsome…”

 

“Handsome? That’s archaic.” 

 

“Maybe she put it in a more hip way.”

 

“Hip?”

 

Her blood was pounding its way around her body now. She was really nervous. Not scared. Just on edge. Still wasn’t leaving. Despite the fact I had been nothing but short with her. 

 

“So are we double dating?” 

 

“What? No. Not that? No. No sir. I think maybe… Erm,” she spluttered each word. 

 

“I was joking.”

 

“I know,” she fake laughed. “It was funny. I was too.”

 

“About what?”

 

“Sorry?”

 

“What was your joke?”

 

“Eep.”

 

Could have pushed her down that path until she collapsed internally and started babbling and actually ran off. I could be cruel, admittedly, just not a bully. She didn’t speak anymore as we made our way to biology and was on edge around me as we read from the shared textbook. She accidentally brushed my hand when we both went to move on the page at the same time and shuddered.

 

“Shit,” she whispered to herself. “You’re deathly cold.”

 

No response to that. 

 

“How did you know all the thingys yesterday without looking through the microscope.”

 

“Thingys.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“They had the names on the slide. We were given the teacher’s ones.”

 

“Really? I didn’t notice that.”

 

“No huh?” I shot her a bored look up and down. She didn’t believe me, I could tell. She didn’t say anything but didn’t believe me. What other explanation could she come up with? The truth was illogical. I was aware of looks others wouldn’t catch. She kept glancing at me when she thought I was reading.

 

“What time are we supposed to be meeting then on Saturday?” She asked. Clearly a girl who wasn’t too comfortable with silences. 

 

“After sun down.”

 

“Why then?”

 

No response to that.

 

“O….K. So where?”

 

“I don’t care.”

 

“Anything you do care about?”

 

I smirked before correcting that and reseting my face. No response given. 

 

“Ah, you smiled I saw.”

 

“No I…” Stopped myself from snapping like a petulant teenager. Glancing over at the smaller girl who was grinning up at me such sincerity I had to stifle another smile. “See you around cutie.” I took a turn and lost her almost immediately.

 

“Cutie?” I heard her from a distance question what I’d call her and sighing. 

 

=

 

“Hello? Hello? Anyone out there?”

 

Yes.

 

“Hello?”

 

What an idiot. Calling out to an unknown presence in the forest. How did he survive this far from the city being this stupid. Those predators native to the forest didn’t speak English. It was dark. Very dark. Deep in the early morning. Late night for me. 

 

The man smelled nervous. He had a gun, his fingers drumming against the stock staring out into the dark. 

 

I’d made the noise on purpose. The fear makes the taste better. Another rustle. Another reposition. Another call from the man.

 

The blast of the shotgun was deafening. Almost hilarious. Like it would do him any good.

 

Close in. 

 

Sweeping from the shadows through the night swallowing his scream.

 

=

 

“Milkshakes?” 

 

“It’s what teenagers pretend to like when adults are around,” Will shrugged as he leaned on the countertop of the amusement arcade slash dinner we had ended up in. Hell was real it would seem. 

 

“And when the adults aren’t.”

 

“You know.”

 

Yeah discount vodka and cheap pot. Camping away in the woods or partying outdoors. Will knew the benefit of those teenager antics just as well as me. 

 

“What’s our excuse?”

 

“For?”

 

“Not eating or drinking.”

 

“Don’t you have a line?”

 

“You talked me into this,” I looked around at the flashing lights of the stupid games it was a little repulsive. 

 

“I think it’s nice.”

 

“Oh yeah. I should have enjoyed going to places like this, if you know… I got the chance.”

 

“You’re such a pussy.”

 

“Lighten up.”

 

It was hard to lighten up. After stalking through the wilderness in the black of night to pretending like this throw back to the 1990s was an acceptable place to be. If the idea was to lie low this was an excellent way to go about it. Had to give that to Will. 

 

“Remember be nice,” he turned his neck as they walked back to the table plastering a fake, irritating grin on his face before winking. Oh what I would give to punch him in the throat. 

 

“Are you trying to fuck this girl?”

 

He just shrugged and grinned again. “Maybe.”

 

“I hate you so much.”

 

“Yet you have no one else what does that say about you?”

 

“A lot of poor life choices.” 

 

“Here you go girls, chocolate and strawberry,” Will put on his normal voice. Some of the reverberation one picked up over the years dropped. He slid in next to the tall one. I guess I was babysitting. 

 

“You’re not having anything? Thanks.”

 

“Thanks,” Laura piped up, looking at both of us with eyes wide like saucers. 

 

“My sister will explain.”

 

Oh that fucker.

 

“Diet,” I said shortly. Shooting a challenging look back to Will, let him explain that. 

 

Will made conversation. I drifted off. There was no point in this. Pretending to care about someone’s life and interests. If I didn’t care why pretend. After a while an elbow bumped my side.

 

“So… What did you do last night?” Laura asked. Will had zeroed in on Danny, they speaking privately.

 

“Let’s go play some games,” I replied. I didn’t want to make small talk. Would rather eat broken glass while being set on fire. 

 

“We’re going to stay here,” Will said. The tall girl just nodded along not taking her eyes off my brother. 

 

“Come on cutie.”

 

I got up and strode off not waiting for her. She caught up, holding her milkshake the straw rattling around the oversized glass. There was something adorable about it. 

 

“Whatchya wanna play?”

 

“I don’t fucking care.”

 

“You suggested it,” she said in a high pitched voice. I had to stop myself smirking at her. 

 

“Choose.”

 

“Basketball looks fun.”

 

“Looks fun.”

 

“Uh-huh.”

 

“So what did you do last night?”

 

“You’re actually asking?”

 

“Yeah why?”

 

“It’s a dull question. Who cares? What possible reason would someone want to know?”

 

“Well you’re all brooding and dark and miserable it would be nice to know if you stayed in and watched television.”

 

“I went out into the forest and stared up at the stars.”

 

“Shame. I was hoping you’d be boring deep down.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

“It’s alright. I suppose. Can you hold that?” She held out her milkshake glass for me to take. I just stared impassively for a while trying to mentally communicate that I wasn’t taking the glass. She just nudged my hand with the glass. “Can you hold it? Please?” My hand opened and I took it. “Thank you.”

 

She got out a quarter pushed it into the slot of some awful arcade game where you threw small balls up into a chain link net. She missed a lot. A lot. 

 

“Terrible.”

 

“Wanna go?”

 

“No.”

 

She nodded and pushed another quarter in before leaning over to her glass and without taking it from my hand caught the straw in her mouth and drank a load. 

 

“Even worse,” I commented watching her face not her shots I could hear if they landed or not. The look of concentration was cute. Biting down on her bottom lip. What am I doing. 

 

“You go.”

 

“Fine,” I shoved the glass into her hands. She pushed a third quarter in for me. 

 

“Well?”

 

“What?” I scowled at her. 

 

“Say thank you!”

 

Just shook my head at that. Will would say I was being foolish but equally I couldn’t not show off if given the chance. I netted ball after ball barely even paying attention until the time ran out an alarm went off and a reel of red tickets were printed out. 

 

“Woah. That was impressive.”

 

“You’re just terrible.”

 

“Wanna play something else? If you win a few you can trade the tickets for something awesome!”

 

“How did I meet the least cool person in the entire school?”

 

“Bad luck?”

 

“Possibly. What next?”

 

=

 

“Admit you didn’t hate that.” Will said with that infuriating cocky smile. “Admit it.” The two girls were in the bathroom. Another thing we didn’t need. 

 

“Don’t drag me down. You just never had a childhood and are trying to recapture it.”

 

“When I was born childhood didn’t end at 13 with a marriage and seven children and the plague at least.”

 

“Fuck off.”

 

“I’m going to drive that girl home.”

 

“I saw you leering all over her.”

 

He shrugged. “We’re supposed to be teenagers.”

 

“Hate. You.” Will saying that he would drive the tall one home was his passive aggressive way of telling me to walk home. He raised an eyebrow and broadened that smile.

 

“Look at us, we’re fitting into that teenager sibling bickering stereotype.”

 

“I’ve killed before,” I hissed at him only to elicit a laugh. 

 

“Get a big fluffy teddy bear. It might relax you.”

 

“You might try to feed from it.”

 

“More sibling bickering. We’ll get along again when we both go off to our respective colleges! I hope I can go to California and get away from small town America,” he put on a yokel accent. I punched him hard in the ribs. He grimaced. That would have really hurt. Probably broken a few things. He couldn’t let on though. “Savages resort to violence.”

 

“Only idiots provoke savages.”

 

He just shot another smile and went to intercept the girls as they left the bathroom. Saying goodbye to Laura. Being polite and charming. Not himself. I don’t know how he could put on a false front of caring and charm without his skin crawling in self hatred. 

 

Laura watched them go. A good few metres between us. She looked over clearly unsure whether to come over for a moment then shuffling over. 

 

“They’re getting on well.”

 

“Is that a criticism?”

 

“You shouldn’t be negative after winning so many tickets.”

 

I just stared back without blinking.

 

“You don’t know,” she continued, she’d lost some of her shyness around me already. “They might have black eyeliner or like a leather strap with studs in it at the ticket exchange.”

 

“Don’t mock me.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

I turned around and walked slowly at first letting Laura catch up with me, throwing all the red tickets I’d won into the trash. She gasped but didn’t complain. I had to wait in the exit as she pulled on her gloves and hat and second or third coat before walking out into the cold night. The freezing whip of the wind was cleansing. Purging me of that childish afternoon. 

 

“Where you going?”

 

“Home.”

 

“Me too. I live pretty close.”

 

“Ok.”

 

“Right. Right ok then, I’ll see you later then,” she mumbled and waved before tucking her hands into her pockets and walking off directly into the oncoming wind. Fuck sake. I caught up with her. 

 

“I’ll walk you home.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

Even if I didn’t feel the cold the wind made it impossible to leave my jacket open.

 

“Finally cold?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Are you going to admit you had some fun?”

 

“My brother said the same thing.” I didn’t meant to say that out loud. “Considering I’m here,” I gestured around the city. “I suppose it was fine.”

 

“Where did you go to school before?”

 

“Around.”

 

“America?”

 

“And Europe.”

 

“This must be a system shock then.”

 

“That’s a good way of putting it.”

 

“Is that why you’re so grumpy?”

 

No response to that. Just walking in silence. 

 

“This is me.”

 

I looked up and over the house. It was a modest town house. The definition of normal. Of averageness. It scared me a little. Well at least made me feel uneasy.

 

“Well… Bye. Sorry I wasn’t better company.”

 

Hadn’t been paying attention, that wasn’t ignoring her on purpose this time. 

 

“Huh? Don’t worry cutie.”

 

“See you Monday erm… See you Monday.”

 

“Carmilla.”

 

She smiled back at me, really wide. Had to try really hard not to return it. Remain under my mask.

 

“See you Monday Carmilla.”


	2. two: tomorrow

Two:

 

“Where were you?”

 

“Out.”

 

“Don’t you dare be snippy with me young lady.”

 

“I was out! With Danny. We got a milkshake and played some arcade games.”

 

“Then why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“I’m back before curfew.”

 

“I don’t like this sneaking about. Go to your room no dinner.”

 

Wow. What had I done? Kids with single parents were supposed to be spoiled weren’t they? Or at least left to their own devices. Not criticized at home and at school and then at home again. Did he want me to become a drug addict at college? That’s what happened to repressed kids wasn’t it? Didn’t seem likely. Probably would just do what was supposed to be done. Be boring and all that drudgery.

 

Didn’t have any homework as it was the first week, the internet restrictions cut off for me at seven. Seven o’clock and everything except school approved websites were accessible. The phone worked, but couldn’t use too much 4g without arousing suspicion. 

 

Bet Danny wasn’t sitting in her room. She was probably making out with Will in the back of his car. Had even been an afterthought in a trip to the arcade. 

 

Carmilla was an odd name. Old fashioned. Normally would pride myself on having self pride. Pride. Having self. Wait. Pride in myself. Yet still didn’t bother me too much having her be rude to me. Was that some horrible character fault. Just pull the old sheet over my head and browse the internet secretly in the dark. That was a better thing to do then look into myself for blaring personal flaws. Nothing new on Facebook. Just events which others attended and father made sure that online was the only way to enjoy the fun of peers.

 

Nothing to do. Nothing to do… It’s only natural curiosity… Search. C-a-r-m-i-l-l-a. That must be how it was spelled. Didn’t have a last name but it wasn’t a common name. In fact it was apparently unique. Did you mean Camilla? Nope. Nothing. So maybe she was off the grid. Should have asked her for a number.

 

-

 

Ow. Ow. That hurt. It was an accident. A real accident. Didn’t mean to knock the coffee jar all over the floor. Why would that be done on purpose? What sort of punishment was to be struck for a mistake? Was my dad’s belt meant to teach me a lesson. Be aware of your surroundings and limbs at all moments of the day and night or a flogging would be coming in short order.

 

Looking in the bright light of the bathroom and with my pants down the bruise was already swelling. Swelling over the ones which already existed from previous experiences. Phone buzzed on the sink and fell to the floor and smashed the screen. Oh no. No. No. It wasn’t too bad. Still worked. If father saw… Glancing back at the bruise. It would be much worse. If damaging cheap coffee deserved pain then a cell phone would be blood. 

 

Shoving the phone into my pant pocket and rushing back to my room the text was from Danny. 

 

D(S’up x)

 

L(Broke my phone :( )

 

D(Soz. That sucks.)

 

D(Can I call?)

 

L(no, dad is here)

 

D(k. tell u mon x)

 

Wonder what that was about? Probably nothing. Or gossip. Someone telling me why their life was better than my life. A reminder which was not needed at all when trying to pass the time in the dark and skin welting from a leather belt.

 

===c===

 

Why did I think bringing Will with me for a long walk in the countryside would be a good idea. I hate him.

 

“Did you feed?” 

 

“No.”

 

“Seriously? You just made out with her like a fag?”

 

“How can kissing a girl be gay?”

 

“Really? Trust me it can.” I had to smirk at that. He looked confused for a moment before realizing. “So you’re making out with girls and taking them to arcades from the 1980s. This is a new low for you.”

 

“Not really.”

 

“How so?”

 

“Well we agreed to be here, to do this, live this life. If you want to mope and be depressed and fight it at every turn then you’ll be miserable. Whereas this guy,” he pointed to himself with his thumbs. I pushed him off the cliff. He landed next to me seconds later. “What the fuck? What if I broke my phone?”

 

“You have a phone? I don’t have a phone.”

 

“You don’t want friends. Why would you need a phone?”

 

“You can’t have children but I saw you putting some condoms in your wallet.”

 

“Keeping up appearances.”

 

“You want to fuck that giant girl?”

 

“Already said maybe. I want to fuck something. Don’t you?”

 

“Not for the sake of it,” I kicked a soccer ball sized boulder hoping it would fly but it just broke into pieces. “I don’t need to find a food source.”

 

“You ought to.”

 

“Why? Don’t you miss it Will?”

 

“What?”

 

“The violence? The fear in the person’s blood as it rushes and surges… Being a predator.”

 

“No.”

 

“Unbelievable.”

 

“Yeah you just have to focus on other things.”

 

“No unbelievable. As in I don’t believe you. I think you’re a lying sack of shit.”

 

“I’m not.”

 

“You are. We’re built for it. It’s what we are.”

 

“Humans used to hunt from the caves and now they get chicken breasts from the supermarket.”

 

“Don’t fucking patronize me or you’re going off the cliff edge again.”

 

“It’s true.”

 

“It isn’t. In fact your bullshit fucking nonsense shit is giving me an idea.” 

 

“Wait.”

 

I heard his ‘wait,’ as I disappeared in a flash. Off into the night. It was pitch black and not even midnight. I left him in the wilderness as I delved further into the wilderness. I didn’t need to feed but fuck him that was why. The mountain range which surrounded the city was a good place to cleanse my head from Will’s horseshit. The city was twice itself. The bay it surrounded reflected the lights back. Making a watery mirror image. It was pretty up here. The prettier the view the worse the night life. 

 

Still a Saturday. 

 

Back into town. Looking for something. There was a light in the woods. I could see it. Over a mile away. They made it so easy. Didn’t even need to go into the city. 

 

=

 

“What can you do with this?”

 

“Who’s is this?”

 

“Didn’t ask their name. They were screaming,” I shot a smile. “Before you ask yes still breathing.” 

 

“Well you can’t just take a phone and use it…”

 

“Why?”

 

“Well it has a little card in it which registred it to the owner.”

 

“Fuck sake, I hate the modern world.” 

 

Will pulled the phone in half and tossed it into the trash in two separate pieces. 

 

“Go buy one.”

 

“Fine.”

 

“You must have stolen enough money over…”

 

“I said fine!”

 

“How are you always such a bitch? At least normal girls have an excuse once a month. Though usually that’s them losing blood not…”

 

“Shut the fuck up,” I snapped at him. “Jesus. You wonder why I hate you.”

 

“I still love you sis!” He put on that fake voice and kissed my cheek and left me alone.

 

Want to hurt him badly. Could break his arm. No. Let him have one. I switched on the television flicked through the channels and turned it off in disgust. People were vile. Maybe Will was right… No. No. No. Definitely not. That thought was more revolting than attacking cute little animals. Still life would be easier if high school moved more smoothly.

 

Find some girl. To fuck and feed with. That cute little blonde maybe… No. I wasn’t that awful that I would corrupt someone sweet and innocent. Find someone else who wanted to ‘experiment,’ and use them.

 

After feeding it was hard to just sit around. It was probably like doing some heavy dose of methamphetamines. I needed to do something. The apartment Will had sorted out was bland. Some trendy place for successful young people who worked in the city. All shiny surfaces and modern appliances blinking and taunting me. Maybe I would break Will’s arm after all. Just to release some pressure. 

 

=

 

“It’s adorable, like watching a horse trying to walk on a frozen lake.”

 

So I wasn’t too good with technology. It was weird going into a store and paying for something. It annoyed me I had to pretend my last name was Luce. My fault for letting Will decide and set up all this background. Didn’t mean I wasn’t pissed off at him. I shot him a dirty look, pushed the phone into my pocket and got out of his ludacris Mustang. School. Eugh. The sun wasn’t up, it wouldn’t be until after nine. 

 

“A kid with a new toy at Christmas,” Will came over and nudged me as if it was all in good fun while I tried to figure out the phone. He reached over to touch the screen and I moved quicker than anyone could see and broke his index finger back, the nail touching the back of his hand. “Fuck,” he hissed. 

 

“Didn’t we talk about provoking and savages?” I asked with a false sickly sweet smile before scowling and sauntering off into the school.

 

Anchorage High School established 1901. How depressing, 1901… 

 

There was an assembly apparently. The absolute fuck was I going to attend those. I didn’t care about this place or anyone who lived here. So why would I waste my time being bored by something I don’t want to hear surrounded by people who I didn’t want to be with. I needed a source, maybe I’d find some degenerates cutting assembly. Be able to use one of them. 

 

Round the back of the school was a loading dock. Probably for the plastic shit they called food. There was no way anyone in this dump would be healthy. They would be as disgusting inside as their youthful optimism was on the outside. 

 

“Hey you,” I found a girl smoking. She looked up shocked, fear flickering over her face for a moment as if she was caught and in trouble. Pathetic. Actually disgusted me a bit. Making her a fake. Pretending to be cool and not part of a system. Still worried about trouble. “Give me one.” I ordered.

 

“Sure…”

 

I took the cigarette and she offered a light. Couldn’t even feel the smoke. My lungs were dead and useless. It was like pumping smoke through a hose and out again. 

 

“What’s your name?” I asked. Her heartbeat was a little up. She was self-conscious.

 

“Ell.” After a few moments of me giving no reply she continued. “What’s your name?”

 

“Does it matter?”

 

“No, yeah totally. Just a label right?”

 

I just turned and shot her a look. What a stupid and vapid thing to say.

 

“You’re new here right? Yeah, with your brother?” She asked. I nodded once. “It must suck yeah? Coming to this dump, it sucks a dead city.”

 

“What do you plan on doing then?”

 

“What?”

 

“What part of my question did you find difficulty with?”

 

“Erm… Plan on doing?”

 

This was harder than I thought. Being nice to people. It was easier to just take what I needed and leave. Fuck Will. Making me talk to empty headed girls posing as what they pictured a college burnout was. Sickening. 

 

“Yeah this place blows, can’t wait to burn out of this town and never ever come back,” she carried on without prompting.

 

“Thunder road parody.”

 

“What?”

 

“It’s a Bruce Springsteen song.”

 

“Oh, you like him? Like my dad likes him.”

 

Eugh. Don’t attack students. 

 

“What do you do for fun around here?” I asked changing the topic to suit my needs. 

 

“Party, chill, hang out.” All of those vague terms made the blood boil. Nothing was said other than, ‘I’m so cool I don’t care except to let you know how uncaringly cool I am.’

 

“Let me know if something is happening then or if you wanna ‘hang’ together,” I ordered making a resonating eye contact and threw the cigarette pretty much unsmoked. “Give me your number.” That was hopefully an ember which would fostered quickly. She was the sort who would try to impress me. I could tell. I had the attitude she wished desperately to have naturally. I didn’t share Will’s patience. More of an immediate gratification type of gal. 

 

“Hey! Didn’t see you in assembly.”

 

“The fuck are… Oh, it’s you.”

 

“It is! I mean hi. I mean hey. Already covered that.”

 

The little blonde girl was adorable wrapped up in her layers and layers of clothes. She was actually beaming at me. Actually smiling that widely, right up until her hat slipped down and fell over her eyes. What a spas. 

 

“You seem like the sort of awkward nerdy type who won’t mock me if I ask for help with a phone right?”

 

“Sorry?”

 

“For what.”

 

“I mean pardon, pardon me, like I didn’t follow,” her eyes darted side to side under my gaze before smiling again. I went back into motion walking to English as she caught up. 

 

“I got this.”

 

“A cell phone.”

 

“I didn’t ask what it was. I don’t know how it works.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Do I seem like the joking sort?”

 

“I don’t really know.”

 

“Right, you don’t know me.”

 

“Trying to.”

 

Had to pause there. That was such a sweet thing to say. Argh. The fuck, I didn’t like finding things nice or sweet. Too human. Still I was right. Couldn’t feed from this girl. Too far a line to cross. Though if that was the case why was I talking to her. Why was I going to keep talking to her. Why had I not been nicer to that girl smoking who’s name had already evaporated from my mind like the cigarette ash in the snow.

 

“Well help me use that fucking thing.” I passed it to her. She was playing with it. It kind of annoyed me that every child who had barely existed on this Earth was able to use things which were aloof to me with such ease and proficiency. It started buzzing in her hand. “What are you doing to it?”

 

“Putting my number in and calling it,” she said looking at me. “Want me to download any apps?”

 

“Any what?”

 

“Are you from like another century.”

 

“Obviously not.”

 

She was still fiddling as we got into class and into our seats. Managing to still use my phone as she got her jacket and hat off. She was really cute, how was she a geek? Guys must be after her. Any sort of personality defect didn’t matter to men, they would put up with a lot, any sort of madness or eccentricity to get what was between her legs. Must have been spotty or had braces or something up until this year.

 

“There you go… You know most people would say thank you. At least thanks. Cheers… Way to go buddy.”

 

I just blinked slowly at her until she became a little uncomfortable. Though didn’t look away. Was actually waiting for me thank her. I hadn’t encountered this before. I knew the power my eyes had. She shouldn’t have been able to maintain this. Oh fuck.

 

“Thanks,” I almost hissed through gritted teeth.

 

“You’re welcome!” She hummed tilting her head side to side. 

 

“Hollis, shut it.”

 

The teachers at this school I recognize. They could have fitted into my school. From what I remember of it. The old life. Except a lot less religious stuff. Reading some play I had already read. Eugh. When doling out parts to read I fixed the teacher with the look which caused them to crumple inside. Laura got the part of Miranda. I heard her sigh and her blood pressure changed. 

 

=

 

“Wanna get out of here?” I murmured.

 

The guy at the bar. Forgot his name. He was excited. Thinking I was going to fuck him. He was lucky he was living. Letting him touch me, paw over my thighs and stomach. He slipped his fingers through mine and out we went.

 

“I live pretty close.”

 

I didn’t respond, I just tugged him along by the hand out of the bar around the corner down the alley. Down another alley. I could feel his blood rising. He was anxious. Getting scared. Just what I wanted. He was worried about being in a darken alley but didn’t want to seem like a pussy in front of me wanting to get at me. 

 

We stopped and I pushed him into the wall and I jumped onto his waist, linking my legs around his back. That moment of anticipation came and went in a second as I didn’t aim for his mouth.

 

=

 

L(Hey how’s it going?)

 

I imagined it in her sweet little, provincial voice. It was a strange juxtaposition. What I had just been doing this evening. Whereas she was probably lying in her bed full of stuffed animals, kicking up her heels and listening to… Listening to… Damnit didn’t have any pop culture references. 

 

C(Fine.)

 

L(Wow! I didn’t expect a reply! X)

 

C(why.)

 

L(Just ur a grump)

 

C(well you won’t get a reply next time.)

 

L(soz)

 

Soz? I hate people so much. What should I say to her? What was an appropriate response… To keep it light and friendly while not dropping my mystique. I hate the modern world!

 

C(what are you doing?)

 

L(it’s lights out so nothing)

 

Lights out was something I remembered. Weren’t kids spoiled these days? Jesus I’m turning into an old woman. Next I’d be worried that policemen were getting shorter.

 

C(no wonder you’re a loser)

 

L(my dad is the headmaster! He’s super strict)

 

C(loser)

 

No reply. I kept checking the screen for updates as I got back to the apartment. Will was out. Probably foraging in the forests. Is this what teenagers did? Waiting for their phone to make noise so their lives could get off pause temporarily before pausing for the next update. 

 

“Look at you getting in the swing of things,” Will remarked sarcastically as he came in after midnight. Ignored him. He walked in front of the coffee table and dropped a box on top of it. “A nice old couple bought us this pizza. I helped them with heavy bags and as thank you, here,” he nudged the box towards me with his feet.

 

“We don’t eat.”

 

“It’s the thought which counts. Besides it’s stone cold. She gave it to before I went out.”

 

“How’s Bambi?”

 

“A little weaker but fine.”

 

“Fucking pathetic.”

 

“Did you feed?”

 

“Of course. We’re in a city.”

 

“You’re not going to talk me into hunting again. Not until after… This.”

 

“Right. Well you’re not going to talk me into dressing up and playing nice.”

 

“You broke my ribs and my finger this week, so I guessed so.”

 

“Fuck off.”

 

He smiled. Cocky bastard. He went over to the refrigerator and put the stained box of pizza into one of the many empty trays. It was the first and only thing in it. 

 

“I’m going to sleep.”

 

“It’s 3am!” 

 

“And a school night,” he added with a wink before sauntering like the utter prick he was into his room. Checked my phone again before realizing if Laura hadn’t texted back since 11 then she wasn’t going to at this time. I wasn’t going to sleep though. That was too much of a concession to Will and his attempt at normalizing us. 

 

\---l---

 

“Can’t.”

 

“Come on L!” Laf stressed.

 

“Yeah come on don’t be boring,” Danny piled on.

 

“I’m not! Well I am but I don’t, well can’t go.” Why didn’t anyone understand this. I couldn’t go. My father wouldn’t allow it. It just caused fights trying to explain the answer to any invite which occurred later on in the night would be a no. 

 

“Leave her alone guys, she can’t.”

 

Oh Perry thank you for being the voice of reason. 

 

“Fine! Fine! Fine! It just sucks Laur, you know you’ll be an afterthought when people think about Highschool?”

 

“Or the daughter of the headmaster.”

 

Only could shrug at that. It was true. I pulled out my phone and nothing. Just some notifications from apps. It was surprising that Carmilla had texted back but she had ended with an insult. Could text her again… We shared three classes. None of which happened before lunch. Wasn’t really tall enough to scout around the dining hall to see if she was about.

 

“Will said he’d picked me up. He has a fucking amazing ride.”

 

Zoning in and out of the conversation it was mostly Danny talking about her new crush.

 

“Leather seats and…”

 

Time to go to a special place away from all of this inside my mind. Just live in fantasyland and pretend you are invited to things and get to actually do things you want. That is a healthy way to act.

 

“You’ll be missing out Laur.”

 

Yes. That was true. No response is needed. It was just the sad truth. Yet another memory which would be relayed rather than enjoyed. Didn’t even know if some bonfire party would be fun. If it would be a yes or a no if I was invited. Had no point of reference. 

 

-

 

“Were you friends with Ms Spielsdorf?”

 

“I knew her… er. Sir.”

 

“Were you friends was the question.”

 

“Not really.”

 

“What does not really mean?”

 

“Its a small community everyone knows everyone a little bit.”

 

“What sort of things did Ms Spielsdorf do recreationally?”

 

“I didn’t know her that well.”

 

“Everyone know everyone a little bit. So with the little bit you do know elaborate.”

 

“She dated a college boy… Erm… I don’t know. Sorry I am. I just don’t know.”

 

“Do you have a name of this college boy?”

 

“No sir sorry.”

 

“The college?”

 

“No sir sorry.”

 

“Alright you can leave.”

 

Palms were sweaty. Something about talking to a police officer or detective whatever he was made me feel guilty. Knowing you did nothing wrong but feeling like you did. Yuck. Shivers. More people from my year were waiting outside. Just a line of people who would say nothing. What had happened to Betty? She wouldn’t have gone to rehab if the police were involved… Was she even into drugs? Being outside of the social circles it was all a mystery. 

 

-

 

“Have the police talked to you?” Didn’t get a reply… It was a trick right? Like having to find the sweet spot of a question to get a reply. “They talked to me.” 

 

“Hand me that.”

 

Ooook. Passing over the scalpel Carmilla looked down at the pig’s foot we were dissecting in biology. It smelt like death or what death ought to smell like. She wasn't bothered at all by it. 

 

“I'm supposed to talk to them later,” she finally broke the silence.

 

“Supposed to?”

 

“I probably won't go.”

 

“You have to!” Oops too loud people were looking. “You have to.” Better volume. “It’s the police!”

 

“So? I didn’t know this Betty chick.”

 

Betty? Elizabeth was the name used officially. How did she know everyone called her Betty? Hmmm. Probably just heard it from someone around. Though she didn’t talk to anyone. So. Wait what? Why would there be a suspicious reason behind that. Unless she killed her and learned her name first. That’s just stupid. 

 

===c===

 

“Did you know Elizabeth Spielsdorf?”

 

“No.”

 

“Have you heard anything about her?”

 

“No.”

 

“You haven’t heard anything about a missing girl? I find that hard to believe.”

 

“I don’t give a fuck.”

 

“Don’t you dare get fresh with me young lady.”

 

Silence. Just fix him with the gaze.

 

“Erm… Look… Erm…” He was flustered. Deepen the gaze. Make him hurt with it.

 

“I’ll tell you the truth. I know the girl. I met her, I talked to her, I bought her drinks, pretended to drink the drinks she bought me. I took out of the city. You still listening”

 

“Uh-huh,” the detective nodded, drool coming from the corner of his mouth now. 

 

“I lifted her up, I torn her open and I poured her soul out and into me.”

 

He slumped forward his head hitting the table of the councillor’s office we were using for this ‘interview.’ His breathing was barely there. Just a mess now. 

 

“So we done?” No response. No news was good news. I got up and left as he came too. He wouldn’t remember me.

 

=

 

Will was out. Away somewhere. Either bothering animals or chatting up some giant red head. There was fuck all to do in this fucking place. Still it was better than the alternative. I took out my phone. Two choices here. Heart. Head. Heart said text Laura. Head said text Ell. Could listen to both…

 

C(Hey what’s up)

 

That was something kids said today wasn’t it? Hopefully.

 

C(What you doing?)

 

L(Not much, locked inside :()

 

E(bored)

 

C(Wanna come over? Hang?)

 

E(sure. address)

 

Sent it to her. Probably should get some booze and cigarettes and things degenerates liked.

 

C(same)

 

L(reading the tempest)

 

C(you need something)

 

L(any suggestions)

 

C(Merchant of Venice)

 

L(I’ll try it)

 

I walked to the window and opened the balcony window and jumped over the edge. Landing gracefully eleven floor below. Needed to get ‘human’ things. I found a 7-11 and got booze and cigarettes with a loaf of bread and sandwich shit. Play the role of a normal person. No one was around on the street so could jump back. I slid the window closed and put all the stuff away.

 

L(anything else if that doesn’t work)

 

C(you’re too naive)

 

L(hey!!!)

 

L(tell me)

 

C(look at your hand)

 

L(using it to text)

 

C(see)

 

C(naive)

 

L( :’()

 

L(tell me)

 

C(awww)

 

The buzzer went off on the door. The video monitor showed Ell. 

 

“Floor Eleven, apartment 43.”

 

C(let me know if you work it out)

 

L(Will do!)

 

What an idiot I chuckled to myself. 

 

Knock at the door.

 

“It’s open,” I called, not planning on getting up from the sofa my back to the door. It was always open, wasn’t bothering carrying a key. Besides no one would be able enter without alerting me or Will. If someone tried they would soon regret it. 

 

She was nervous. Holding a six pack of beer in one hand and clutching her handbag tightly to herself. She was a little scared of me. Most people were. 

 

“Hi.” She hadn’t closed the door. Even more nervous now. I didn’t reply. “I brought beer,” she was trying to sound natural and light but there was a tremble underpinning her voice. She held up the bottles to my back as if I could see rattling them a little. I turned the tv on. Her breath hitched. 

 

“Close the door.”

 

“Yeah sure, hi, again, of course,” She closed the door. Relieved that I had spoken but still a bit scared. Did she regret coming here? Possibly. Coming to someone who was a essentially a stranger to drink on a school night was the sort of the thing she wanted to think she was into. The facade cracked a bit in reality. “You got any glasses?” I just pointed to the kitchen area still not looking at her. She opened the fridge. “Pizza and liqueur, sweet fridge. Is it just you and your brother here?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“He’s really fucking good looking, you both are.”

 

“I’m not having a threesome with him.”

 

“I… Fuck… No I wasn’t suggesting that. Jesus.”

 

“It has been suggested before.”

 

“Really? Gotta have a lot of balls to ask for that.”

 

“Little brains.”

 

“Can I have…”

 

“Whatever, help yourself,” I interrupted her. Keep her on the back foot constantly.

 

“Can I get you anything?”

 

“Whisky.” Hard alcohol made her feel obligated to take the same. She walked over and sat next to me carefully. Keeping her distance. Definitely a bit afraid. I pretended to sip from the glass. 

 

“Can I smoke in here?” 

 

“Sure.” I turned on the sofa and leaned slightly towards her.

 

=

 

People had no deceny. I invited that girl over because I knew she would come after barely knowing me. Knew she would drink enough until she was brave enough to have me to fuck her. She should have known it wasn’t acceptable to fall asleep at someone else’s house after one night. Still she was probably weakened from the blood loss. Not that she would ever remember that part. 

 

I wasn’t even the first person to sleep in my own bed. Finding her cigarettes I stood out on the balcony wasting my time smoking them. The smoke not connecting or affecting my dead lungs. I could sense Will nearby, he was probably in the elevator. Coming back from one of his sad trips into the woods. 

 

“Oh just help yourself.”

 

He picked out a cigarette himself and took the lighter from my hand. Stupid ass. 

 

“Who’s in your bedroom? I can hear her breathing in the hall.”

 

“Girl from school.”

 

“The little blonde one?”

 

“No…” I replied slowly. “I just found someone today, got their number and they came over. See how easy the process is? You don’t take dinner out for a nice date over a milkshake first.”

 

“Pointless,” he mumbled giving up on the cigarette and throwing it off the balcony. “Police spoke to me today. About that girl. You too? Yeah. So I’m blending. Blending into the background. You’re the idiot acting different and weird, attracting attention. Girl disappears days before the new girl who lives without parents and has no background, who dresses like it’s 40 degrees hotter than it is and picks up girls is going to arouse suspicion. Whereas! The guy who fits in and goes to school functions and dates a girl blends right it.”

 

“Meh.”

 

“Brilliant.”

 

“Go away.”

 

“I’m going to sleep. It is night time,” he smirked and winked. Utter prick. I was tired. Could get a couple hours on the sofa to make up for the days and days of being awake. Lying down on the pillows I slid my phone out my pocket.

 

L(couldn’t work it out!)

 

Actually caught myself smiling. Didn’t like that. Must just be the sleep deprication. 

 

\---l---

 

The police were there most of the week. Checking things out. No one knew what was happening. Well didn’t find out… Maybe it was just no one told me. Not really in the rumor mill. Maybe it was a fear that it would get back to my father. 

 

The snow was falling again. Off the bus didn’t enter the school straight away, instead looked up into the forests which engulfed us all. If someone went missing up there, then they were gone. Bears and wolves and frostbite. 

 

“Hey what you lookin’ at cupcake?” Carmilla walked over to join me.

 

“Oh hey, nothing. Just thinking,” turning away from the wilderness. “If they think Betty went missing, well then it wouldn’t be in the city… It would be up there somewhere and there’s no way anyone would survive that.”

 

“No?”

 

“No I don’t think so…”

 

“Probably not. If someone was left out there for a week their carcass would be unclassifiable to a coroner.” 

 

Ok.. That was a really dark thought. 

 

“Have experience hiding bodies?” Just try to lighten the mood. Actually suggesting someone is a serial killer might not be that light. The fact she just turned to face me tearing her eyes from the forest and just cocked an eyebrow wasn’t helping. “Eek!” had to duck as her hand shot up close to my face. Thought I was about to be struck. Instead she held up a snowball she’d snatched from the air. Chucking it up and down in her palm a few times before almost impossibly fast she threw it back at the dickheads in our year who through it. Ow that looked like it hurt. 

 

“Popular girl huh?”

 

“Depends on how you measure or quantify popular... But overall no.”

 

She cracked a half smile and shook her head at me, holding out a hand to my shoulder and pushing me into motion into the school.


	3. three: friday to friday

Three:

 

“This is getting annoying. We’re supposed to have a lair,” Will was whisper shouting at me. “This is our fucking lair. You don’t have sleepovers at your lair!” He was very angry. 

 

“This isn’t a lair you fucking idiot and second you’re just jealous that I can get some like that,” I snapped my fingers and he winced and shushed me. “The fuck?” 

 

“We’re whispering, whisper you freak, when someone whispers you whisper back you utter sociopath.”

 

“Fine. This is isn’t a lair.”

 

“It is. We’re monsters. We live here. Hence lair. Have a cage and it’s a cage put a bunny in it then it’s a hutch! A fucking hutch.”

 

“Listen to yourself. You’ve actually gone crazy.”

 

“No this is you being the sociopath you are. I was talking about having that girl here every night this week and you took us off on the lair tangent.”

 

“It’s four days, get over it.”

 

“You can bring girls back. They can stay. Just not every night.”

 

“Why are you slumbering?”

 

“Yes. Slumbering in my lair. Address the point stop being stubborn.”

 

“You wanted us to act like teenagers.”

 

“Fucking…” He turned on his heel and stomped off to his room.

 

That was more satisfying than anything else I’d done this evening. Still was staving off sleep. Getting a couple hours here and there on the sofa when I knew Will wouldn’t catch me. Ell mentioned twice that I never slept but I just didn’t respond and ignored her at school. This only made her more willing to please. It was a routine. Though then I ended up despising whoever it was for being too sycophantic and pathetic. A bit cruel but who cares.

 

I was a little annoyed Will had taken the word lair.

 

Ell was already getting on my nerves. She was a cheap thrill. Basically folding to me at every turn. I didn’t her like trying to please me so… So pathetically. The dirty talking, the calling me baby while we were fucking, the utter lack of spine of it all. 

 

The balcony was my solitude. I liked the cold. It was a refreshing way to cleanse the unpleasantness or weariness from my shoulder. I wondered what Laura would be doing now… Actually that wasn’t a wonder. She would tucked up in her bed probably with some cartoon themed pajamas. 

 

Again caught myself smiling… Really had to get out of that bad habit. Maybe take up smoking. It wasn’t like it do any harm. 

 

-

 

“See you later then.”

 

 

 

“That was cruel.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I’m giving her a lift to school and you don’t even say goodbye.”

 

“Meh.”

 

“You have ice in your veins.”

 

“I have nothing in my veins.”

 

“You know what I mean.”

 

“Not really. We don’t have to talk.”

 

Just had to wait until Ell was safely away from me. I didn’t want to garner any associations with anyone. 

 

“I can see what you’re looking at.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“I can see what you’re looking at. Who, who you’re looking at.”

 

“I’m just looking around at the pure misery this place represents.”

 

“No you aren’t.” Will got out of his jumped up poncy car and slammed the door. 

 

Laura was talking with Danny and two other red heads I didn’t know. She kept pushing up at her hat. I had noticed she had glanced over at this car several times. The windows were tinted. However she looked more than someone would normally look around and she tried to make it seem like she was just scanning the car park but her eyes certainly fell on this car with a regularity. It didn’t take a hunter’s instinct to notice that. 

 

I didn’t want to meet her friends. I did want to talk to her. So I was going to wait until they left. Why would they leave and she remain? Why do I care is the more important question.

 

Somehow this was Will’s fault and I would get him back at the lair. Really like that word.

 

I got what I wanted entering the school over the cold grit. She had waited behind the doors in order to scare me. No idea why she would think would be the sort of thing that I would like was beyond me. Though I did have to stifle a grin when she leaped out and tried to make a noise.

 

“Oh, darn.”

 

“Little things please little minds.”

 

“That’s something my grandmother would say.”

 

Hmm. Fair enough.

 

“Gadzukes. Is another old fashioned... thing someone might say.”she broke my silence. Again had to stop myself from smiling. What the hell was wrong with me. It might be the winter air, rattling my mind. “Though the whole leather jacket thing in freezing temperatures strikes me more like an extra from Grease… Could you sing…”

 

“No.” That needed an interruption rather than just cold, oppressing silence.

 

“No need to be so grumpy.”

 

“Stop calling me grumpy.”

 

“Stop being grumpy!” She said in a sing song voice. It was constantly refreshing how someone so positive could survive this social ostracization which they called high school. Not refreshing. That would suggest I cared. It was interesting. “Did you do the philosophy homework.”

 

That made me laugh. 

 

=

 

“I see you, you know.”

 

“You ought to.”

 

“Again you know what I mean.”

 

“Why did you come with me? We’re not friends.”

 

“Siblings.”

 

“Not really.”

 

“You wound me sis.”

 

“This is supposed to be my thinking time.” I kicked at the snow, knocking a huge sheet free and loose letting it fall.

 

“Would it help if I was a sweet little blonde naive thing? Oh Carmilla I like your black hair it’s all black and the snow is crunchy and it’s pretty.”

 

I punched him so hard in the arm that he was knocked down. 

 

“Ow. My fucking shoulder. You broke it again”

 

“It’ll heal stop whining.”

 

“I’ll stop whining when you stop crippling me.”

 

“I guess we’ll have to live with each other’s foibles.”

 

“That’s not a modern word.”

 

“Would people stop picking me up on this shit.”

 

We both stopped at once.

 

“Someone is coming.”

 

“I know stupid, otherwise I wouldn’t have stopped too. It’s fine. We’re walking in the woods.”

 

“Do you have any pot on you?”

 

“Shut the fuck up.”

 

We waited for the other person to come pass us. Trying to look normal. Despite the fact we were both dressed for a light fall walk around the park not a late after midnight walk in the forests. Will didn’t bother with the winter coat when no one was around.

 

“Who goes there?” A call came out. They had a torch and couldn’t see us. My eyes were more powerful than Will’s and I already saw the detective who interviewed me over the disappearance of that girl. Neither of us replied. “I’m a cop! Identify yourself.” He wasn’t as scared as he should be. I found that insulting.

 

“Carm…” will muttered, “think before you act.”

 

“Don’t call me that,” I muttered back.

 

The spotlight of the torch found us. Standing on the edge of a precipice which dropped onto more trees and rocks and of course snow.

 

“You! What are you doing out here kids?” The detective ran up, as much as he could in the deep snow. “Hey I know you. What the fuck. You must be freezing.” Neither of us responded, we both stood close to each other silently observing him. Now the fear was coming on. There it was. I rolled my head back letting my neck stretch drinking in the moment. “What have you been taking?! Come here.” Neither of us moved. He approached us and went to grab me. “I said! AH FUCK,” he screamed as I caught his arm and bent it down so he was forced to his knees. 

 

“Carm stop!” Will tried. He knew if he tried to physically intervene he would have no chance against me and it would just enrage me. Reason wouldn’t work too well either. The flashlight had fallen into the snow and was casting a light over all three of us. Should just make him forget and send him home. Just that hunger. It coursed through my veins pulsing from my dead heart to my dead finger tips and toes.

 

“What are you doing out here?” I asked him.

 

“How are you this strong?” he babbled through gritted teeth. 

 

“What are you doing out here?”

 

“Carmilla!”

 

“What. Are. You. Doing. Out. Here?”

 

“Investigating.”

 

“Didn’t I tell you? Or did you forget?” I asked, keeping my voice calm. I was calm. I enjoyed this more and more. Yanking the detective up by the arm so they were dangling by a now dislocated shoulder. 

 

“Please, please let go,” he was whimpering now. The cold made the pain twice as bad. His detective swagger had disappeared almost immediately when under threat. “Please.”

 

“Will? Are you hungry?”

 

“Carmilla! You have to stop.”

 

“No? Shame. I am.”

 

“Carmilla,” he took a step towards but I turned and snarled at him and he paused. “A missing detective is so reckless.”

 

I lifted him up by the arm and looked at Will once last time and shrugged. He sighed as I fed. Leaving the detective alive. 

 

“Ok, make him forget and let’s go home.”

 

“Would you like that?” I asked the detective softly and kindly in his ear. 

 

“Fu… Fuc… Fuck yo… Fuck you.”

 

Will’s groan was one of pure agony.

 

“Hmm? Did you hear that Will?” I asked him lifting the weakened office up like a ragdoll. “Bad manners.”

 

“Carmilla,” he hissed taking another step towards me. 

 

On his third step I had already torn the arm and shoulder from the man and kicked the body back off the edge of the cliff to join the first part. 

 

“Jesus. That’s going to be an issue,” Will groaned as he walked to the edge to look down and over.

 

“Yeah,” I agreed scowling as I joined him looking down tossing the arm off too. “I just got caught up in the moment. Didn’t really expect anyone out here at this time.”

 

“Murderers return to the scene of the crime,” Will shrugged, turning his back on what had happened and started walking back the way we came. “Come on.” I did follow him.

 

“That’s just a stupid old expression.”

 

“Is it?”

 

“Well in this case no but I don’t think it’s as common… Actually shut up.”

 

“Why would that man be out here at this time? It’s madness. He could have died without your help.”

 

“That’s probably what people will think.”

 

“A bear tore off his arm or animals scavenged when he fell from the cliff… Yeah, yeah, that’s true.”

 

“So cheer up.”

 

“You’re telling me to cheer up? Admit you were wrong to do that.”

 

“Ha ha ha.”

 

“That’s probably expecting too much. What about his family would that work?”

 

“Surely you want to go down that particular tunnel?”

 

“No. No that’s true.”

 

“So we good?”

 

“Yes. We have to be. Doesn’t mean I can’t think you’re an idiot.”

 

“It is so mutual.”

 

“Are you doing anything this weekend?”

 

“Nah. You?”

 

“Yeah actually.”

 

\---l---

 

Having done your homework by Saturday afternoon wasn’t a good sign. Could always spell check it. Or I could jump from the window… There was a lot of snow so the fall wouldn’t do much damage. In fact some braver kids definitely did that. Still. Father was in his study watching sports and soon drinking beer. Could just go for a walk around the city… Before curfew kicked in before most little children. 

 

“Dad?!”

 

“Don’t shout, come here,” he shouted back. Ooook.

 

“Dad, I’m going to go for a walk.”

 

“Don’t you mean please may I?”

 

“Yes.” Grit my teeth. “May I please?”

 

“Do what?”

 

“Go for a walk.”

 

“Put it all together.”

 

“May I please go for a walk?”

 

“Very well. I’ll permit this, despite your bad attitude.”

 

Just bite your tongue. It’s easier than getting one comeback line in and being hit and locked in my room for the whole weekend. It wasn’t as bad as that sounded. 

 

It was too cold to really go for a walk but after asking father and getting his utterly dickish reply it had to be done out of spite. The snow was light in the city, cleaned up quickly and the streets were relatively busy. Lived really close to a cosy little coffee shop which a lot of couples from school went to. That was always a nice little soul crusher. Seeing people you recognized having fun together. 

 

Keeping my head down and my hands stuffed in my pockets just trudged along. Time killer. That was the weekend. Who looked forward to school when they didn’t enjoy school? Me was the answer to that depressing question.

 

Almost jumped out of my skin and reached for the bear mace canister my dad insisted was carried everywhere when a hand touched my elbow. 

 

“Ah!”

 

“Hello. You’re Danny’s friend right?”

 

“Yes… You picked me up the other week.”

 

“I know I’m just being polite.”

 

“Oh cool. Cool. Cool. Going to meet Danny?” Try to sound light and normal.

 

“Yeah, you?”

 

“Just going out for a walk.”

 

“You waited until after the sun goes down?”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“Later?”

 

“What about it?”

 

“What are you doing later?” He asked with a scowl as if I was stupid. It was stupid. Just the idea of being allowed out later was so alien the question didn’t make sense at first. Oh that’s a bad sign. 

 

“Sitting in my room.”

 

“Walking and then staying in, no wonder my sister likes you.”

 

“Ok.”

 

“I’m just joking, anyway this is me, see you around.”

 

“Bye. Have fun.”

 

Will ducked out into a side street. Alone again. Though a lot happier. His sister liked me! Wait why was that a positive thing? Her form of liking apparently was mostly insults and overly familiar nicknames. Still. Yay. She was definitely nice deep down. 

 

-

 

May have lingered around the entrance of school for a while longer than was necessary. Though anymore time than none was longer than necessary. Had noticed that when she arrived Will got out first and she lingered in the car. When Carmilla got out, did have to marvel each time at the way she dressed. It would have been fine in the Deep South.

 

She walked over to me, had developed the habit of waiting for her and then developed the anxiety she would just breeze past. Not good. Some girl… What’s her name… Ell. That’s it. Waved to Carmilla who ignored her but didn’t like that. Not sure why just knew that it made my stomach twist.

 

“Will told me that you spent all weekend crying in your room.”

 

“What?!” She was pulling your leg don’t splutter. “No! Went for a walk too. I mean no crying. Walking without crying.”

 

“Well said.”

 

“Well Will said you sat in your room all the time too.”

 

“Will is a lying cunt.”

 

“Hey!” Slapped her arm really hard. “Don’t use that word.”

 

She was fixated on the spot on her arm. She looked like the idea of someone hitting her was beyond comprehension. Maybe should apologize. No actually stand strong she was in the wrong. She fixed me with a look now, a very deep look which carried a lot of wait… Say sorry. No don’t!

 

“Hmm,” she looked away and started walking to the school. Was she mad? “You coming?”

 

“Huh? Yeah,” just jogged over. “So did you do the English homework?”

 

“No.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I didn’t want to.”

 

“I… Yeah that makes sense. I did mine.”

 

“Figures.”

 

“I’m going to assembly…” 

 

“Knock yourself out.”

 

“But… Ok.”

 

-

 

Oh no. Late again. 

 

“Laura! Sit down now,” my father shouted at me from across the hall where he was facing the school body. “Now!” That was really loud. “Right,” he clapped his hands loudly the sound reverberating around the room unpleasantly. “From here on out you are advised by the police force to walk around in pairs. Not to stray into the forests and not to go out late at night. I and my staff will be very strict with detentions from now on to encourage good behavior. Be disciplined and act properly and you won’t notice this.”

 

Waited until everyone had left, it took a while but curiosity kept me there.

 

“Dad?”

 

“What is it?”

 

“What’s happened?”

 

“With?”

 

“The police.”

 

“A detective is missing.”

 

“Missing?!”

 

“That’s what I said isn’t it? Get to class. And don’t gossip. And it’s sir here not dad.”

 

“Yes sir.”

 

-

 

“I didn’t do it.”

 

That seemed to be that. The English teacher just looked uncomfortable and left her to it. May have stared at the side of her head until she caught me and blushing and drawing cubes commenced. My homework was taken and classes begun. 

 

Couldn’t focus on class. A detective was missing? The amount of people who died up here was low. A detective? That was serious. Though none of my business. Would like to find out though.

 

===c===

 

The little blonde girl kept staring at the side of my head. I could feel her looking. Only catching her once, pretending not to for the rest of our shared classes. Maybe she had developed a little crush on me. Hmm. Didn’t feel the need to laugh at that. I had heard her speaking to her father through the walls of the school. She knew some detective was missing. It was funny actually. Students here should be thanking me for bringing some excitement to this sleepy excuse for a city.

 

E(Want me to come over tonight?)

 

Would just ignore that. She was getting annoying already. Child of a single mother who worked nights. She was clingy. Didn’t need that. Though I knew that by pushing her away and then using her again when I wanted to would only make a more desperate and obsessed girl but whatever. That was her problem not mine.

 

Would much rather spend time back at the lair. Really liked that word. Actually that wasn’t true there were other things I wouldn’t mind… Oh fuck it.

 

C(wanna do something?)

 

Did I just feel a flash of nerves… No that couldn’t be it. Hadn’t felt nerves in a long time. Why was she taking ages to reply? It actually made me squirm internally. Almost texted; answer now but my phone buzzed before.

 

L(like? x)

 

Hadn’t really thought of that. Mostly just thought of the cute little blonde girl staring at me and acted. Maybe that was what Will was talking about. That whole impulsiveness. Though we’re impulsive creatures. Another thing I wouldn’t admit to him. Plus there was a difference between a text and killing a cop. 

 

Someone else had evidence of a text.

 

C(you’re from the area)

 

L(true but u ht evrythng x)

 

C(you have a keyboard type proper words)

 

There was no way in hell I was going to start learning text speech. What she said was fine, I could understand it but some shit was incomprehensible.

 

Will had left me. He was taking Danny to the movies. The thought made me physically sick. Compared to New York or London or Tokyo this city was behind the times. He liked that. He was young. Making out with a girl in the back of his stupid car was probably fulfilling some fantasy for him. Wanting to live the 1950s. 

 

Though I was attracted to a naive, sweet, innocent girl who would have fitted in at the background of court when I was younger… What’s wrong with me? Getting all sentimental. 

 

Somehow it was Will’s fault and he would pay. 

 

=

 

“I need you out of the apartment Friday night.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I told Danny I’d cook her a meal and we would hang out.”

 

“Don’t have sex on the sofa. That’s a shared space.”

 

“So that’s a yes?”

 

“It’s not a no.”

 

“Just for once don’t be awful.”

 

“It’s a yes. I’ll find something to do.”

 

C(do something with me fri after school)

 

“Who you texting?”

 

“Fuck off.”

 

“You know that detective?”

 

“Uh-huh.”

 

“Can you look up from your phone screen? Well? Fine. Well his daughter goes to the school and…”

 

“I’m doing something Friday.”

 

“Were you listening?”

 

“No.”

 

“Bitch.”

 

“Slamming the door is childish!”

 

=

 

“My dad will want me back by eight.”

 

“That isn’t happening.”

 

“Erm.. It kind of has to.”

 

“No it doesn’t.”

 

“My father makes me get in then.”

 

“Ignore him.” 

 

“If he’s handing out detentions like nobodies business to everyone…”

 

“Everyone’s going to hate you.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Your association with the man who instructed the teaching staff to take away their free time for any reason.”

 

“Welll. Drat.”

 

“Drat…”

 

“Well anyway there is no way he’ll let me out… So we’ll have to do whatever in between school finishing and eight o’clock.”

 

“Nah. Later.”

 

“What don’t you get about this!” She stamped her little foot with indignation. It was adorable. 

 

“Let me talk to him.”

 

“I think that’s a terrible idea.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Um… I don’t have a reason but it isn’t.”

 

“I’m sure he’ll be pliable.”

 

“That’s strange word to use on a person.”

 

“Come on.”

 

“Now?”

 

“Now.”

 

Really didn’t want to hear my brother having sex. I bet he’s turned all loving and sweet, will probably fuck that redheaded giant missionary, with eye contact. Eugh . Walking in the forest was always an option, hadn’t got sick of it yet. 

 

=

 

“I’m… I’m really not sure how you managed that…” She looked at me with suspicious eyes. 

 

“Persuasive.”

 

“I… that shouldn’t have happened.”

 

“You’re freaking out that you can actually go out for once?”

 

“That just shouldn’t have happened. With everything I know of the rules of the Universe my dad shouldn’t have said yes. He should have shouted and he just…”

 

“This isn’t going to be fun is it? If you go into shock at the mere idea of leaving your house.”

 

“You have mind powers,” she nodded at me after eyeing me up and down. “Definitely.”

 

“Like an alien… Ok. You’ve been watching too much Doctor Who.”

 

“I do really like Doctor Who,” she became enthusiastic forgetting accusing me over superpower abilities. Also a reference I had which actually landed. What a dork. “So what we doing?! I’m actually going out on a Friday!”

 

“What a sad, sad, sad reaction.”

 

“True but it’s honest. Are you going to be moody. Why are you asking me to do stuff all of a sudden? Do you actually have a plan and pretending not to? To appear mysterious? Like when you don’t reply? Or aren’t dead from pneumonia for some… Reason I still can’t work out? Do you have mind powers? And I like sugary things if we’re sort of roughly outlining what we will do.”

 

Didn’t reply just fixed her with a look as she didn’t focus mentally ticking off each question from her list with a flicker of her eyes. After a moment she nodded to herself and looked back up at me with wide eyes. Again. Adorable. 

 

“Well?”

 

“Well what?”

 

“Care to answer one or more of those questions.”

 

“No.”

 

“One?”

 

“No.”

 

“I’m going to lunch you coming?”

 

“No.”

 

“Text me?”

 

“Sure.”

 

She smiled and rocked side to side. Was this some clever Machiavellian ploy to seem like a cute, tempting… Ah no. It would be too hard to pull this off as she tripped over her own feet walking away and looked back at me, went a little pink, and rushed off. 

 

I walked to the edge of the shadow of the halls just outside of the sunlight creeping in from the open door to the car park. There was a car with tinted windows with two people inside it. Pretending to be empty. Could be police. Could be students smoking pot. 

 

The problem Will had, he always had was he misunderstood the likelihood of anyone working out the truth. The truth was so impossible no one sane would come to it. They would look for any other reason. Always. The truth was beyond what they would ever think of. I placed the tip of my booted foot into the tip of the sunlight and watched with a grimace as a small trail of smoke rose from inside it, escaping over the sides of my shoe. 

 

Don’t know why I did that. Just hurt my foot.

 

=

 

“Out.”

 

“I know.”

 

There was only so much mocking of her brother’s candles and carrier bags full of food. How the hell would he know how to cook? Maybe he did when he was younger. I know I have never ever cooked a single thing in my life.

 

Out of the elevator and onto the street I looked around and when I was sure no one could see disappeared to human eyes and reappeared at the town house I dropped Laura off at on our first excursion. I knocked hard twice.

 

“Good afternoon Miss Luce.”

 

Laura’s father looked like an asshole. Rude and in love with himself. Seen a lot of men like him. Never liked any of them. Especially giving me Will’s last name. 

 

“Where’s Laura?” I asked pointedly.

 

“Well I had some thoughts about that and I don’t know what I was thinking the other day. However my daughter may go out with you but she must be back for her curfew.”

 

“No, that doesn’t work for me.”

 

“Excuse me?” He cocked an eyebrow. I just fixed him with a glare, one he glanced away from for a moment then back and away once more before I had him.

 

“That doesn’t work for me,” I repeated. 

 

“It… It… It… It’s the rules.”

 

“Then break them.”

 

“Ok.”

 

“Hi Carm!” Laura finally came downstairs. “You didn’t text?” We had arranged to meet why would I text her first? I hate modern life. “Dad? Dad?” I could feel Laura’s eyes darting between both of us. I let him free of my gaze.

 

“Have fun girls.”

 

“Don’t worry dad I’ll be back for curfew,” Laura shot me a sympathetic, ‘I’m sorry,’ look. 

 

“Oh no, you needn’t worry,” her father replied a little dreamily. I wondered what it felt like to have your mind messed with? Actually who cares. It can’t happen to me. 

 

Laura stumbled out onto the sidewalk next to me. Her father shut the door and I heard him too stumble and almost fall. He would sleep it off. 

 

“Do you have mind powers?”

 

“No.”

 

“What are we going to do?”

 

“No idea.”

 

“Actually I don’t want to get off the mind powers thing. My dad was certain I would be back for curfew. Again.”

 

“I told him that wouldn’t be happening.”

 

“He seemed a little off too... Are you sure?”

 

“About having mind powers?”

 

“Yes! Though if you did you wouldn’t tell me would you? Or if you admitted something then it would be sarcastic.”

 

“You don’t need me here for this conversation do you?”

 

“Nope! It’s nice too. A little strange. I mean why did you want to do something? With me that is? I’m the least fun person in school.”

 

“What’s fun?”

 

“Drinking, partying… Things I’m not privy too.”

 

“Using phrases like privy too doesn’t help with the invites. Though something must be wrong with you. What was it? Acne? Big braces with the metal strap around the back of the head?”

 

“Why?”

 

“Well you’re too good looking to be a nerdy outcast.”

 

“Thanks! Get that in before the but comes.”

 

“So I can imagine a lot of guys want to fuck you, cute little virgin girl.”

 

“Can you stop!”

 

“Why?”

 

“It’s making me uncomfortable.”

 

“You must be so repressed.”

 

“Yup. Wanna go for a walk first? I wanna walk. I like walks.”

 

“Sure. I do too.”

 

“Hey look at that!” She turned to beam at me as we walked slowly along the street. “You said some normal without be sarcastic or rude.”

 

“Rude?”

 

“Uh-huh,” she nodded unabashed her hat falling over her eyes as she did. As she pushed the hat up and blow the hair which had come loose back up, that twinge was there again. Hadn’t felt that… Long time. “Which walk do you want to walk?”

 

“I don’t care.”

 

“I thought you liked walks?!”

 

\---l---

 

Every step taken after curfew had come and gone was amazing. Way too amazing for what it was. Freedom. Actual freedom. My phone hadn’t gone off telling me to get my ass home now or else. The icy cold wind from the bay whipped my face but who cares? Free on a Friday. Friday freedom!

 

“How did you manage to do this?”

 

“This?”

 

“Convincing my dad!” Wasn’t going to let this go. This shouldn’t be happening and yet she just asked and my father crumbled under her gaze. Saw it on the steps of the house. He crumbled. 

 

“This again?” Carmilla sighed hopping onto the railing of the waterside walk we were taking, sitting with her back facing the incoming barrage of cold air.

 

“Yes! I’m not even asking you why aren’t dead from the cold anymore.”

 

“He must have changed his mind.”

 

“No! That doesn’t happen. If I even question him…” Actually probably shouldn’t admit that. No one knew that. Not even my closest friends knew the sore, angry welts and old white and grey scars which covered my lower body. “Look it doesn’t happen. It adds up you know?”

 

“What does?”

 

“You don’t get cold. You can change the most stubborn man in a thousand miles mind with a glance… There’s something up?”

 

“Like?”

 

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking.”

 

“I’m an immortal monster.”

 

“Fine! If you aren’t going to be serious. Wanna grab some food?” She clearly didn’t want to talk about it and didn’t want to scare her off… Really didn’t want to. Just had to ask questions when there were glaring questions to be asked.

 

“Sure.”

 

The ring of the bell over the ice cream parlor door was fun. Old school. Tring. Tring. Tring.

 

“Stop that and go in,” Carmilla pushed my back and almost fell over. “Get a seat and I’ll get you something.”

 

“You’re not eating?” She came and joined me with a ludicrously oversized cone which was pretty sure was gotten as a joke to mock me somehow. She shook her head. “Why not?!”

 

“I told you immortal monster.”

 

“Very funny.”

 

“Maybe I’m being serious.”

 

“Maybe but I don’t think so. You know ‘cause monsters don’t exist.”

 

“Don’t they?” she asked absentmindedly looking out of the window into the darkness. 

 

“What monster then?”

 

“Guess.”

 

“Hmmm, well I don’t think you would be a werewolf. They’re all gruff and hairy, would probably eat a lot. You’re not a ghost I’ve seen you interacting with other people and pick things up. A vampire is the most likely. You don’t eat. Have mind powers. Are pale. Don’t feel the cold. I haven’t seen you out in the sun… Huh.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“It all adds up, the only problem is that monsters aren’t real.”

 

“Well there you go. You ask a lot of questions.”

 

“I want to be a journalist.”

 

“Don’t like journalists.”

 

“No? So you don’t like me?” That was a tentative question which was basically just fishing for a compliment. Or at least not an insult.

 

“Don’t really know you, you’re just interesting.”

 

“I am?! I mean cool.”

 

She laughed, it was a far sweeter and nicer laugh than would be expected. Thought it might be mocking. She was pretty when she laughed. Well she drop dead gorgeous anyway. It was just a different form her beauty took. A rarer one. 

 

“You don’t laugh much.”

 

“Not much is funny.”

 

“You have a nice laugh.”

 

“Are you trying to get lucky on this little date?”

 

Coughed on my ice cream and let it fall over the front of my jacket under her bemused gaze. Tried to respond and just coughed and spluttered again. That was… A joke. Yet took it seriously and… and… Embarrassment.

 

“No?” 

 

Why make that a question?

 

“No? That’s a shame,” she smirked at me and sat back in the couch we were sitting at throwing her legs up onto the cushions. “Well? Put your arms out of the way!” After moving accordingly she threw her black jean clad legs over mine. She didn’t speak for a while, her eyes were closed and she had the hint of a smile playing over his lips.

 

Don’t know what to do with the old arms and hands and upper body. Lean back and embrace it? Being neurotic made every social decision the worst thing ever. Was this a date? With a girl… Did know that about myself but definitely hadn’t told another soul. Oh except Danny, Laf and Perry. So three souls. It was the second most guarded secret in my life. She was confusing.

 

Did want to touch her legs… would that be pervy? 

 

Well no, because they’re thrown over you.

 

Well yes, because you shouldn’t touch people uninvited.

 

“If you spill ice cream on my jeans… I don’t have a threat but… Don’t.”

 

Stop being a coward. Always scared and nervous just act without worrying the repercussions would be world ending. Taking the tip of a finger coated in ice cream and placing it to Carmilla’s nose made me laugh a lot. That was worth it. 

 

“You look SO grumpy it’s cute.”

 

“I’m not cute,” she hissed looking around for a servette. “You’re cute.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Yeah, you’re cute I’m not. I’m refined.”

 

“Whatever, you don’t look it with ice cream on your face.”

 

“Pfft.”

 

“Annnnnnnnyway, where didya come from before?”

 

“Really? We’re asking questions. Fine one for one.”

 

“Okie dokie.”

 

“Eugh. Will and I were in Chicago.”

 

“The Windy City!”

 

“The very same,” she drawled. “Did you have some sort of defect up until this year?”

 

“No… How do you mean?”

 

“That counts are your question.”

 

“No it doesn’t and no. Why?”

 

“I asked before why no one is interested in you.”

 

“You are.”

 

“Am I?”

 

“I don’t know,” my voice cracked a little. “This is difficult. Navigating conversations.”

 

“Welcome to being a teenager.”

 

“You say like you’ve been one longer than me.”

 

She just smirked and closed her eyes again. 

 

=

 

“That was an abomination.”

 

“I like the main guy in Sherlock… Some of the scenery shifts were cool.”

 

“If you say so.”

 

“Wow it’s 11.30!”

 

“You’re 17 right?”

 

“Uh-huh.”

 

“Shouldn’t be that excited about 11.30.”

 

“Well I am… Will you walk me home?”

 

“I suppose I have to.”

 

“I think you really enjoy doing stuff with me.”

 

“How’d you figure?”

 

“Well you moan and say mean things…”

 

“Mean things?”

 

“Yuppers, but I don’t think you would bother if you didn’t want to. I mean you don’t do homework. You don’t work in class. Everyone seems to just let this happen. You know because of your mind powers. So yeah.”

 

“Curiosity again. You’re be a good journalist I think.”

 

“Oh thanks.”

 

“Not a compliment. Still it works both ways you know? I see you staring at the side of my head in classes. I see you staring in general when you think I’m not. Waiting for me to get out of my brother’s car in the morning. Do you think of me a lot? When you’re alone?”

 

“You say I sound like a journalist…” I began, trying to choke back the embarrassment of having these things I thought she hadn’t noticed exposed. “You sound like a predator.”

 

“A monster,” she corrected softly. “And do you?”

 

“Do I what?”

 

“Think of me? You stare so much.”

 

“It’s my turn for a question.”

 

We came to a stop on the street corner where my house was. Close to the cinema. Standing in the pale, orange glow of the corner street lamp, light flakes of snowing passing us. She was looking up at each falling flake as if she could see the hidden intricacies of their structures. She caught one on the tip of her finger.

 

“I’m waiting.”

 

Oh right my question. Shit. Didn’t have one prepared. Could just blurt out ‘are you gay do you like me?’ Though in reality would never ever do that ever. 

 

“I had fun tonight. A lot actually.”

 

“Despite my grumpiness,” she asked, moving back into motion wiping what was left of the snowflakes away between her index finger and thumb. 

 

“In spite of.”

 

Say something. Do something. Oh what an idiot.

 

“I had fun.” that’s right just repeat yourself like an idiot. Let yourself be intimidated out of something again. “Goodnight.”

 

“Goodnight cutie.” She looked as if she had been waiting for something from me. 

 

Turned on my heel and shuffled a few paces before turning around quickly and rushing back to hug her really tightly. She was cold and didn’t respond, just stood stock still. After an awkward moment of regret her hands came down to rest on my back and squeeze back. 

 

“Ok goodnight!”

 

Turned away again. Should have maybe tried to kiss her? Don’t know… Turning again she was gone. Huh. Should just go into the house. Instead walking back and looking down the two streets which split the crossroads where we stopped. She was nowhere… How was that… It wasn’t possible. Physically impossible. What the heck?

 

Shaking my head finally went into the house. Why ruin a fun night by being concerned about all the concerning things about my new friend?!


	4. four: no longer alone in the dark

“It smells like food in here.”

 

“I cooked!”

 

“I don’t like it. At all. I liked the clean, sterile smell of bleach.”

 

“You don’t have to breathe.”

 

“No, but I like to. It’s what keeps me so fucking calm and so fucking relaxed.”

 

“What did you do last night? Murder anyone important? The Mayor? The Senator?”

 

“No. I went out with a friend.”

 

“What?! You don’t have a friend.”

 

“Don’t try to mock me. When I got back you were sleeping next to that giant. It wasn’t even three.”

 

“It was sweet.”

 

“You disgust me.”

 

“I’m not getting off the topic. What did you do?”

 

“Should we get coffee and hang? Gossip together? Asshole.”

 

“The little blonde girl? It’s not a guess, Danny told me.”

 

“Hmm.”

 

“Well did you fuck her?”

 

“No.”

 

“Feed?”

 

“No.”

 

“Did you kiss her at least.”

 

“No… No, I let her hug my waist.”

 

“Did you hug her back?” He waggled his eyebrows. I hate him.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Did you want to kiss her?” He asked in a patronizingly high voice. I punched him directly in the sternum. “So…” He coughed through his freshly broken ribs. “That’s… a… yes?” He breathed out as his ribs healed. “Yes?”

 

“Shut up, I’m going out.”

 

“It’s a yes.”

 

Really wanted to slam the door but the amount of damage that would do wasn’t worth the satisfaction of slamming it in the first place. Will was too happy with himself. 

 

Was pretty sure that Laura wanted to kiss me but was just shy. Already told myself I wasn’t going after the sweet, innocent girl and I broke that promise. So I wasn’t going to push her. Oh god. What’s happening to me. Should have just killed her. Or pushed her back against that lamp post and force my knee between her thighs… Definitely need a walk in the coldest place I could find. 

 

Need my skin to be ice to cool off. 

 

It was strange. The tiny little blonde girl didn’t seem to respond to that look which things like me could give. She didn’t seem feel the discomfort every other person felt when around me. As if she couldn’t sense the danger. Or at least wasn’t aware of the danger. Or thinking she wasn’t in the danger others were. 

 

She just stared back at me unaffected by my gaze and then glanced sideways and then grinned. If my heart was beating her smile would probably melt it. Jesus Christ. I’m turning into Will. Worse than Will actually. Will was pursuing a girl out of a desire to blend in. I’m actually getting a… A crush…

 

Fuck I need to fucking kill something.

 

=

 

That smirk. Will was a bastard. 

 

“Have you packed your satchel for tomorrow?”

 

“I will… One day…”

 

“You know you’re turning into Ralph Kramden.”

 

“I don’t know who that is but I’m angry with you.”

 

“It’s an old reference. I forget you’re ancient.”

 

“Screw off.”

 

“Did you go out to feed?”

 

“Yeah, I hurt the person badly. Really badly.”

 

“You can be all dark and evil but I know, I know you are just trying to hide your crush.”

 

“I’ll crush you.”

 

“Fuckin’ awful comeback,” Will barked that laugh which made me sick. “Do you like her?” he put on a mocking taunting sing song voice. “With her blonde… brunette whatever it is hair.”

 

“It’s like honey.”

 

“Honey?”

 

Oh no. That just slipped out. 

 

“Did you say honey?” He asked the smile getting so wide. 

 

I let my teeth elongate and snarled at him. He held his hands up in surrender. 

 

“Fine, fine, I got what I need to keep me smug for a while.”

 

\---l---

 

“I…” The belt came down hard. “Told.” Again. “You.” Again, each word punctuated with the leather coming down. “Now go to your room and think about what you’ve done!” My dad ordered. He was furious. Really furious. Not even sure why. Don’t let him see you cry. Don’t let him see you cry. 

 

Rushing up to my room and hiding under the sheets felt a bit safer. More secure. Took my phone off the charger. No texts… Could text Carmilla. Couldn’t tell if she liked me… She did remember that my favorite thing was sugary treats and took me to an ice cream parlor. That was nice. 

 

L(hey what’s up x)

 

Got nervous texting. That’s a little sad. Just needed some distraction from the throbbing pain in my upper butt. 

 

C (nothing. bored)

 

Phew. She replied quickly. Think it might be a little bit of a crush. Little bit. Though she was super pretty. Like way too pretty for me.

 

L (have done your homework? x)

 

C (...)

 

L (is that a yes? x)

 

C (you’re an idiot)

 

L (sorry… won’t bother you x)

 

Well that went poorly. Made me feel bad. That’s great. Physical pain to go with emotional. Very slowly changed into my pyjamas. The skin was red, with raised white welts. Red and angry amongst previous scars and bruises. Marks which would last forever probably. Permanent scars for temporary anger. 

 

My phone buzzed and almost fell over the other side of the bed jumping for it. 

 

C (you’re not. I was teasing you)

 

Bit my lip really hard. Just do it. Why not?

 

L (phew glad its just harmless flirting x)

 

Made my own heart racing. Definitely knew kids in my year and probably those below went around having sex and drinking and taking drugs but… That was all alien to me.

 

Too scared to even text. My dad really has messed me up hasn’t he? That’s a thought best kept buried deep inside. Waited for a good thirty seconds, which felt like a lot, lot, longer until the little ellipsis appeared showing she was replying. 

 

C (who said it was harmless?)

 

Eep. 

 

L (me? x)

 

C (harmless is boring.)

 

C (it isn’t fun if someone or thing isn’t harmed)

 

L (that’s a bit creepy x)

 

C (why do I scare you?)

 

L (yes… x)

 

L (hate to admit it x)

 

C (yet you still text me?)

 

That was true. Kind of lost my flow. Hated having to put awkward thought into this. Trying to walk to the tightrope of not being too flirtatious… ‘Cause I would crumble into embarrassment. While also not devolving into boring, safe stuff.

 

L (whatycha doing tonight? x)

 

C (monster business)

 

L (lol x)

 

L (seriously? x)

 

C (bored, we covered that cutie x)

 

L (even flirting with with me x) 

 

May have got a little excited that she put a ‘x’ too. A little pathetic of me. Still.

 

C (its just words)

 

L (huh? x)

 

C (can’t get excited with words x)

 

Eeep. Pretty sure that means something though if it doesn’t would be embarrassing to presume. Being at high school means embarrassment is the ultimate trump card which informs behavior over anything else. 

 

L (i’m not sending you naked pictures of myself x)

 

C (shame)

 

Well that was a conversation killer. Couldn’t really get back into asking about homework… No way I would send a picture of myself… Wouldn’t mind one of her. Almost texted back; ‘I will if you do first ;)’ but decided against it after a lot of debate. Too shy for that.

 

-

 

Ow.

 

A snowball hit me hard in the face. Then another.

 

Who did that?

 

Looking around a lot of dirty looks were directed at me.

 

Oh the detentions right. Everyone was going to take it out on me right? Perhaps should have just gone in with my friends rather than waiting. However, wanted to wait. Even as a second snowball hit me. 

 

Every part of me was tense and painful, just anxiety taking over as the prospect of a day at school surrounded by hatred sunk in. Didn’t even having a loving parent to go home to.

 

When the car I was looking pulled up actually went over to it rather than wait. 

 

“Eager this morning cutie?” Carmilla got out of the car. “Will?” Her brother who had got up the other side looked over at her. “Go fuck off somewhere else yeah?”

 

“Nice to see you Laura.”

 

“You too Will.” Probably shouldn’t have waved. Seem forced. “So hey.”

 

“Hey. You’re getting a lot of dirty looks.”

 

“People don’t like me I guess,” tried to sound normal and not bothered. 

 

“Uh huh,” she smirked. Her arm shot out and she caught a snowball. “Must be a downside of living in this shit hole of a state, the ground itself can be weaponized.”

 

“I suppose so. Good catch.”

 

She blinked slowly dropping the snowball.

 

“Glad I’m not you cutie.”

 

“Yeah I know.”

 

“Don’t be depressing.”

 

“I am depressed.”

 

“Maybe if you get broken down enough you’ll send me those naked pictures.”

 

“What? Huh? Ah.”

 

“What? You brought it up.”

 

“Yeah but that’s the texting world. This is the real world.”

 

“There is a difference?”

 

“A big one.” How did someone as gorgeous as her not know that? 

 

“Eugh. I hate everything.”

 

“Even me?”

 

“You’re alright I guess. If that fucker throws that at me I’m going to pull out of his intestines and hang him with them,” Carmilla replied. She hadn’t looked away from me… How did she… Nevermind. “Come on. Stop gawking.”

 

Kind of liked her being possessive… Hmmm. Best not to examine that too deeply. Could one of the personality flaws which definitely do have… Just follow her.

 

Eyes turned to me. People by their lockers looking angry. Gee thanks dad.

 

-

 

“You comin’ to lunch?”

 

“No…” Didn’t want to deal with a whole room, barely supervised hating me. 

 

“You have to eat Laur…”

 

Laf ran over interrupting our argument over whether eating under duress was a good idea or not. 

 

“Hey have you heard?!” They spluttered. 

 

“What?” Danny and I said in unison. 

 

“Do you know that girl Lucy? Lucy Smith?”

 

“Erm, yeah year below us right?”

 

“She’s been missing since Thursday apparently.” 

 

=C=

 

Will appeared next to me. 

 

“You shouldn’t be moving at that speed in public,” I chastised him. 

 

“Did you kill another girl?”

 

“No… Erm wait,” stroking my chin sarcastically. “Nope.”

 

“Really? Beca…”

 

“I know,” I stopped him. “My hearing is better than yours stupid.”

 

“And you want me to believe you had nothing to do with that?”

 

“Yeah. I would admit it.”

 

“Hmmm…”

 

“Humans kill each too you know.”

 

“Well, ok then. I’m not sure I believe you.”

 

“I couldn’t give a fuck. I didn’t kill the girl.”

 

“You better not have.”

 

“Why? I’ll kill who I like.”

 

“If you have to kill… Jesus, I’m like a terrible parent, begging you down for one unreasonable thing to a slightly less unreasonable thing. If you have to kill keep it out of town.”

 

“I have. I told you have. If you keep giving me all this shit I’ll break something of yours.”

 

“In school?”

 

“You’re moving in superspeed.”

 

“We can talk later. I’m guessing you’ve got more important things to do.”

 

“Yeah, now I do.”

 

We both felt someone coming. Someone I wanted to talk to a lot more than my awful, smug brother. Couldn’t stand his sanctimonious aloofness as of late, and I didn’t really like him to begin with. He was like a recovering addict who had stayed clean for all of a week and decided that was enough to turn around and start being braggadocios about his sobriety and the benefits of such. I’d seen what he had done first hand. It would turn the stomach of Idi Amin. 

 

“Hey!” 

 

“Hi cutie.”

 

“Hi Will!” She waved again, really enthusiastically. Maybe it was just my intrinsic nastiness and darkness that attracted me to the tiny blonde. Opposites and all that. 

 

“Hell…” 

 

I interrupted him with a shove. 

 

“He’s leaving.”

 

Will smiled kindly to Laura and took his leave. 

 

“Your brother seems nice.”

 

“Because he says hello? Or because he’s fucking your best friend?”

 

She spluttered and went pink. 

 

“Just nice,” she mumbled shyly looking down. 

 

“He really isn’t. Though neither am I and you seem to like me.”

 

“Uh-huh,” another shy nod. It almost warmed my heart how sweet she was. Almost. “I do like you.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Sorry?”

 

Didn’t repeat the question she heard just waited fixing her with my hundreds of year old gaze. How didn’t it affect her? Was she so full of sunshine that it diluted my darkness? Hmm. 

 

“I just do…”

 

“Not just latching on the one other dyke in the school in hope of a fuck?”

 

More spluttering. 

 

“N… N. No,” she made that sound like a question. “I need to get lunch somewhere do you want to go into town?”

 

“No.”

 

“Oh. Ok.”

 

“I don’t like the sunlight.”

 

“Riight. I could just eat from the vending machine…” She rocked her head side to side as she thought. Again, just so adorable. The fuck was wrong with me. “Actually that could be fun. I like sugary stuff… My dad doesn’t let me have any cookies or sodas or…”

 

“Stop.”

 

“Alright,” she hummed and grabbed my elbow and yanked me into motion to follow her. Again that was different. Most people were too scared by my aura to dare look me in the eye yet alone touch me. “Do you want anything?” She asked happily, beaming as she scanned the confectionary. 

 

“No.”

 

“You must eat sometime?”

 

“No.”

 

“I don’t believe you.”

 

“Calling me a liar?”

 

“Uh-huh,” she mumbled absentmindedly as looked through the glass. I pulled out a wad of cash. Only had hundreds. Pushed on in. “Woah. You’re going to get LOADS of change… Are you trying to impress me?” She asked in a sing song voice.

 

It had been a long, long time since I was wrong footed. She was doing that to me. I was used to having that effect on others. 

 

“Yes?” She asked looking up at me with her big brown, expressive eyes. I had been staring myself. The fuck. 

 

“Nothing. Got your snacks?”

 

“Yup.”

 

=

 

It was nice to see the tiny little girl so happy with all of her little snacks, eating in a stairwell. She opened up about how everyone at school hated her, how her dad was nasty, and a bully and how he became vile to her since her mother ran out. I admired the fact she hadn’t turned into a victim. Though how smiley and full of happiness would she have been with a good home life?! 

 

The night air purged me of my stress. Relieved me of my tension.

 

The night was everything to me. My natural habitat. A vampire in daylight is like a fish out of water. A vampire in night is like a shark in deep, fast flowing water with the scent of prey in its nostrils. 

 

Something was off though. That faint copper, metallic tinge was floating in the dark. 

 

To a human nose the breeze carried indistinct smells rumbling over each other. To mine it was a tapestry of sounds and colours weaved together like musical notes on a music sheet. Each singing to me and telling a different, distinct and detailed story. 

 

Tonight I could smell blood. That beautiful smell which fuelled my body and fuelled my life. Blood and sex. Combining the two was rapture. However normally I spilled the blood. This was different. Something violent and angry to this blood. 

 

Moving through the streets of Anchorage towards the blood it became stronger and more pungent. 

 

My phone buzzed.

 

L(Hi wanna do something with me this weekend? My dad is away.)

 

Had to stop and answer that. Priorities.

 

C(Of course.)

 

Back to business. Step after step. 

 

Oh if there’s been a murder that would be so satisfying to rub Will’s smug fucking face in it. ‘See you idiot, I’m not responsible for all the murder in the world.’ 

 

Buzz again.

 

L(We can watch a movie? Seeing as you don’t eat ;) x)

 

Didn’t know what that punctuation meant. 

 

C(We have unfinished business)

 

This was definitely the poorest part of the city. The crime ridden slums I had avoided all my life. One might think it was a good place to hunt. It wasn’t. I don’t want dirty blood. Drug spoiled. Poor diets. Sexual diseases. 

 

L(like making out? x)

 

C(getting brave are we?)

 

The blood stain was easy to find. An empty street, with boarded up windows, I could hear people muttering inside the broken houses. Drug addicts. Prostitutes. Low lifes. 

 

It was sloppy. The act of a maniac. It wasn’t from here. Someone had been dragged out of a car. Maybe carried. This would be a good place to hide a body. The police never cared about these places. There were meant to protect society, and society didn’t care about those who dwelled in the slums so there was nothing to protect. The people here were noones. Phantoms. 

 

The blood was a girls. It wasn’t that fresh but fresh enough that I could find the perpetrator soon enough. 

 

L(honestly I had to build up A LOT of confidence x)

 

C(honestly I thought you meant fucking)

 

That would shut her up for a moment or two. Smiled to myself despite the situation at the thought of Laura’s face going red with shy embarrassment. She had thought it. Would never have the balls to say it.

 

Just had to follow this trail and find whoever this person was, drag them in front of Will and laugh at his stupid wrong face and then kill whoever it was…

 

Then laugh at Will some more and could get on with my… Whatever it was with Laura.

 

“Hey yo!”

 

I turned. I knew two people were approaching but I presumed they’d pass. Idiots. No one ever learned. I sighed, really annoyed, standing back up, leaving the blood stains for a moment. 

 

“What?” I snapped.

 

Two men with hoodies on, one pointing a cheap little revolver at me stood a little too close in the dark poorly lit street.

 

“Give us everything you have now,” the unarmed one shouted. He was scratching one arm with the other. Addict. Not even worth eating. 

 

“No. Fuck off,” I turned back to look at the blood then up around at the houses. Some had basements. Hey my phone buzzed. Wondered how she reacted to that. Almost laughed. These houses had basements. Some of them. Hmmm. It wasn’t obvious. 

 

“I said GIVE US EVERYTHING YOU HAVE!” 

 

The pistol was now out shaking and held out pointing at my gut.

 

“I said fuck off.” 

 

L(Not that sort of gal ;-) x)

 

C(I’m real persuasive)

 

She was cute, I slid my phone back into my pocket. Just as the pistol fired and caught me in the side.

 

“Oh you bastard,” I snarled, my teeth extending, my eyes going fully black. I stalked towards the shooter and ripped the pistol away and lifted him up so his feet struggled to find the floor. “Do you know how expensive this jacket is?! It’s Italian leather!”

 

The other ‘mugger,’ was fleeing. 

 

“What are you?!” 

 

“A bad dream you zilch.”

 

Sirens. Fucking Fuck. I dropped the gun and threw the man down hard. Something cracked. I disappeared in a flash of a human eye. He was lucky he shot me otherwise he would have suffered a nasty death. Now I couldn’t follow that trail. Will was somehow to blame. Stopping by the harbor I dug out the slug and threw it into the water and felt my skin knit itself back together instantly. Couple of scumbags just did more damage than they could have imagined in their addled brains.

 

Bad night I guess.

 

L(I like persuasive x)

 

Mixed night at least.


	5. five: blood blizzards

“Don’t just hold your hand at me, explain.”

“It’s blood stupid.”

“Yes, I know, is this like when a teenage boy first fingers a girl and wants his friends to smell?” Will smirked. “You’ve killed someone and want me to have a whiff?”

“A whiff… Eugh.”

“Shoulda grown out of that three hundred years ago at least.”

“Men talked to women with a bit more respect back then.”

“In my day too, glad they are long gone.”

“Whatever, you know that girl who disappeared?”

“The one you killed?”

“No! The one I didn’t.”

“Oh right,” Will nodded sarcastically, “it’s hard to keep track.”

“Well I found this blood stain and there was someone near…”

“So, leave it to the police.”

“Is that you admitting I didn’t do it?”

“Fine, I believe you. I don’t know why you care.”

“I’m a murderer not a liar.”

“We all have our faults.”

“Fuck you you’re both. A month or so of playing human doesn’t wash out the blood from your hands,” I spat at him. Getting angrier at myself for being pulled into this typical argument again.

“No but soap does. So…” He motioned to the bathroom with his head.

“Asshole.”

“So what if there’s a killer, we’re killers can’t we live in peace and harmony? Perhaps even offer the peace pipe and trade killing tips?”

“I’m more of a bury the peace pipe and dig up the hatchet type of gal,” I told him darkly shoving past him. 

The blood wasn’t even staining my hands. I just touched it. My own blood was the prevalent smell. I stalked into my room and threw my favorite, favorite! Leather jacket over onto the pile of clothes I’d been leaving since we’d moved in. Favorite. Got it in Italy in the eighties. 

Though it was true that originally I was just trying to prove that someone else was the murderer. Mostly to prove a petty point. Also was going to be the hero I was deep down and save this shit hole city from a killer! Like Dexter… Think that reference holds up… Inner monologue who cares.

=

“You can hear right?”

“Another missing person, do you think this is somehow your fault for not hunting down this killer?”

“Not in the slightest. I tried and may try some more, if you know, something doesn’t come up.”

“Don’t act all noble. People will sniff around your murders too.”

“Oh and if they discover there’s a monster you’ll be safe?”

“Good point.”

“I know I’m smarter than you.”

“Hmm.”

“So do something, instead of chasing giant redheads.”

“Tiny blondes…” Will muttered as he pushed open the car door and walked out into the snow. There was a blizzard coming in and already it was hard for me to see through the white sleet. Had to operate on smell and heat signatures. 

“What are you doing?” I approached Laura. She looked adorable wrapped up with her hood almost completely zipped. Staring up at me with her doe like eyes. 

“Waiting,” she stopped and scrunched up her face as the fur lining of the hood blew into her mouth. “Yuck.”

“For me?”

“Of course. I would have got you a coffee… But you don’t eat or drink. Or at least in front of people, and it would go cold… We still on for the weekend? It’s great when my dad goes out of town… He visits his brother and they do whatever. But I have a break from him and…”

“We’re still on,” I stopped her mid-ramble.

“Was I rambling?” She asked intuitively as we entered the school and she pulled off her huge hood and shook her hair out. Honey… If honey could cascade.

“Yup.”

“Didya hear about what happened in the city?! Some teacher from the kid’s school was found dead… Then some woman from the Starbucks has vanished!”

“Probably dead.”

“Well… That’s pretty cold.”

“Must be the weather rubbing off me.”

“That’s why you need a spruce hood to keep your ears warm!” She beamed at me and demonstrated by flipping up the hood and back down. “Warm,” she nodded with a certainty that made me crack a smile. “Anyway! I read about a serial killer called Robert Hansen years ago who kidnapped young girls and women in Anchorage and killed them!”

“So? He hasn’t come back from the dead.”

“No… But aren’t copycat killers a thing?”

“On television maybe.”

“Humpfh. I think it’s a lead.”

“A lead?”

“I want… Nevermind. How many have died recently though?”

“Compared to…”

“Huh?” She actually scratched the top of her head in confusion… Jesus she was cute.

“Compared to the Congo very few people have died.”

“That’s true… But…”

“Whatever,” I stopped her. “Leave it to the police.” And me in the deepest recesses of the night. “So I’m coming over to yours? Not mine?”

“Yours… I never asked… Danny may have told me… You have a place like a nice one right?”

“Yeah.”

“Where are your parents?”

“You’re curious aren’t you?”

“You’re avoiding the question,” she basically sang. Did she skip alternative steps when she was happy? Just another thing I liked. 

“In London.”

“Canada? Or England?”

“England,” I replied slowly. That was really stupid of Will and I wasn’t it? Not thinking of a backstory in any depth. Though I hadn’t planned on making friends. Especially nosy ones. 

“I like England.”

“Good for you. Any countries you don’t like? Or is England just one of your favorites,” I wrestled back control of the conversation. 

“It is yeah,” she smiled widely at me. Unapologetic. Huh. How about that.

=

The air was colder than usual. I wouldn’t be able to find anyone in this dark. It was too much. The snow blinded even my eyes. I could sense heat signatures and feel them, hear heartbeats but vision was gone. Fucking Alaska. Terrible place.

Had to settle for animal blood. I had left it too long. 

Probably couldn’t feed off Laura. Didn’t really want to do that with her. Kind of liked the whole highschool romance thing we were having. Nope. No. No. No that is a thought I won’t even acknowledge that sort of thing ever. Fucking blizzard couldn’t even take my aggression on someone.

Will was with Danny in the apartment, watching television with his arm around her, all snuggled up. 

“Hey sis,” he called over his shoulder as I closed the door. “Where you been?”

“Out.”

“Hi Carmilla,” Danny turned and smiled. I didn’t return the smile and she turned back into my brother’s shoulder.

“Yes, hello.”

“Did you have a goo…”

“Shut up Will,” I muttered. “Don’t be here Friday. I need the place.”

“Oh! Are you hanging out with a mutual friend of ours?” Danny perked up again.

“We’re not friends, so we don’t have any mutual friends.”

“Carm, place nice.”

“Will don’t call me that and fuck off.”

I stalked into my room and dug out my copy of Divine Comedy, Divina Commedia, a poem which was read by every great philosopher of the Renaissance. It was calming. I heard Danny telling my brother she didn’t like me much and wanted to rip the book in half when he told her it was just my time of the month. What a prick. 

=

The lights of the supermarket were intrusive, if a light could be. So bright they hurt my eyes a bit. Even a human eye must be hurt by them. All the packets of horrible food looked repulsive. I walked past all the vegetables and fruit. The fresh smell smelt like rot to me. Still Laura mentioned over and over again she liked sugary shit. Shouldn’t judge, I think her father is probably a real dick.

Flipping candies and chocolates into my basket I sped up. Only pausing at the cookies. She liked them the best I think. Which ones… Could get all of them? What am I doing? I’m humming and harring and anxious about snacks?

“Hey babe.”

I didn’t even look at the frat boy next to me. Holding a case of beer under one arm. He had a moron friend standing back and eating chips from the bag before buying them. Hate that. 

Definitely would be annoyed if I picked the wrong one. If that little face got all sad and pretended it was fine to spare my feeling that wouldn’t be good for the whole not addressing certain thoughts I had. Just buy one of each and keep ignoring those thoughts. Just stumble into each action. That was how I wanted to live. Introspection just causes a lot of hurt.

Much prefer hurting others.

Sweeping a whole row of cookies into the basket I kept walking. 

“Hey that’s al…”

“Can you not take the hint I’m not interested?” I snapped over my shoulder. “Fucking creep.” The guy retreated muttering to his buddy. Soda and all the other shit went in. Maybe should get some alcohol… Don’t really want her to be drunk… Want her to like me… Jesus christ Carmilla. What is wrong with me.

The cashier was the perfect human. Didn’t want to talk to me, didn’t want to be here and didn’t want anything from me.

L(do have any dvds? x)

What are… Oh right, definitely should know what they are.

C(nooooope)

Sliding my phone back into the pocket of my backup leather jacket I strolled out of the store with a bulging bag of groceries. Just junk. Those two frat boy morons were waiting outside by Will’s car, which took without asking, could key it too, just to really annoy him… Ignoring them I opened the back door and shoved the food in.

“That’s a sweet car I would…”

“If you speak once more I’ll pull the bottom of your spine out of your mouth,” I snarled. They walked quickly then soon they were jogging away. Idiots. Could go after them… Eat something drunk and stupid… No, that would be like junk food for me, dirty blood full of toxins. I got in the car thinking about following them.

L(then original plan and come to mine x)

C(noooope)

That wasn’t happening. Being in her weird family home with photographs and nick-nacks would be overbearing. Didn’t want to see some picture of a smiling kid with a now dead mother. Don’t need to think about things like that… Nope. Getting her to come to mine was a much better plan. 

 

-l-

My father made me iron his clothes before he left. He was out at some meeting of pretentious civilians who thought themselves important; doctors, lawyers etc. They met to discuss the state of the city and all these disappearances and certain murders… eeep, warranted an ‘emergency summit.’ As annoying and pompous as it was it did mean I had the house to myself Thursday night and Friday through to Sunday. So… Win. 

The idea of going to Carmilla’s was intimidating. She was intimidating. Every time I tried to act a little suave or worldly it went right out of the window and my inner dorkiness flowed free. Couldn’t help it but ahhh.

Finishing off the shirts and completely finished with the ironing I could finally have some time to myself. Was very nervous about spending time alone with Carmilla. She scared me a bit. Still thought it was an act. Being too cool for school… Is a phrase which wasn’t cool before I was born… What was I thinking about? Oh right, so Carmilla must be putting on an amazing act. Not eating. Not cold in the weather. Being so amazingly attractive. No that. 

All the tabs on my laptop were opened to all the local news headlines about the recent occurrences. That and a google documents page which I’d typed up bullet points summarizing the events. 

Having been told to shut up and mind my manners and keep my nose out things by my father my whole life must have spurred something. Really wanted to know what was happening. Wanted to report on it. Write my opinions on things. Finally release the value on the curiousity! Not in a geeky way. Well maybe.

All the victims were young girls. Are young girls. Were. Hmmm. Well they’re young females, which isn’t good, being a young girl myself.

Apart from Betty Spielsdorf all the names I did not recognize. Could just be a serial killer. Just be. As if that was normal. The detective who was found torn apart in the wilderness that surrounded the city wasn’t a young girl… However, a detective, could have been finding the killer and paid the price.

Who knew.

Wait no me I want to know. That’s a terrible way to think. Without actually going out to the crime scenes it would be hard to find anything more. Maybe Carmilla would go with me… Two young girls walking around. That’s smart Laura! Still investigating murder scenes seemed like the sort of thing she would be into. 

Just going over the reports which had been published and amassing tidbits was all I could do at the moment. 

-

“Hey isn’t your dad away Laur?”

“Sure is.”

“Party at yours tonight?”

“Nope.”

“Get together?”

“Nope.”

“Why not?!” Danny was easily offended. Very much confused not getting her own way with people being mean to her. 

“I’m busy. Aren’t you?”

“No… Why would you think that?”

“No reason.”

“No why? Tell me now?” She demanded as loudly as one could in the school library.

“Thought you would be with Will…”

“No he said he’s busy tonight.”

“Oh.”

“Why would you think I’d be with him? Huh?”

“Don’t be so intense.”

“I’m not!” 

“Fiiiine you’re not.” She totally was. 

“What are you doing? Just studying and being dull? Come on have some fun. I’ll get Laf and Perry and Natalie and…”

“Nope. Busy.”

“Doing what?”

“Why does it matter?” Was getting a little frustrated now as the librarian shot us a dirty look.

“I’m interested. Are you seeing someone?”

“Yeah.”

“So you’re doing something with Will’s sister?”

“Yeah.”

“Just say that then!” Danny whined. “Will says she’s a bit.. You know?”

“I don’t.”

“Awful and when I was there she was rude to me.”

“She doesn’t say nice things about him.”

“Let’s not turn on each other because of them.”

“Was there a chance of that?”

“I’m just laying down some ground rules?”

“For my life?”

“Yes,” she continued unapologetically. “Their place is amazing. Like that’s where super successful young people live. Like Lawyers and Doctors and shit.”

“Cool.”

“It is, like super modern. They’re lucky their parents live in New York.”

“I thought London?”

“No definitely New York. Will told me they’re stock brokers there and rarely get away.”

That wasn’t right. Carmilla said they were in London, England. Maybe if they’re stock brokers they might have to travel… That could be it. 

“Well whatever it should be fun.”

“You should be careful around her.”

“Excuse me?”

“Well they’re both… A little dangerous I guess. There’s something secretive to them.”

“Yeah I know,” it was fascinating actually. Actually that was too clinically a term, more alluring. 

“So I’m not sure going out with her is a good idea…”

“You’re going out with Will…”

“We’re not going out,” Danny slightly panicked before recomposing herself. “It’s light and casual.”

“So you do just do it but he doesn’t have to spend time with you?” 

“Do it?! You’re such a dork Laur,” Danny smirked condescendingly despite the total dodge of my clever, pointed question which ought to have put her in her place. If only she didn’t use the high school peer pressure of not wanting to seem dorky to maintain the upper hand. “But I can handle something like that I know what I’m doing, you’re all naive and easy to take advantage of.”

“I am not,” couldn’t haven’t sounded more like a child. 

“Just telling you. Maybe you should cancel and have your friends over.”

“Maybe I won’t.”

“Maybe you won’t?”

“I won’t nope, no sir.”

“Hmmm, well it’s a poor decision Laur, I gotta go.”

“I thought we were studying?” I replied in another childish voice. She shrugged and shouldered her bag and left me alone… Hmmm, she left because I didn’t do what she wanted. 

“I wouldn’t look so sad if that lumbering idiot walked away from me.”

Literally squeaked in surprise. Embarrassing on its own but even more so with the accompanying shush from the librarian and snickers from other students. Well wish that didn’t happen. Drat. 

“Were you stalking me?” 

“No…” Carmilla was already picking at her nails, inspecting them nonchalantly in the seat next to me. Did not hear her approach or move the chair. “Just thought I would catch up on my studies.”

“Really?” I asked excitedly.

“No…”

“Should have really seen that coming,” she just hummed in agreement. “So I don’t know what DVDs to bring to yours… Been giving it some thought but I think you’d shit on everything… Even if you were sneakily enjoying it.”

“I would yes.”

“Riiiight. So that brings up the dilemma of picking something I want to watch irregardless of you…”

“Irregardless?”

“Uh-huh,” continue unabashed! “Buuuut if you shit all over something I love that might ruin it… Though if I pick just something I think you might enjoy even though you definitely won’t then…”

“You talk a loooot,” Carmilla drawled not looking up just switching hands to inspect. 

“I do yeah, so where was I… DVDs… Oh right so if it’s something like that then if you shit on it then it might… Wait… Oh you made me lose my point!” I slapped the back of the hand she was looking at instead of me. Dropping her hand she lazily looked up at me with a raised eyebrow. “My point. I lost it!”

She almost smiled, almost. 

“I saw that,” I pointed to her mouth.

“Don’t point at my face.”

“Yeah sorry that was rude… Erm, so, er, hey.”

“Hey,” she laughed only slightly through her nose but I caught it. 

-

It doesn’t matter he’s going. Must have said that to myself at least a hundred times as my dad’s folded up belt came down over the back of my thighs over and over again. Apparently his shirts weren’t ironed correctly and the crease in his pants weren’t done correctly. Thought it was a good job. He’s just getting in a couple days worth of sadism in before leaving me alone.

He told me no guys could come over, only one girl. Which was fine. I wasn’t going to tell him what I was doing. Especially not in detail or off I would be going to a ‘pray away the gay’ camp. 

Tried to ask him about what was happening with his meeting and these murders and all that. He told me not to worry and do my homework. 

What was I expecting. 

Didn’t really know how to dress for Carmilla… If we just hanging out… Hope she didn’t expect too much of me… Ahhhh. It is all scary! Not that I hadn’t thought about pulling off her tight pants but it all fell under the scary umbrella. Scarier than potential murder. That really is a good example of how high school messes your mind up. 

Just try to go with the flow…

Almost made myself laugh at that. As if I could. As if I could… Almost laughed, almost depressed. Well a little depressed from aching pain in my legs. Ouchy. Was crying too, but hey cried a lot so what difference does that make.

Still had all of Friday and Saturday night! 

-

The Friday started off good. Seeing that old leather suitcase from a generation ago seated in the hall by the door meant freedom no matter how temporary. 

That good mood evaporated the moment I sat at the front of the bus and something hit the back of my head… Of course. Just had to ride out the trip to school and find Carmilla. People didn’t mess with her, in a short time she and her brother had garnered an intimidating reputation… But she liked me! Yay. 

More things were thrown. Luckily being small managed to avoid most. 

It didn’t make sense I was being punished for my dad being a hardass. Would much rather sit in a classroom for fifty minutes after school than take another beating. Still no one knew about that and wouldn’t. Definitely should go to college in California or Japan or… Did Mongolia have a good liberal arts program? 

Even that would probably piss off daddy and his Republican kliq.

“You better run Hollis,” someone yelled after me as I fled the bus. 

-

Barely saw Carmilla and managed to land myself a detention for not paying attention in class. It was like the week was becoming sentient and trying to put up hurdles and roadblocks before I got to what I wanted to do.

The looks in detention weren’t nice either. 

If I’m here too how can I be to blame?!?!

Huh?!

If I start to look for fairness in the high school ecosystem then craziness would certainly come soon after. A horrible pecking order based on things you could hardly help but if anyone pointed this out you just knocked yourself even further down the pecking order. 

Trudging out into the cold snow I’d miss the bus. Had to walk to a bus stop almost a mile away, wait for the bus aaaaand… More drudgery. 

Despite waiting for the bus my fellow detentionees? Detentioners? Well whatever they got there before the bus which was just brilliant. Not good at sarcasm. It wasn’t brilliant. 

“Tried to run away again Hollis?” A guy from the football came up to me, all up in my personal space. Towering over me. The girls with him surrounded me to. Yuck.

“I just want to get home.”

“Yeah so did we you sarcastic little bitch,” one of the girls spat at me.

“I was in detention too!”

“Still your dad’s fault, he’s such a fucking asshole.”

“Hey!” He kinda was but still he’s my father. My effing a-hole of a father. 

The bus pulled up but I didn’t get on it. One of the girls had moved behind me to stick out their leg behind mine and the one in my face shoved and crash ow snow ground badness.

Picking myself out of the snow watching the bus pull away wanted to cry quite a lot. Forty-five minute wait or three mile walk…

Buzz. My phone. Probably my dad saying he wasn’t going anywhere and that he bought a new belt made out of metal spikes and… evil. Not too inventive but trying not to openly weep outside was taking up a lot of energy.

C(you ok?)

L(No! x)

C(i’ve sent Will to pick you up from the bus stop)

That was great! Wait what? The bus stop. Pick me… The hell? How did she know I was here? Or that I’d missed the bus… Ohhhh, she knew I was in detention and means the bus stop at school…

L(I’m not by school x) 

The text message disappeared the second Will’s muscle car pulled up at my exact location and he was out of the driver side before I could recognize what had happened pulling me up from the snow as if I was as light as the snow itself. Wow he was strong. 

“You alright kid?”

“Uh huh… Aren’t you younger than me?”

“No,” he laughed, brushing the snow from my shoulders. “Come on. Where you going?”

“Home please.”

“Not my place?”

“Later… I need to go home and cry first… Joking, I’m joking,” just added that very quickly. Despite maybe having a nugget of truth to it. 

“I would cry too having to spend too much time with my sister.”

That was nice of him, ignoring the situation he found me in. Definitely didn’t want to open up to Carmilla’s brother about my bad day… The music on radio wasn’t what I expected. It was like that jazz and big band stuff from the forties, like you’d see in film about Prohibition or the Great Gatsby. Didn’t know what I would have expected but not that… Also didn’t tell Will where I lived but he was driving that way. 

“What you doing tonight?”

“Going out. Leaving you two alone. Poor you.”

“Don’t like your sister?”

“In a way we’re a very close family, but in other stronger ways we all don’t like each other.”

“That mustn't erm…” Really didn’t have anything to say to that. He wasn’t going to elaborate further, could sense that, but had no idea… “Sorry.”

“Nah don’t be. Everything comes with positive and negatives.”

“Do you all talk cryptically?”

Will laughed and nodded without turning to see if I was looking at him. 

“Have fun tonight, don’t let her bully you,” we pulled softly to a halt outside my house. 

“She doesn’t…”

“Lucky you.”

“Thanks for the lift Will. I really appreciate it.”

“Don’t worry about it. I feel bad for you.”

“Because…”

“Carmilla…”

“Oh right,” thought he meant all the horrible stuff. “Well thanks again.”

“Don’t worry about I have nothing but time,” he winked as I closed the passenger door and drove away into the night. Well late afternoon but felt like night. 

=c=

Could see here through the little screen by the buzzer on the door. It was amazing really. Humans have surpassed me and my abilities all in one quick rush over the last few years. 

“Hello?” Picked up the phone lazily. 

“Hey! It’s me… Laura!” She beamed up into the camera. Was going to fuck with her a bit but couldn’t bring myself to do it. 

“307.”

Let her in and watched her disappear into the lobby of the building and cracked the door open. Surveying the room I really hadn’t done anything to prepare… Will was a neat freak and cleaned everything, everyday like a maid. The litany of sugary shit was thrown over the island counter in the kitchen, overplan to the living room. 

I did consider sitting on the couch with my back to the door like I did when that girl what was her name? Ell! That was it. When she came over. Decided against it though, I didn’t want to create that distance with her. For whatever reason.

Great, now I’m awkward. Standing by the kitchen counter leaning on it was almost a parody of itself. 335. 335! Awkward! Fuck.

“Hey!” Laura opened the door into the dark apartment. “It’s dark in here.”

“Yeah, like it dark.”

“I don’t,” she shook her head across the room and flicked on the lights. The halogen bulbs hurt my eyes momentarily. Eugh. Hate that. 

“Too much cutie.”

“Mood lighting?” She asked experimenting with the combinations of lights.

 

“What mood are you trying to set?” I purred at her, enjoying her squirm a bit under my gaze, her eyes darting to each side before back to me and cracking a wide smile. It was the perfect counter for me. Just a heart melting warming smile. I walked over to her, and took her arm with one hand and slammed the door loudly behind her. “I got the sort of shit food you like.”

“Thanks!” she rushed to the kitchen and started examining all the treats. Maybe overbuying wasn’t a good idea. What if she overate and had a food coma? Dammit. Throwing her dorky little satchel onto the surface she had somehow already managed to unpackage and start eating one of the cookies… How had I missed that? She must have moved at a speed even I couldn’t see. “I have a lot of DVDs,” she mumbled through a mouthful of crumbs.

“You pick.”

=

“That’s stupid if she knocked him down with the golf club why not beat him to death?!” I cried at the screen. Maybe I was secretly enjoying this. Was expecting dancing singing cartoon bears, not a violent slasher. 

“‘Cause she’s scared!”

“No this is retarded if she fucking is running away from erm, what’s his name?”

“Mike Myers.”

“Mike Myers is chasing… Wait Mike?”

“Well Michael Myers but I call him Mike.”

“Idiot, anyway I didn’t peg you for the horror movie type, but if he’s a human killer, just a brute, when he’s down it makes sense to bash his stupid face in. With his strange homeless clown mask,” I concluded logically unravelling the film. 

“It’s a William Shatner mask.”

“Who?” 

“You’re kidding?!” She put down the soda can and half a cookie on the coffee table and made a dramatic point of sitting her legs up onto the couch to turn to me. “Stark Trek?! You know… William Shatner. William. Shatner.”

“Just saying his name doesn’t tell me anything.”

“Google him on your phone,” she basically ordered me. 

“Don’t know how.”

“Well… Look he’s like a pop culture icon he’s referencing in loads of…”

“Shhh, shhh, shhh,” I quieted her down and throw my arm over her shoulder and pulled her into the crook of my shoulder. Laying back on the armrest I was able to hold her resting in my side, wrapped under my arm. She rolled her shoulders like she was getting comfy in the cutest way possible and snuggled up to me.

Watching people getting slashed by a faceless killer was fine with me, seemed an odd choice for a girl who fitted the victim description of the current serial killer on the loose. Was a poor storyline, which didn’t ask any questions of its audience. The brutality was fun though so hey. 

I let my thumb run over her elbow very slowly and lightly in intervals to begin with. Barely touching her but it made her shift each side of her back in turn further into me. As the touches began to be more regular and turned into strokes of her skin I could feel the light electric tingle which made her shudder, in a way which would be imperceptible to a human. 

I slipped my hand under her arm and past her body to rest on top of her hand. Running my fingers up to the knuckles of hers and just in between her fingers before sweeping them back to her wrist. Repeating this over and over, absorbing the shivers and tremors her body barely made into my being. 

Finally she caught my fingers between hers as mine ran up to the fingertips, holding my hand on top of hers. Just realized I hadn’t paid attention to the movie for a long time. Could feel her breath hitch and truly shudder in a way anyone could notice, when with my free hand I pulled her honey hair back and tucking it neatly behind her ear. 

Still brushing my thumb over the side of our linked hands I used my other hand barely grazing the side of her cheek and down her jaw. Nudging her head slightly with my shoulder she raised her head.

Softly I place the lightest of kisses to her temple, then another an inch down. 

She shuffled up and around a bit, before shifting up so her chin was resting on my shoulder looking up with me with those deep, emotive brown eyes. Was I nervous? Huh. Lot of new feelings recently. All stemming from one dorky miniature blonde. 

Both moving together instinctively now our noses brushed back and forth and our heads tilted in unison and finally our lips met. Barely at first, just grazing each other. Could smell the sugar on her breath in between light, chaste kisses. 

“You don’t have a heartbeat,” she mumbled directly into my mouth her nose grazing mine again.

“Shhh, shhh,” I mumbled right back putting my hands on her shoulders and pressing her back up the couch and crawling up so I was over Laura, she was resting against the other armrest now. Had to pause for a moment. With her messed up hair lying over her face and the way she was biting her lip as she looked into my eyes and then down to my lips. Had to suppress a growl.

Surprising me she took my hand linked our fingers and pulled me down to her. Still everything was soft, slow, tender and sweet. Not normally my style but it felt right with her. Her lips were sugary and delicate, her lip gloss tasted of honey. I parted my own lips slightly and before long my hand was gripping her side and caressed my tongue inside of her mouth.

Couldn’t have her tongue in my mouth in case she felt my long canines. Especially if she nicked herself and bled. Then… Best not to think about then… 

Her hands hadn’t come to rest on me yet, but her heart was up to hummingbird speeds. She was in this just very shy, I can tell with my many unfair advantages. Though I didn’t have those eyes… She might not want touch me, I didn’t share that feeling. Moving her knees apart and one up onto the back of the couch the other the floor I was able to crawl between her legs as she slid down.

Lying on top of her, Laura’s hands at least came to rest very tentatively on my hips. She kept stopping my hands when they moved between her thighs. Whatever. Just kissing her and letting my hands roam over her was enough. For an age. A blissful age of just exploring her taste and body for the first time. A new experience in a life as long as mine was worth savoring. 

“Carm…” 

“Yeah,” I spoke into her mouth, not wanting to pull apart. 

“I need to… Erm… Shit…”

“You need a shit? I thought you would have the tact to be more subtle then just saying that and ruining the moment.”

“Oh my gosh no, no, no, no, no, no, I meant shit like as in oh shit, not ah woops, oh god I’m ruining things.”

“You’re not cutie,” I told her as I brushed her hair back into place, her face had gone red with humiliation. “Slow, think, speak.”

“I need something to drink, no more salvia.”

Laughing I let up and shifted to my original place. As she sipped some soda. 

“Can I get some water?”

“Go wild!”

The big killer was killing more horrendously awful teenagers in the movie. She really knew how to set the mood for me specifically didn’t she? The faucet creaked as she turned it on. Probably the first time it had been used. She rummaged around the kitchen area which was part of the living room a bit more.

“Your fridge is empty…”

“So?”

“It’s just odd, that faucet had never been used. How did Will know where I was by the way?”

“Does it matter?” 

“Well kind of… There’s loads of weird stuff about you. You’re deathly cold, I really liked kissing you by the way that was awesome… Probably shouldn’t have mentioned that, dammit Hollis,” she rambled. “Oh right, yeah Will knowing where I was?”

“I don’t know or care, forgot,” actually was getting a bit annoyed. Having a certain mood ruined. “You wish you walked home in the snow?”

“No…”

“So it doesn’t matter then does it?” 

“Well… no I guess not,” she sat down next to me. It was a bit awkward again. I raised my arm to offer my side as a place for her to rest and actually a bit relieved when she did snuggle happily into me. “Carm?”

“Yeah?”

“Hey.”

I laughed lightly, “hey.”

“Sorry I ruined everything.”

“It’s ok,” I soothed bringing to run my fingers through her hair.

“Wait I did?”

“Definitely.”

“Oh you shhh shhh shhh.”

“Trying to watch the movie cutie.”

“Humph.”

\---l---

Ok, so definitely a good night. A very good one. Really good. Oh wait that was a downgrade from really. Super good? In the plus column at any rate. I think the word for it was ‘swoon,’ never had felt like before… Wowzers. Kissing Carmilla. Wow. 

I got a taxi just after midnight, I mean I wasn’t going to sleep over… Tempted though I was. Far too intimidated for that… Besides not that kind of girl. T’was only the first date. T’was is fun. 

“Erm can you drop me here?” I asked the driver when the toll ticked up to 9.90. Only had a ten. Wasn’t too far from home so it didn’t matter. “Thank you.” 

It was both pleasant and horrible walking home after dark. In the middle of the city one would think one would be safe but you could never be too careful, especially at the moment. However, it was beautiful to see the snow sprinkled streets and houses in the orange glow of the street lights. 

As I got home and slid the key in the lock had to do the customary check behind me. Ok. Wait. Checking again at the corner… Swear I saw someone. Why am I waiting. Pushing the door open and slamming it behind me, sliding the deadlock in, quickly rushed to the window in the adjacent living room. There was definitely someone there.

Well not definitely but think so. What could did staring do… None, but couldn’t help it. No one could see in, don’t think so. Should maybe call the police… Grab a handgun… Do both?

What was that? Oh phone.

C(you home? x)

Hey an x ! No not the time. Not wanting to look away. Had to look down quickly again to call her. Looking back up definitely saw someone on the corner, across the sidewalk, road, sidewalk again. A dark figure looking at me, moving into the shadows and disappearing. 

“Hello cutie, miss me already?”

Almost gave me a heart attack, in the seconds it took to call her had forgotten that I’d called her. 

“Hello?”

“Hi, hi, yeah I just got back.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I saw someone in the street. Watching me.”

“Out of your taxi?”

“No I had to walk like 3 blocks. Can’t see them they moved around out of view but towards me!”

“I’m sure its fine cutie.”

“What if he followed me? What if its the murderer? What if AHHHHH,” I jumped as there was a knock at the door. “Oh fuck I’m going to die.” Could barely hold the phone in shaking hands. 

“Relax its me.” The phone went dead.

“How?” It didn’t matter who cared. She right when I was asking her about how Will knew where I was. Who cares? It doesn’t matter. What matters is she is here and he was and relief came as I ripped open the door to see Carmilla standing there checking her nails, looking down. “Oh thank god.”

“Can I come in?”

I nodded eagerly and turned to start turning on some lights and put my bag down. All the things I didn’t in my panic only to see Carmilla unmoved a thirty seconds later. I motioned for her to come as I went to the kitchen to get some water to help calm me a little more.

“What are you doing?” I asked returning to the atrium to see her still there.

“Looking to see if there is anyone down the street,” she said glancing left and right. “Looks clear,” she shot me a smirk as she flicked her head to side to move her hair from over her eyes. “So can I come in?”

“Yeah, yeah, thanks for coming,” I said as she crossed the threshold. 

“Damsel in distress, very boring,” she snarked. “Is your room full of teddy bears and rainbow… stuff. Stuff with rainbows on.” Carmilla started walking up the stairs.

“Why because I’m gay?” I hurried to keep up with her pace. 

“No, because you would like bright, sunny things like that… You smell like sunshine.”

“I smell like… You know what I don’t care right now.” Didn’t really have much of a plan. Everything had happened really quickly here. Was I obliged to have sex with her now? Guess so. Hmm. 

“This your room?” She asked stopping by a door, I nodded, she entered. “You know I didn’t want to come to your house, family stuff is all intense but hey we’re here now.” 

“Sure are. What if… Actually nevermind.” Was going ask what if the scary man who was DEFINITELY THERE and I’m not crazy came back but with Carmilla here that didn’t seem like a problem. 

“More conservative than I expected.”

“Really?”

“Uh huh,” she looked around taking in all my posters and knick-knacks. “Do you want me to turn my back when you change?”

“Change?”

“Into your sleeping stuff? Or do you sleep naked?” She purred.

“No, no I have pajamas.”

“Of course you do, well go ahead,” she turned her back her head moving around looking at everything. Quickly I changed. My hands were still shaking, noticeably. I slid under the sheets. She turned as I pulled the quilt over me and tugged off her leather jacket just dropping it and kicked off her shoes. Walking like a predator over to me, then around the bed and sliding in next to me wrapping a protective arm around me. “Go on sleep. I’ll keep the monsters away.”

“You will?” I yawned, eyes feeling heavy all of a sudden. 

“They’re all scared of me.”


	6. six: two steps back

6

She kicked and mewled a little in her sleep. She definitely wasn’t putting on her cute little ticks because she knew I liked them. She was just adorable. If she wasn’t probably wouldn’t have slept in her house. Tomorrow was going to be awkward. Either I had to leave before dawn, admittedly that was after 9, or avoid sunlight for the for the day and stay in here. Confined. 

There had been someone in the streets. Was sure of that. What was she thinking getting out of the taxi. Like a driver wouldn’t take her a couple more streets late at night for free. Unlikely some serial killing lunatic would break into a house. It was too much of risk. Unless it was his final kill. Four or five bodies; hardly an impressive rampage. Seen that done in an hour. 

Wasn’t tired a bit. 3.30 am flashed on her alarm clock. The clock was plastered with stickers because of course it was. This time of night was prime time for me, when I have the most energy. Her room wasn’t even dark. Her curtains were open facing the street the lamps threw an orange light in that anyone could see clearly no matter their eyesight. It was kind of nice; like artificial bronze moonlight. 

Being close to her in her room while she slept was more intimate to me than kissing her earlier. It was a sign of trust. It wasn’t a wise move to normally invite me into your house. Especially sleeping. Easy target. Not that she knew but still it was nice to be trusted, when it was such, in all honesty, such a stupid thing to do. 

Would it be funny to kill her anyway and leave Alaska?

No, I smoothed down her hair and she mewled again and rocked about, won’t kill her. 

Though thinking of killing will definitely kill whoever is killing people. Putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on me and my killing, which is just rude. Can’t stand rudeness. Well… Anyone else’s but mine. The thought of him actually getting close to Laura and hurting her made me very angry. Felt the gums around my canine teeth painfully expanding and the equally painfully scraping of my teeth into the bottom of my lip. My already heightened sense rushed like adrenaline to an even higher level.

Have to shake that off.

“Carm?” 

“Huh?” 

Laura yawned sleepily and shifted a bit in her sleep, turning out of our spooning position to looking up at the ceiling. 

“How long was I sleeping?” She asked finally rolling over to face me. I closed my eyes; so she couldn’t see the bright red ring in a sea of black it had become. My body was purposefully spiting me by not returning to normal.

“Couple hours.”

“You sleeping?” She asked softly bumping underneath my nose with the tip of hers. 

“Tryin’,” I muttered through thinly open lips. 

“Waah, don’t sleep now,” she nudged my nose again. 

“Why?”

“Cause I woke up! And you’re awake, and you like in my bed… First girl I’ve had here.”

“Congrats.”

“Thanks… Carm? Carm, Carmilla, Carm,” she kept going nudging my nose with hers. “Carm!” 

My body really was acting in spite of me and just returning to normal. “Stop it,” I muttered through clenched teeth and thin lips. 

“I will if talk to me!” She sang, rubbing her nose back and forth over mine.

“No.”

“Whyyyy. I think I’m pretty cool with all your weirdness and you won’t talk!”

“Weirdness?”

“Really? And stop giving me one word answers.”

“No.”

“What if I kiss you?”

“Confident,” I murmured as she kissed me and I had to withdraw and move my head back. 

“Whyyyyyy?”

Just grumbled back at her. 

“Don’t you like me anymore?” She asked in a heartbreakingly hurt voice. 

“I do.”

“Then?” Laura snuggled as tightly to me as possible, that didn’t help the whole keeping my feelings in check. Which I needed to return to normal. Or whatever was normal. Back to looking more human. “Caaaaarm, carm, carm, caaaarm,” she nudged my nose and kissed the tip and threw one leg lazily over the top of mine. 

“Stop.”

“Why? Why? Huh? Carm? Carm, caaarm, why?”

“Annoying.”

“Uh-huh, why?”

“Why what,” I mumbled desperately trying to hide my teeth. 

“Huh? Oh I forgot why I was whying… You’re clearly awake now though, so talk a bit.”

“No sleep.”

“Nuh-uh, talk,” she kept nudging.

“About?”

“Things, like erm, how did you get here so fast?”

“No.”

“I’ll keep asking if you don’t give me what I want,” she sang kissing me lightly on the lips again. “Like you just appeared, whoosh, and people can’t just whoosh and ah!” She squeaked as I kissed hard, quickly pushing her back momentarily before breaking apart quickly.

“Now. Sleep.”

“Nope.”

“Seriously?”

I just nodded knowing her eyes were on me, studying my features. 

“Not good enough,” Laura declared officially, “I almost got murdered early you know.”

“Nope.”

“Definitely, and then you whooshed in and and, and right, and,” she got all excited. “And you didn’t have a heartbeat… Do you?”

“Yes,” I lied, why now? Why did she have to start the awkward questions now. This always happened with the handful of humans I had gotten close to over the centuries. Never this early on. Especially when I couldn’t stop myself from looking different. It was easier to have to this talk without looking like a monster. It was my fault. I’m just lazy and can’t be bothered to take all the effort Will does to hide what I can do. I’m not sitting around for 20 minutes waiting to do something so when I can ‘whoosh,’ as Laura put it, it doesn’t seem like anything is abnormal. Far too much effort. It was risky and reckless sure. Just… Just I’m lazy deep down. 

Didn’t want to move away when she tried to grab my wrist and feel the pulse point.

“Nothing there!”

“You’re just a dunce.”

“I’m not, though sometimes when I’ve tried to check my own pulse I can’t find it… I’m going to get some chocolate milk then I’m going to keep asking annoying questions until you’re fun.”

“Badgering people to be fun never works.”

“I’m a fun badgererer, badger. A fun badger.”

I snorted a laugh and finally opened my eyes as she disappeared down the stairs. I finally felt my teeth slid equally painfully up, tearing the gums which then painfully re knitted themselves back together. Oh fuck it.

“Ah! What the hell!” Laura screeched as she turned the light on in the kitchen and found me standing by the fridge. “See! Whooshing.”

“Shouldn’t you be more scared?”

“Of you?”

“Of yo… What? Obviously me who else could I be talking about?”

“The serial killer duh?”

“Not the fact… Oh nevermind.”

“Oh you mean that you whooshed into the kitchen yeah, probably should be focusing on that more. Just… You know… Kind of… Don’t know what to say…”

I just stared at her with my arms crossed as she awkwardly shifted under my gaze for a moment before walking over to me and opening the fridge. 

“Do you want some chocolate milk?”

“Do you think I would want some chocolate milk cupcake?”

“No, but a good host always offers!”

“Fair enough,” I swallowed a smile. 

“So,” she pulled out the bottle and went to find a glass with me not moving. “Erm.”

“If you say whoosh again I’ll kilk you.”

“Kilk?”

“I was going to say kill but I thought it was inappropriate so I changed it to kick last second.”

She giggled in the most adorable way, even more adorable with a chocolate mustache, which she quickly wiped away when she saw my eyeline, her cheeks going red. 

“Well don’t do either. So…” She winched and scrunched up her face with thought.

“What is it?”

“I’m trying to workout very precise wording of a question.”

“Don’t say what are you or I’ll throw that chocolate milk at you.”

“Ok well… You what are? Like Yoda!”

“A dunce.”

“Nooope. That’s a reference Stephen Hawking would get. And you’re distracting me from my probing questions.”

“You’re doing that.”

“Right, yeah that’s true too,” she conceded, going to stand by the kitchen table and worrying the back of one of the chairs before shaking her head. “Too impersonal.” She wandered off into her living room and sat down on the big comfy leather sofa only using the light thrown around the dark house from the kitchen. 

“Personal enough for you,” I asked sitting down next to her, surprised when she threw her legs over mine. “And confident tonight too.”

“I feel comfortable around you… Especially alone. I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t, but I do.”

“Not scared of me?”

“Do I need to be?” She didn’t sound worried more curious. It was weird, never had experienced someone react like this.

“No,” I shook my head. 

“Then I’m not scared of you… Though that does suggest if someone was scared of you they really should be.”

“Journalist huh?”

“Yup.”

“Like a child wearing a plastic stethoscope and pretending to be a doctor?”

“No! Not like that. So… If someone should be scared of you that means you’re scary. The question is why though.”

“Is it?”

“Isn’t it? Then what is?”

“Oh I was just continuing the conversation didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Riiiight, so I’m really struggling here. Can’t you just reveal all and say yes I’m a witch and can appear and reappear.”

“A witch?”

“Not like the Harry Potter universe witch like… erm a different kind. Though can apparate.”

“Well put.”

“So not a witch.”

“Witches don’t exist.”

“Don’t say it like that!” She whined kicking me lightly with her heel. 

“Like what?”

“As if it’s a stupid question. It isn’t stupid, you clearly teleported. You were in one place and then you reappeared in another so don’t act like witchcraft is beyond belief.”

“I didn’t teleport.”

“So you moved really, really fast. Are you the Flash?” 

“One more question.”

“Huh?!”

“You get one more question.”

“You can’t make up the rules half way through.”

“I can and am. Besides this is our third date cutie and you know what happens on the third date?”

“Eep? It isn’t the third date though is it?”

“Third question,” I drawled pushing her legs aside and crawling up onto the sofa and leaning over her, face to face my hair spilling over her. The jet black melding into the honey. “Ice cream parlor,” I kissed lightly on her neck under her jaw. “Last night at mine.” Another kiss on her cheek, “now here,” a light kiss on her lips.

“This doesn’t count!”

“I came through the snow and sleet to save you from definite murder and you want to pester me.”

“That’s true,” she kissed me back. 

“So who cares?”

“Caring less and less,” she mumbled shyly between kisses. “Thanks for coming to help me.”

I broke away from her and looked down at Laura’s smiley, cute, awkward face peering up at me. She blinked a couple times and clenched her jaw before a yawn finally slipped out.

“Am I boring you cupcake? I’ve never had that reaction.”

“I’m sleepy!”

“You wanted to talk and wake me up.”

“Suppose so… However… Ah,” she squeaked again as she found herself falling into her bed back upstairs. “Oh hello bed.”

“Hello bed?”

“I really don’t want to say what I want to say.”

“But I get the impending sense of dread that you’re going to.”

“Nah, I’m sleepy again.”

“Then sleep for fucks sake.”

 

\---l---

Carmilla was actually sleeping when my eyes opened. I think she was. Just lying there looking like she was dead. Would have been concerned if it wasn’t for all the weirdness. My room was dark, it was never dark! Carmilla had closed the drapes. I went to open them and then paused. Maybe I shouldn’t if she purposefully closed them. 

Why wasn’t I scared? Really should be.

She could appear and disappear like… Well magic, though apparently it wasn’t. Our early hours talk didn’t seem connected to the rest of life. It wasn’t really part of anything… Did I dream it? I’d had lucid but ridiculous dreams before. Like the one when the toaster was firing toast at me, trying to burn me with flying pieces of warm bread. Didn’t have toast for a month after that and I still was a bit cautious around the thing. Though it wasn’t like that was it. 

The word which floated around my head was so silly. 

Silly yes, but it made sense. She didn’t eat, didn’t breathe, could move so fast. Picked me up and dropped me in bed without any problems. It didn’t make sense. 

There was something non-human sleeping in my childhood bedroom surrounded by my stuffed toys. But it wasn’t something, it was Carmilla, the girl (???) I have a massive crush on and had my first kiss with… Then my second. Which was super exciting! Made me all giddy and my stomach twist up in knots. So yeah, may have had the wrong priorities. 

Did I dream it? That could have happened. Couldn’t it? Like the toast incident. Just repress it for now. Always smart to repress bad thoughts and just live with them gnawing away at your sanity in the background of everyday life.

There wasn’t any food in the fridge… That was considerate of my father, to do no shopping.

I went back up to my room; Carmilla was still there, in her dark slumber. Slumber, not sleep. Holding a hand under her nose couldn’t feel any breath… Oh whatever.

Getting changed quickly, constantly glancing over at her, making sure she didn’t wake and see me putting on my bra. Grabbing some cash and rushing out the house for the shops almost tripped down the stairs. 

Got pop tarts… ‘Cause… Hey screw you don’t judge me. 

I can’t whistle but I gave it my darndest try anyway. Was in a really good mood. Had my first kiss! The strangeness forgotten or repressed, whatever, in lieu of happier thoughts. Couldn’t let Carmilla know that… Cause need to seem like… Well maybe not cool but not as big of a dork as I might be. That good mood was replaced with sickness and panic when I got back home and slid the key in the front door.

There was a note pinned to it.

Ripping it off and checking over my shoulder I rushed in and locked the door behind me. Just dropped my groceries on the floor and ran upstairs. Carmilla was where I left her, hadn’t moved a muscle. Felt safer immediately knowing she was in the vicinity. Like she told me when I first went to sleep all the other monsters were scared of her. 

Didn’t even realize how my fingers were trembling. Badly, to the point where it was hard to undo the fold in the paper. It was just a lined note pad paper torn from a booklet. Scrawled in charcoal. 

yoU re pErfEct

Ok… Ok… So… Ok… Bad… 

“Carm?!”

Nothing, couldn’t stop staring at the disturbing note I held. So when did this happen? Carmilla was here all night. They even woke up and talked for like twenty minutes.

“Carm!”

Nothing, the lack of a specific threat or direction made it more bleak and unsettling somehow. Just a statement which was ambiguous. Perfect as in perfect. Or perfect as in perfect for something? Ah. No. Was that worse.

I went over to her and nudged her over and over and over. Nudges turned into shoves and shakes.

“Stop it,” she groaned. I’d never heard her like this, just out of energy. Completely drained. “I need to rest for a little longer. I haven’t slept in over a fortnight.” Her voice was just dead and lifeless. If I wasn’t you know… Kind of fearing for my life, I would leave her to deathly slumber.

“I need you to wake up.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes! I’ll open the curtains.”

“Don’t!” She sat up quickly. “Don’t do that. I don’t like the sun.”

“Well look, look…” I handed her the note.

“It’s a weird way to pay me a compliment but I understand you’re a little socially awkward.”

“It was pinned to the front door.”

“Really? So you’re not bringing me weird love letters? That’s disappointing,” she examined it again and strangely went to smell the paper. 

“So I was definitely going to get murdered right?”

“Probably yeah. When night falls I’ll go deal with this. Now let me sleep.”

“Deal with… Sleep really? What if he comes and kills me all dead when you’re snoozing!” I frantically waved my arms like a mad albatross. 

“What do you want me to do?”

“Go with me to the police station!”

“Really?” She sighed, rubbing her face, looking exhausted. “The police are investigating whatever is happening, they haven’t found shit. In a city with 50,000 people that’s impressive incompetence.”

“Still have to report it?”

“You have to choose, my help or theirs,” she slurred, blinking slowly trying to keep her eyes open. 

“Now who’s confident?”

“It isn’t confidence. Now can I sleep. When I sleep I need to sleep.”

“I thought you were sleeping last night when I woke you up…”

“Lied now shush.”

-

“Laura, wait a second,” she grabbed my arm as I was about to pull open the front door. “Maybe you should stay here.”

“No way jose.”

“Suit yourself.”

She just walked forward and without any prompting she knew where to go it seemed. Part of my brain started to work which hadn’t up until now… What the hell was I doing? This is ridiculous. I was walking with someone who… Who was something I couldn’t understand. Something to be scared off. This was wrong…

“Where we going?” I asked trying to seem natural rather than letting reality slip into this dream and panicking a bit. 

“This way,” she said nonchalantly. 

Then what? Was she going to… Maybe should have stayed home… Though that was a little terrifying. Just a little. Very. All of this was terrifying. Swear I was having an amazing, movie, makeout session last night. Now trawling for creepy note writers. 

Not being the biggest city it didn’t take long to get to the industrial area. There were several empty factories and mills littered between the active ones. Quite a sad area really. Was she going to? Oh of course. She was. Just add breaking and entering to trespassing I thought as the chain link fence was torn open at a ripped up bottom corner. 

She bent down low and extremely gracefully through the gap. Like a black cat slipping through a space seemingly far too small with an impossible elegance. My entrance was a little less graceful. Don’t think that it deserved being labelled as ‘spazzy,’ but did trip and scramble a little but still. 

“Are you kidding me?” I finally had to pipe up as she slid one of the huge metal locks out of its rusted fitting of the sliding doors. Big sliding Texas Chainsaw Massacre doors. Two teenage girls are going into the serial killer’s lair. Would a court convict a killer for killing two people who came and screamed ‘hey please kill me hey please oh me me me kill me.’ Well yes obviously but a lot of people would think we deserved the murdering we were skipping towards gleefully. 

Seemed to have gone crazy. 

She opened the door wide enough for us to just about get in. A sliver of light to designate the exit. It was horror through and through, the sliver of light which would definitely close behind me sealing me in my grisly tomb. I scooted closer to Carmilla. 

“We can’t go into there.”

“Told you to stay at home,” she murmured staring off into the dark. “No one is here.”

“You sure?” I asked in what I hoped was a brave voice. Probably wasn’t. 

“No.”

“Then why are we going in?”

“Charcoal,” she shrugged pacing ahead into the pure blackness. I opened the flashlight on my phone and followed. Did factories become sentient when abandoned and grow their own pools of ominous dark water and broken pipes and chains and broken glass littered around? Spooky themselves up. 

The dripping water and the scurrying of rats and mice combined with the clip clop of our footsteps should lead right into the piano score from Halloween. Then stab, stab, stab blood loss badness. 

“Found your serial killer,” Carmilla called from a dark corner of a room she had dragged us into to. There were a couple clicks and the orange sun burst of a paraffin lamp brought the room to life. It was still creepy but not quite so much. There were empty beer cans and cigarette butts tossed up in a pile in the corner. Two old sofas and chairs had been dragged in here. 

“He lives here?” my voice trembled as it came out. 

“No, of course not,” she snorted with derisive laughter. “It’s some idiots from school trying to fuck with you,” she kicked at the rubbish. “Look it’s all cheap beer and a weird variety of wines and liquor, meaning they stole it from their parents. Pot, cigarettes. Nothing but teenagers. It’s obviously some stupid hangout place. I wonder how many drunken virginities were stolen on that manky piece of shit couch?”

“Who the hell would think writing some creepy note would be funny when there is a legit killer in these parts?!” I whimpered. Fear being replaced with anger and still a bit of fear from the whole being in a massive empty factory after dark. 

“Loads of teenagers,” she laughed again, finding this all very funny. “Fucking with the less popular is a crucial part of being cool. The crueller the funnier.”

That was the case in Carrie, so she did have a point. 

“Are you cool?”

“No, I’m not connected to the social ladder which you occupy the bottom rung of.”

“The bottom rung?! I must be at least middle.”

“Maybe,” she smirked pulling my scarf off my neck and using it to pick up a lump of charcoal from the empty furnace. Presumably where the creepy note writer got their makeshift pen. She cocked her head side to side thinking. “Got it.” She scratched a message on top of the fan of the paraffin lamp. “Wanna go?”

“YES!”

-

“What did you write?” I had to ask finally after a long silent walk back to the city. Really had nothing to say. Was a bit scared of her. The fear outweighing the attraction… Slightly. Well… Currently. The stuff I saw her do, the impossible stuff. Didn’t seem like it had happened. Like I’d dreamed it but I hadn’t. Had I? No definitely not. 

“This is my darkness.”

“Why?”

“Seemed serial killery,” she replied bored, “the next time some high or drunk idiot reads that he’ll think this killer visited their underage drinking hangout and freak out.”

“Two wrongs don’t make a right.”

“No but they do make things fucking funny.”

“None of this is funny,” I shivered. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Seriously?!” I stopped in the street. “You don’t know?”

“Not really?” She stopped and rolled around in front of me, shrugging with an infuriatingly unperturbed attitude. 

“I… I need to go home.”

“I’ll walk you.”

“I kinda… Don’t know,” great I was floundering. “Need to be alone.”

“You sure that’s best?”

“No… Probably not, so… yeah, can you like walk me home then need alone Laura time.” Just a car wreck of a sentence attempt. 10 car pile up worth. 

“Right. Sure,” she frowned at me, making brief eye contact before I had to look away. 

At my front door she lingered for a moment. It was the first time I’d seen her awkward. I leaned in and hugged her and kissed her really quickly, just on the cheek. 

“Look I’ll text you,” I mumbled.

“Sure,” she turned abruptly and walked off. 

Throwing my keys down and just sitting at the kitchen table for a while I had no idea how much time passed. What had just happened. Remember the kissing and horror movie and date stuff at her’s. Then things got a bit blurry. Now awkward and my fault. Eugh. Though at least there were no serial killers after me. Yet.


	7. seven: the day is my enemy

7

The bone was showing through my knuckles, but I still punched the boulder I’d found in the wilderness further until it was just dust and cracked pieces. Holding my hand up I examined the damage. It was healing already, the white of the bone covered with red then white of my skin coming back. Was just frustrated. Swear I was making out with that maddeningly annoying/maddening adorable girl one moment and next she was all tense and weird around me. 

It did sting a bit. I didn’t reveal what I was to her but I did reveal that I was… More than…

Oh fuck. One last punch into the wall of the cliff face I had found. Still felt pain. A lot of it. Despite all the healing and being almost impossible to kill benefits of being me the pain was just as bad as when I was alive.

Was also quite annoyed I was annoyed in the first place. I tried to keep my caring to a minimum. However. Did care. 

I turned from the cliff face which I had jumped up to, so I could reflect and introspect and all that. Well get furious and take it out physically on an inanimate object. Like a teenager. Guess I’m fitting into my role better than I even intended to. Even checked my phone over and over to see if she’d texted me. Pretty dire considering it was 4.40 am. She would be sleeping, mewling and fidgeting around in her bed. That thought made me smile briefly. Before feeling bad immediately after.

The lights of Anchorage stretched out in front of me, a couple miles away, it was probably time to return. Rather than just mope around. 

I took a step off the cliff and moments later I was opening the front door of my apartment. Will was sitting on the couch watching something on television.

“Hey sis,” he called over his shoulder.

“What you watching?”

“Nothing, I’m playing computer games.”

“Comp… Whatever. Do you have anything to drink?”

“Yup.”

“Give me one.”

“Say please,” he sang still not turning his back. The screen on closer inspection was a gun moving, was he controlling the rifle? Actually who gave a fuck. 

“Will.”

“Fine,” he got up and disappeared into his room and reappeared back handing a medical blood pack to me. “You’re welcome.” Taking his seat back in front of the television. “Have you caught your killer?” 

“No.”

“Oh, just thought you would, after being out all night and day and most of tonight too…”

“Does no mean something different to you?”

“No, just wondering what you were up to.”

“With someone.”

“I think I can guess who… I mean I even picked her up for you. So get your way? Going to score another notch on your bedpost?”

“No… Not yet.”

“Really?!” Will burst out laughing. “That’s so cute, you’re actually going after her cause you like her right? Right?”

I can move quicker than him, so I did, and I broke that stupid plastic pad he was controlling his game with in half before he could react. 

“I bought a lot of these things,” Will pulled another from a box. “I suspected your temper tantrums might claim a few of my physical possessions.” I really considered breaking the second, but it did seem petty… Actually. Crack. Ha! Take that not being petty. “Seriously?”

“You bought a lot…”

“I was lying I got two!” He whined. “How am I supposed to be a teenage boy if I can’t play fucking computer games! I want to play,” he whined some more.

““Why? Don’t you miss it Will?”

“What?”

“The violence? The fear in the person’s blood as it rushes and surges… Being a predator.”

“Oh that,” he turned off the television and walked off onto the balcony. “Well yeah, of fucking course I fucking do! It’s our nature. Death and blood. Violence and blood. Power and blood. Blood and blood. Fucking blood and more fuckin’ blood.”

“Precisely!” I joined him on the balcony overlooking the affluent area in which we lived. Well, affluent for Anchorage. 

“You know I do. You don’t need to ask. It’s our nature. It would be like asking one of those hippy humans who go on hunger strikes for the ‘greater good,’ if they miss food.”

I just stared at him. I really couldn’t think of a comeback for that. He was right. 

“Our greater good is staying alive.”

“Alive?”

“Well, whatever we are.”

“I sense something judgmental in that.”

“There is. We’re on the run and the first day here you just flat out murder a girl. Betty was it?”

“I can’t remember,” I shrugged. I couldn’t wasn’t even lying for the sake of annoying him. “It wasn’t murder if its for food.”

“Well whatever, and then you definitely did murder the police investigator. Tearing his limbs off and throwing him off a cliff isn’t for food.”

“I might have gone back and eaten.”

“Did you?”

“No.”

“Maybe 335 is long to live enough for you, but there are humans older than me. I want more time. Don’t throw away my life too with recklessness.”

“Those humans are broken, bald, toothless and near death’s door,” I ignored his second comment and his first. Just focused on the middle one which didn’t make me seem like an asshole. 

“If you draw attention to us we die,” Will shrugged. “That fucking serial killer did us the biggest favor you can imagine.”

“So nothing to worry about or I can continue with a fun murder spree ‘cause I’m recieving cover?”

“Hmm… Just be content with that annoying little girl and pretending to be normal.”

“She’s not annoying.”

“No?” He cocked an eyebrow at me. “How cute.”

“I’ll throw you off this balcony.”

“Well do it or don’t I’m going to bed.”

“Bed?! You’re so lame.”

“I certainly am. Goodnight dear sister have sweet dreams,” he winked.

“Go fuck yourself fucking fuck stick.”

“Fuck stick?! See you’re behaving like a grumpy teenager already,” Will smirked. He clearly thought about elbowing me in the ribs playfully but decided against it.

Staring out over the balcony at the city all the energy and anger which normally defined me slipped away.

The resentful rage of repressed reflexes vaporizing through my pores unable to reside inside much more, ripping out the regular prickle of bitterness; a result of my protracted and prolonged life. The realization that I could no longer retain and then renew the umbrage I grasped for centuries as my nutrition. It was momentarily obsolete. 

The swirling smoke of the foundries and forges swelled over the bay, reflecting softly in the reservoir. I stared, my mind meandering into more mild regions. A passive sadness of reflection washed over me.

Had I fucked things up with Laura. Nevermind whether I should care or not, if I was too cool to give a shit. Fuck that pretentious bullshit. I did give a shit. I liked the annoying little blonde. I had to be honest inside my own head as I’m a liar everywhere else. Yet I had to act like an idiot. I had to… ‘whoosh,’ the word made me smile momentarily, around. Had to show I was something more than I appeared to be. That I was of the darkness. Why would a cute, happy girl like her want a monster?!

Toying with my phone I decided against texting her. A rushed text in panic might seem overly aggressive and if I had pushed her away from like a rowboat set adrift in the Anchorage Sound the last thing I should do is add a strong wind behind our distance. To set her off permanently.

Fuck. Need a cigarette. Can’t feel the smoke in my dead lungs, but the sensation and ritual was calming. Searching in my pockets I couldn’t them; FUCK. What the fuck is this place doing to me?! 

The rage came back. 

Hopping over the balcony, I hit the sidewalk with one foot and was already pacing forward with the other when it hit. Stalking out my anger for the second time in one night. The nightclubs were close to our apartment. The trendy sector all wrapped up in one gaudy, unpleasant corner of a bleak, unpleasant city. 

Finding a smoker I walked right up to him, he was drunk and smiled broadly seeing me. Like most guys who thought I might be interested did. Like most guys who saw me did. 

“Hey ba…”

“Shut up. Give me a cigarette.”

“Hey, relax darlin…”

“Shut up. I’ve changed my mind, give me the pack and your lighter.”

“No fuck you bitch!”

I grabbed him by the throat and to anyone who saw us, which was no one, they would have seen two people disappear. Down a dark, dark alley still holding him up by the throat pushed again the wall, if someone were watching, they would see us rematerialize. 

“You should have just given me one asshole,” I snarled. He couldn’t talk, my hand was cutting off the oxygen needed to reply. That pain, that pain that happened a thousand times before and never got better shot through my mouth as my canines grow longer and wider to a needle point. 

It felt too intimate to bite his neck all of a sudden. Don’t know where that came from.

The blood was rushing and coursing, that amazing smell, I could feel the molecules pulsing individually through his veins, and overcome I bit down hard into his wrist, held up limply with my free hand. Sated I let him drop. Rifling through his pockets I found my desired bounty. 

The cigarette was lit as I landed back on my balcony seconds later and I returned to sombre brooding. 

=

She didn’t need me. She was a nice girl and what was I doing for her? Bringing her into my world of death. I am death. I am dead. She was the definition of life wasn’t she? Bubbly and sweet and happy despite all the nastiness she’d endured. It was selfish. I was being selfish. 

If she fell for me… What then. We couldn’t be together forever. She would age and grow and mature and have a life. I can’t offer anything past that. Well I could offer something, but that was unthinkable and I promised myself I’d never ever subject anyone else to this life.

I was a good girl growing up. Sweet and polite. Now I’m a killer who steals others lives to maintain my own. Never creating only destroying. I can’t even remember what my real mother and father looked like. The dust would have left their bones and I’m here unchanged on the outside and twisted in gnarled knots on the inside. 

FUCK!

What had this place done to me? 

\---l---

Had cried a lot. A lot a lot. Like a lot. Loads. You get the point. Can’t remember feeling tired but waking up late on Sunday morning with sore eyes I must have passed out eventually. What the hell.

Nothing that happened the night before seemed to have actually happened. It was a memory of a film or a lucid dream. A nightmare. A… Something. The words didn’t come. Ahhh gosh darn it. The panic started to set in. My heart started to beat little uncomfortably. The speed increasing until it was a worrying hum of unease making me sick. My inner thighs started aching with a nervous energy and a bead of sweat ran down my temple.

Had I ruined things with Carmilla?!

That…

Had I? Eep. 

Checking my phone quickly there were no messages. 

Did I care that she… Was more than human? I don’t think so. I was just overwhelmed last night. The horror of thinking a killer was after me. The oppressive dark horror of the factory at night. It was too much for me. I sleep in a room full of giant teddy bears and stuffed toys; last night was the system shock of all system shocks.

However.

Despite the skin crawling dread I felt safe the closer I was to Carmilla. Next to her. I was always pushed around. Always bullied and felt unsafe and in her presence those thoughts didn’t exist. Maybe I should text her. Maybe. Though if she hadn’t texted me maybe she thought I wasn’t worth it. After having such a great date night. Like amazing great, greatly amazing date night I was weird and awkward… 

Shit.

The front door slammed and I was close to jumping out of my skin. Dad was back. 

“LAURA COME DOWN HERE AND MAKE ME SOME COFFEE!” He bellowed up the stairs. 

-  
“They’re not mine!” I pleaded as my returning father held the packet of cigarettes he found in my room out. “I…” Trailing off I couldn’t say I had someone here. Especially a girl in my bed. Never saw Carmilla smoke but they must be hers. Why was he even going through my room!

“Lying makes this even worse!” My father was beside himself, if it were a cartoon steam would literally be coming out his ears. He dragged the footstool in front of his arm chair and just arrogantly pointed instructing me to sit. I did. “Remember this.” He pulled a cigarette out of the pack, took it to his lips and lit it. The smoke rose and before I knew what was happening he brought the orange glowing tip to my exposed arm and buried it into the flesh. I screamed. Screamed in pain as he stubbed it out.

I think I stopped screaming and fell into pathetic whimpers by the 5th.

-

Waiting by the school for Carmilla, hoping to apologize or to pretend nothing happened or to ask her to sweep me off my feet and take me out of this place and awful life. Ah. Shaking my head hard I shook out those dark thoughts. My arm was still burning. I had 16 nasty red welts blistering all over my forearm. There were a lot more than 16 nasty looks given to me. Some people gave me the finger or muttered some insult. Still hating ME for my FATHER’s punitive detention regime. 

Will’s car pulled up and he got out. Then… Nothing. She didn’t. 

He strolled into school, with his cocky swagger, clearly aware of the stares and hushed whispers of all the other girls in schools fawning over him still.

“Hey kid,” Will approached me. His nostrils flared and his eyes glanced down at my clothed covered wrist and brief scowl crossed his face. Was he like Carmilla too? More than human? 

“Hi…”

“Carm is sick today,” he said in an unreadable monotone. “So there is no need to wait out here, go get warm.”

“What’s the matter with her?” I asked flanking him into the school. There were more questions which were swimming around my head but I didn’t know Will well enough to chance it. 

“Grumpiness. Hey,” He called off to Danny who waved at him but he didn’t stop, just kept walking with me. “Look, you’re a nice girl. Carmilla isn’t. I’m not telling you what to do, please don’t think that. Just don’t fall head over heels for her without thinking okay?” He said darkly pulling me aside. “I get the feeling you really wouldn’t want to suffer… more than you have,” his eyes strayed to the burn marks on my arm under my sleeve again. 

“Erm, I can make my own decisions!”

“I know! I know!” Will held his hands up in surrender. “I’m not being pushy here, not telling you what to do or anything like that. Just,” he trailed off, pushing his hair back as he thought. Have fun with her, fool around whatever, just try not to fall for her. There’s a lot of stuff about her and me for that matter which… Which you won’t like.”

“Like not being human?” I said meaning to be flippant and light but the deep furrows in his brow showed he didn’t take as such.

“She told you?!” He whispered through his teeth.

“No. More showed.”

“Carm!” He groaned in frustration. “Well go ahead then,” he smirked. “Do what you like with my big sister,” he tousled my hair. 

“Big sister? You’re in the year above us,” I asked as I fixed my hair indignantly. 

“Looks can be deceiving, I’ll catch you later kid,” Will winked, the light heartedness returning as he went to go before pausing and rocking back on his heels. “I don’t think you would or anything but don’t tell anyone whatever it is you saw.”

“I’d be put in the loony bin! Or told I was on drugs. If my dad thought I did drugs I would be dead.”

“True.”

“Thanks Will, you’re a good guy,” I smiled at him. Feeling a little better. Though obviously still anxious and panicking and on the verge of tears.

“I’m not, but you’re welcome…” Will paused once more and turned and walked back to me and out of nowhere gave me a hug. “My father was a real dick too. It gets better.” It was nice, he gave me a squeeze, let go, winked again and left for real that time.

That was strange. Did he know what had happened with my father. He did glance down at my arm.

Wait his dad was a dick? Right because of that story of their parents being in London or New York or whatever was a false front. I really should have figured that out. Some aspiring journalist I was. Too scared to go into a danger zone of the factory and too blind and uninquisitive to work out basic inaccuracies in people’s stories. 

I rooted through the pockets of my massive baggy overcoat for my phone.

L(hey u ok? x)

-

School was hell. That horrible nervousness dominated my day. I had all but forgotten that some mean students had tried to trick me into thinking I was being targeted by the killer. Instead Carmilla dominated my day. No reply. No response. No text back. I guess all three of those things mean the same thing… Still…

However the memory came rushing back when I went to put some books away in my locker and some cold, sticky liquid flowed out and sprayed me in the face as I opened it. The hiss of a spring and the following splat knocked me for a loop. 

In the middle of the hall. 

In front of everyone.

Laughter erupted.

“Fuck you Hollis!” 

Frozen in place. I couldn’t move despite all sense telling me that I had to leave, instead of staying in the crosshairs of the whole school. As if that wasn’t enough I was shoved hard forward. Only at the last second I got my hand up to stop my head bouncing off the locker. Unfortunately it was my cigarette burn covered arm. Screaming in pain I swallowed some the metallic tasting liquid I was sprayed with. 

A hand grabbed me under the armpit, it wasn’t rough though. Unexpectedly. It was gentle and steadied me on my feet. 

“Hey stay out this new kid!”

“Get up, come on, I’ve got you,” Will’s voice I recognized over the malicious murmurings. I didn’t have my bearings. I had opened my eyes and had to close them immediately from the sting. I wiped my face my sleeve and finally looked down it was all red and gooey and… Bloody. Not bloody in the British sweary way, more the inside you stuff way. 

I instinctively huddled into Will’s side. He was facing off against what could be generously called a hate filled mob. 

The same football team jock asshole who confronted me at the bus stop was in front of the gaggle of people who were snickering and laughing at me, flanked by his meathead friends. Still in shock I just stayed close to Will.

“Come on, let’s get you out of here,” Will spoke to me ignoring everyone else.

“You’re not…” The guy trailed off as Will fixed him with a stare, marching up to the jock and making intense eye contact Will muttered something I couldn’t hear. He backed off.

“Fuck off pussy,” Will spat, some that deep resonance I had heard in Carmilla’s voice, in his. He held my arm and dragged me off. It was a blur. The shock carried me forward in a haze of unconnected thoughts, none able to stay long enough to form a proper thought. 

“What… What…” I stuttered when we were alone in the back of the school away from everyone.

“Breathe.”

A few deep breathes and a few more, then a lot more I was able to find clear thoughts. 

“Okay?”

“Yeah, I, well no not really,” I whimpered tears falling down. “What is this?!”

Will took the tip of his finger and ran it over my soaked clothes, the red liquid dripping from his digit. To my FURTHER shock he tasted it. Rocked his head side to side as he contemplated. “It’s a mix,” he mused, taking another finger full of it to his mouth. “Pig and sheep blood.”

“Blood?!?!” I squeaked.

“Yeah,” he continued to take dabs and taste them nodding as he did. “Pig and sheep, you can buy blood from most butchers.”

“How can you tell what animal it is?”

“Experience,” Will shrugged off his jacket, “it’ll be too big for you but take this.”

“You can’t! Will no, you’ll freeze!”

“You know I won’t,” he smirked. Oh right. He wouldn’t. I took the jacket discarding mine and using my already soiled jacket to wipe all the other blood. Blood! Ah. Jesus. Off. His jacket was freezing, like no one had worn it. 

“Thanks Will. Again.”

“Don’t worry about it. At all. Don’t let them see you cry okay?”

-

If I thought the week started badly I was sorely mistaken. The blood incident was the worst thing which happened. Just everyone hated me. Everyone! Carmilla hadn’t texted me back, still. Hadn’t come to school all week! It went from worse to worse. I felt oppressed. Unsafe. Home was no sanctuary. The fear of my father morphed into fear of my fellow pupils and then morphed back to my father and so on. 

Getting a detention was the last thing I wanted. Yet I managed to. On Friday morning, while I was maybe running away from football team and the cheerleader types I headlong bumped into a science teacher who immediately gave me detention and an embarrassing dressing down.

I cried in the bathroom at lunch. Avoided my friends because I felt too pathetic to hold a conversation. 

I cried in my room until I slept.

Then I cried before school. I remembered Will’s words and never let anyone see that though.

-

“Hollis!”

I kept walking faster out of the school from my second ever detention. Being short that didn’t help much. The long stride of that one guy from the football team. Theo, I’d found his name out. He caught up with me in no time. In the worst place. Worst week ever so of course it would be. Alone by the bus stop again. In the night. With someone who hated me. 

“Hollis!”

“What?” I tried to sound defiant. There was little defiance left in me. Just tiredness and sadness. 

“You fuckin’ bitch, your dad gave me detention everyday this week!”

“Maybe you shouldn’t be such an ass.”

“You better watch it!” He growled rounding his shoulders.

“Or what? You’ll be more of a prick? Or you’ll hit me? I’m 5 foot you're like 6’3.”

“So fuckin’ what!”

“How am I the bad guy? I haven’t done anything, you’re the one bullying me!” I found my defiance. At the end of my tether. Finally snapping. 

“You don’t know what bullying is!” He shoved me back into the snow. This was actually happening wasn’t it. “I’ll show you fucking bullying.” Theo raised his leg to stamp on me, “you cunt!” I closed my eyes and raised my arm to protect my face. Waiting, waiting and nothing. I opened one eye slightly. Where was he? I picked myself up out of the freezing dirt and looked left and right. He was gone. 

…

Whatever. I’ll take it.


	8. eight: personal hell

8

I could taste blood for the second time in a week. This time it was mine. Not sure how I was bleeding from the mouth but I was. The back of my head sore. Picking myself up out of the snow and looking around Theo was gone. He had vanished. Nowhere to be seen… 

Am I going crazy?! Is this like some Shutter Island stuff where I’m going crazy and none of it has happened? Doesn’t seem likely. Though what I’ve been exposed to over the last few weeks, that shouldn’t be possible. Either I was going crazy or I dreamed a lot of stuff or… Had I been one of the girls who was killed and this was purgatory. No that was the least likely. 

Theo was still gone. Disappeared in the night.

I almost had a heart attack when the headlights of the bus came down the road. 

“You gettin’ on?” The driver asked me impatiently as I paused on the road to check one last time. I hope he was alright… Actually? Did I? Would I miss him if he was gone? Hmmm. Maybe, maybe not. 

===c===

“Are you going to school next week?”

“No,” I grumbled into my sheets, covered by a blanket.

“Are you going to get out of bed?”

“No.”

“Come on Carmilla get up.”

“Fuck off,” I slung a pillow at him so hard it burst in a feathery mess against the wall.

“You know I’ve been protecting your little blonde for you?”

“Against?” I finally rolled over and sat up.

“Bullies. Everyone hates her ‘cause of her father,” Will said standing over me with his arms crossed in an incredibly patronizing manner. 

“Bullies are part of a regular girl’s life. We’re not.”

“No… Maybe not…” Will agreed slowly. “She asks about you all the time. I don’t she cares about the whole… Evil, blood sucking monster thing.”

“She doesn’t know about the blood sucking part.”

“Oh? Really? Shit. Well she does now. She said you showed what you are and I thought that meant… Everything.”

“You fucking idiot.”

“You’re a fucking idiot.”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck you right back Will.”

“Look, whatever, the girl is suffering and she likes you. You guys haven’t even had sex right?”

“It’s none of your business.”

“I’m not prying. I’m saying she’s all smitten with you and come on, be honest you are with her.”

“Look, I… Fuck off again.”

“I’m not trying to have our usual bullshit. Why are you torturing yourself?”

“I’ve been introspecting.”

“Jesus fucking christ!” Will slapped a hand to his forehead in frustration. “Never ever do that.”

“I know.”

“That’s like rule 101, never ever think about yourself!”

“I said I know!”

“Listen I know my tough love threats mean nothing ‘cause you could kill me before I could blink, however,” Will sucked in an unnecessary breath. “Stop moping, text her back, suck it up and get your ass back to school.”

 

=

Wandering Through The Darkness,  
Looking For Souls To Harvest,  
Rising From Coffins To Put Others In Caskets,

The Night Air Hit Me Like A Cold Wave,  
December ‘63, JFK Fresh In The Grave,

Will And I Were On The Hunt,  
An Apartment Block With Vaporizing Trails Of Joints And Blunts,  
Holding A Pizza Box As A Front,

Laughter And Fun Before We Enter, First We Stun, The Smiles Are Done, And After We Strike Like A Tonne, They Hung From The Rafters.

Thieves In The Night,  
Fangs In Their Jugulars, Bleeding Them Dry,  
The Devastation Of The Strike From A Meteorite,

Savage Insane Psychos,  
Moving Faster Than Lightening Bolts,  
Vividly Not Subliminally Twisting Minds With Our Flow Of Mind Control.

=

I shook it off. The memories of our worst massacres weren’t worth reliving. Yet Will was right, introspection was a terrible path to take. Opening a dark box, locked deep inside. All the vileness pouring out. The worst part of all of it. I didn’t really feel bad. Well I did. I do. It just also comes with the recollection of spilling blood…

What am I fucking doing?!

I wanted blood I took it. Wanted life I took it. Wanted a girl or a woman I took them. Now I’m hiding from a girl who wants me back? I’m an idiot. 

Walking through the snow again. Yet again.

“Hollis!”

I heard the shout from a mile away. The hate in the voice. The threat of violence palpable. So maybe I hadn’t just wandered within distance of the school by chance. Getting closer and closer, at a speed which would break a human’s neck. Lingering in the pitch black of the late afternoon I saw some idiot confronting Laura.

It hurt my heart. It may not beat but hey, apparently it can pang with emotion. Thought I lost that feeling during the Napoleonic Wars. I saw her last Saturday and yet just under a week later it felt like an eon. 

“You don’t know what bullying is!”

Laura was pushed back into the snow. He was at least 6’4 she was just 5’. The anger tore through my body as my fangs tore through my gums. He barely had a chance to call her a ‘cunt,’ before I had a hold of his arm and disappeared far away from Laura into the seclusion of the woods. 

“What the fuck!” He cried. Finding himself on his ass in the snow.

“Do you know what’s funny?”

“Your eyes,” he breathed, barely audible. They would have turned pitch black with a red ring around the iris, it was all part of the intimidation of a predator. Humans read each other through their eyes and the black was devoid of life and the red was danger. 

“Do you know what’s funny?” I repeated calmly. 

“Eyes…”

Grabbing him by the lapels of his jacket I picked him up, letting his legs dangle uselessly. “DO YOU KNOW WHAT’S FUNNY?” I bellowed allowing all three centuries of my age to resonate in my voice. 

“What?” His voice trembled. I could smell the urine spilling down his leg. 

“You think you know what bullying is. If you even look at Laura Hollis again…” I trailed off to let my head twitched violently to side and growl deeply from my throat. “I will lift you. I will rip you open. I will devour your soul. Then I will pour your heart out into the snow.” I dropped him back into the white powdered ground. The smell of shit mingled with the piss as full panic took hold. 

=

“Did you kill anyone yesterday?”

“No,” I replied as Will intruded on my personal space once again. 

“Well then our serial killing pal has been up to his old tricks.”

“The police force in this town are a fuckin’ shambles.”

“Well,” Will’s tone turned flippant, “If you didn’t kill one of their detectives they might be a bit more proficient.”

“Who knows. Young girl again?” I asked wanting to get off the topic of my murder. I wasn’t feeling that great about them right now. Not that I felt bad. No. No. No sir. However definitely didn’t feel good. A sudden cascade of panic struck me, “Was it?!”

“Nope,” Will interrupted, “do you really think if it was your little high school crush I would be so blase about it.”

“You are an asshole.”

“Correction I was and intend to be again but now I’m nice Will!”

“If you refer to yourself in the third person again. I’ll break all your fingers.”

“Will’s fingers will heal.”

“I’ll break your computer games then,” I shot back. 

“My saves! Okay, okay fine. Some girl who worked at the ice cream place down by the bay was found. Her guts torn open and some of her skin cut off, taken as a trophy I suspect.”

“Huh, I think I remember her…” I mused remembering my first little date with Laura. 

“I saw men’s guts get torn out when I landed in Normandy,” Will reflected. “The machine guns tore my guts out. It hurt. Lucky I had mother’s blood or… Whatever fuck that.” He shook his head. 

“Oh don’t go all war hero on me, you drunk raped a load of English women then got off a boat and died you did fuck all.”

“Fuck you! You should respect veterans!”

“Whatever goodwill your ‘war service’ achieved you undid within a week of you waking back up,” I snapped. “I got the message go away. Go away. Go away. Go away.” He went away. Good. 

I did plan on going after this guy and putting an end to him, do a good deed for once but I couldn’t even be bothered with that. I was too riddled with lethargy and self-doubt right now. Besides making a teenage boy shit and piss himself could be counted as my good deed for… Say the century? No. New leaf. 

The decade. Good deed of the decade. 

\---l---

Monday morning I waited where I waited last week for Carmilla but only Will got out of the car. He caught my eye immediately and just shrugged offering up his hands in apology. Seriously?! I retreated inside the school. The hisses and the looks of contempt I received weren’t getting more familiar. They hurt more and more. Fresh and deeper wounds, being ripped open and salt poured in everyday, every minute of everyday.

We were dragged into an assembly, my father’s stern voice barking over the tannoy gave me flashbacks to his own form of spiteful discipline. 

Have you ever tried to scream inside your own head and making yourself feeling a bit woozy and sick? If not, it isn’t pleasant. It was so unfair. This tyrant; dear ol’ daddy, was torturing me at home and then I was tortured at school for his torturing of the student body… I almost got angry at my mom for dying and leaving me with him as he spiraled into an inquisitor and slave driver… That made me feel atrocious. What a nasty and selfish thing to think. Just… Just I’m at my wit’s end. Never feeling safe. Always under attack from every angle. 

How messed up was my life when there was a serial killer on the loose, whose victim profile I matched, and he was third or fourth on my list of priorities. 

“Gabriella Morgan, a worker at the Coldstream Creamery, was found dead this weekend, SILENCE,” my father roared at the assembled students as they muttered to each other at this news. “In light of this I’m banning seniors from going to town for lunch. I said SILENCE!” He bellowed again over the wave of disappointed moans from those affected. “If you leave school premises during school hours you will have a three hour detention on Saturday morning. Now get to class now you’re already late and lateness will earn you a detention. HURRY!”

This is going to get a lot worse isn’t it. 

-

So maybe I’d been crying in the toilets. So what? Who didn’t have the occasional cry… At every free opportunity to release some of the bile filled pressure which was rotting away your very soul? She who isn’t suffering some sort of mental breakdown cast the first stone. 

I almost had a heart attack when the doors opened and several pairs of feet entered the bathroom. I choose the bathroom which was rarely used. So this was unusual. 

“Can you believe this shit?! I wanted to meet Greg at lunch!”

“Wish I had a college boyfriend!”

“He has friends. We can go to their place instead of that creepy factory. Meet some boys, smoke some grass, snort some coke, get fucked up it’ll be great.”

The misery was slowly eating a hole inside me which was being replaced quite rapidly with hatred. I loathed those ‘popular girls,’ those jock assholes. I didn’t want to be a victim but the way I was treated was kicking someone while they were down. 

“Fuckin’ Hollis.”

“I know right.”

I could hear three separate voices and though I couldn’t put names to them I certainly recognized them. In fact I think they might be the girls who pushed me over the week before at the bus stop. Fuckin’ bitches. 

“We’re going to get that daughter of his.”

“Laura? I hate her.”

“Everyone does. Apart from those ginger freaks.”

“We should speak to Theo and we can work some way to fuck her up. Ruin her world!”

It was already ruined! I screamed inside my head again. Venom poured from my pores. 

“I spoke to him I think he had a wild weekend.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah he was all fucked up still, like his eyes and shit.”

“We’ll get her.”

“Fucking definitely fucking get her. Did you know Jake asked her out once and she said no!”

“Jake? Definite dyke.”

The door swung and the footsteps went out of earshot. This was… People were meeting to conspire against me? This was beyond… I hated them. Hated them. I wanted them hurt. Lashing out would soothe the sores I’d developed for being lashed out against. I’m the person everyone takes their fucking problems out on! It was completely undeserved! Completely. It wasn’t fair to wish someone else hurt, I know that, but what was happening to me was certainly not fair so maybe in an unfair world revenge wasn’t such a morally objectionable thing to desire. I had always thought it was but its easy to think so when you have no reason to wish for it in the first place. 

Stomping out in the hallways I saw my friends but dodged them, as I had been for a week. I just wasn’t in the mood for any conversation. They didn’t want my company right now anyway. All mopey and sad so I’m doing them a favor by keeping my distance.

A near full can of coke hit me right in the side of my forehead as, lost in my own unhappy thoughts, as I wandered to my last class of the day. Just crack. The sting was horrible. A trickle of blood came from my head as I groaned in head splitting pain. I was vaguely aware of something be yelled out past the developing fuzziness inside my head. 

What the hell? Assault? 

I just fled the scene, pathetically scampering away, forgetting my dignity temporarily. 

-

“What is that?” My father seethed in the kitchen as I placed his dinner on the table. I had to make it, let him eat alone, wash up for him then eat mine, cold, later. 

“Nothing,” I tried to turn away quickly, I had been hiding the red, forming scar, keeping my hair over the wound. He snatched at my wrist and pulled me over to the table and roughly shoved my hair out of the way. 

“What happened?” He asked sternly.

“Nothing, I tripped.”

“It doesn’t look like that,” he said pushing his thumb painfully directly into the cut. I squirmed and grunted in pain. “It looks like you’ve been struck! I told you the weak get bullied and it pushes the weakness out of them,” or breaks them I thought bitterly trying not to move under his excruciating touch. “I won’t have my daughter being bullied and just taking it.”

“Shouldn’t that be the teacher’s job?!” I snapped wrenching myself free from his grasp.

“So, first,” he smugly raised two fingers, “you’re admitting it was some other kids when at first you lied to me, to your father!” Yes that’s the important issue here I fumed internally. “Secondly how can you let yourself be so weak as to be bullied! Pathetic! Get out of my sight!”

Oh I will. 

===c===

“Can you get that?” Will called from the living room. Despite being in there, playing his stupid game. He pretended he was just blending in but he was in love with that mindless distraction. The knock was repeated on the front door and sighing loudly so my brother knew of my resentment I got up to answer it.

If some motherfucker wanted to borrow half a cup of sugar I might just kill them. 

I tore open the front door to see a sobbing Laura, her eyes red and streaks on her cheeks where the tears had fallen. Before I could even speak she flung herself at me and wrapped her arms around my back. Holding me really tightly. Crying again, sobbing really, bodily. I put my arms around her back and squeezed her close, as close you could get with all the winter clothing. 

Taken a bit off my game I, not expecting the girl, socially awkward, dorky girl to be brave enough to sneak out on a school night, I just hugged her back for a while.

She finally broke the hug and scowled at me, what the hell?! She then balled up her little fists and hit me in the shoulders a couple times with the side of her hands.

“Why are you ignoring me?!” She asked angrily. 

“Excuse me,” Will whistled as he scooted past us and shut the apartment door, “I just remembered I need to go out for a bit.”

We both waited until Will disappeared.

“Why are you ignoring me?!” She repeated pushing me a bit, I let her and rocked back on my heels, but she grabbed me by the lapels of my jacket and pulled me back, holding me tightly. 

“I’m… I wasn’t planning on doing it forever, just… I don’t know.”

“Don’t you like me? I thought you did?”

“I do! Just you were all freaked out by me last time,” I said slowly. “And I kind of thought about it and there is good reason to be.”

“I wasn’t freaked out by you! I was just freaked out going into a scary factory at night, I was pretty much convinced it was a serial killer lair and… It made me scared and irrational!”

“Right,” I said still speaking slowly, that did make sense. I was so narcissistic. 

“Right?! That’s it, okay, I’ve had the worst week ever last week! Everyone at school… My dad… You ignoring me!”

That last one stung. 

“I… Look cutie I’m thinking of what’s best for you, not for me.”

“I hate that!” She let go of me and walked past me to look out of the window wiping at her face as she went. “I hate when people think they know what’s best for me. So much.”

“Do you really want to be around someone you know has caused a lot of hurt in the past or probably will do in the future,” I lowered my voice and appeared directly behind her as I spoke. She didn’t flinch. 

“Yes.”

That shocked me. How determinedly she replied. It was so certain. 

“You do, do you?”

“Rhyming is stupid,” she replied turning around giving her eyes one last wipe. 

“You’re stupid,” I frowned at her. 

“Uh-huh,” she nodded slightly, “I guess so,” wrapping her hands in my lapels, tenderly this time though. She was staring into my neckline, sniffing, I could hear her heartbeat speed up and her blood surge around her body. Knowing what was coming I leaned down as she raised her head, meeting her lips with my own. 

We kissed softly, lightly, our lips coming to together and slowly moving apart and back together. It was sweet rather than passionate. Maybe passionate in a different, more subdued way. Taking a hold on her arms which were still propped up on my body. 

I growled with annoyance as the front door opened.

“Sorry I forgot my phone,” Will came in gingerly. I turned to glower at him. “Hey you made up! Good for you guys!” 

“Get the fuck out now! Now fuck out get!” 

“Bye girls,” he waved cheerily, unaffected by my anger. 

“Ruined that moment,” Laura sniffed again. “So stop ignoring me now!”

“Happy you’re making a stupid decision?”

“Oh that?” she lightened up in a sudden flash, still looking like she’d cried A LOT but happy. “Yeah, more than happy.” 

“Hmmm, well you did say that you hated people trying to think for you.”

“Like really hate it,” she confirmed with a single eager nod. 

“So… Yeah, it wouldn’t be selfish for me to…” I broke off to kiss her again. 

“Nuh-huh,” she mumbled into my mouth. “So will you be at school tomorrow?”

“Yes, will you be grumpy and sad?”

“Probably, but a little less. Look I have to go, I kind of snuck out after my dad when to sleep full of indignant rage but… I need to get back…”


	9. nine: the night is my friend

9

4am. 

It was laaaaate. Would have to wake up and get to school in a couple hours. 

I wasn’t nervous walking home, was finally in a good mood for once! For once! I felt a little safer knowing Carmilla wasn’t going to ignore me. Especially when I left her place and got a text from her asking me to let her know when I was home safe. 

It didn’t strike me until I was halfway home that I was being a moron being out this late. A real idiot. Just, I had been driven to do something drastic by everyone else being awful. It was just, when thinking about it a bit more logically… What was that?!

I spun on my heel to squint into the mesh of natural darkness and artificial orange of the street lights. Someone was there… Oh god.

Keep walking. Keep walking. No don’t just keep walking, walk faster. Running actually was the smartest option. So do that. Go legs go. 

The sound of a second pair of feet was distinct. The benefit of it always snowing made everyone’s feet crush in the slush. I broke into a jog still not wanting to look over my shoulder properly. My heart was pounding in my ears. A bead of sweat stuck a strand of hair against my cheek. Sweat? In Alaska? Just keep moving. 

I got to my front door and slammed the key towards the lock, missing it by a quarter inch. I fumbled as I got it opened and turned to face the street seeing my stalker. Definitely seeing him. No imagination. No high school hijinks nor pranks. A man stopped across my street, standing in the orange glow of the street light. His face obscured by a ski mask. His form hidden by a bulky, long coat which went down to the snow. Opening the door I couldn’t seem to move in regular speed. Despite the danger I had to stare. He raised his gloved hand and held two fingers up about an inch apart; indicating ‘this close.’ His other hand was covered by the sleeve of the long black jacket, but unmistakable glint of a steel blade flashed from where it should be. I closed the door. Harder than I meant to.

Fear of the outside twisted in the secondary fear of what was inside my house. 

I tore off my jacket and hung it up quickly so if I was caught by my father he wouldn’t know I had been out. It was such a risk. Wait. No. Wait a second. There was someone fucking chasing me! My mind was just a mess of confusing worries, anxieties and… Just a mess. 

Just had to lie in bed, in my clothes, not sleeping, not able to stop the shakes but… In spite of all that. Despite the almost getting murdered, AGAIN! Well not again, for real this time. I wasn’t as worried about it as I should be. Well clearly my body was, I couldn’t control the shakes. I couldn’t use my phone as my fingers trembled too much to select anything specifically. 

However!

Big however.

I did feel safer. I remember what Carmilla said to me when I first thought a killer was pursuing me home. That all the monsters were scared of her. I believed her when she said it.

-

Not even a moment of sleep meant that when I got onto the school bus. The bus I had to take because my dad didn’t want to give me a lift. Not that I was clamoring to spend extra time with him. I didn’t get caught with my late night sneaking about thank god. 

“Hey,” Carmilla said nonchalantly, walking past me. I just jogged to catch up and fall in suit. That’s it? Hey. After all the… Erm. Malarkley? That’s a fun word, I’ll try to drop it into conversation. “Hey?” She repeated.

“Oh hi, hey, what’s up?”

“Nothing.”

“So you're not going to mention all that malarkey which happened last week?!” I spluttered. Though blam used the word straight away. Go me. 

“Malarkey?”

“I’m sticking with it.”

“That’s cute.”

“Uh-huh, so…”

“So…”

“The shit last week?”

“Do you want me to talk to your dad?” She stopped all of a sudden and I jolted to a sudden and lot less graceful halt. 

“About?” That seemed like a terrible idea.

“The abuse?” She said flatly, I was aware of my awkward and not so subtle glances left to right. Typical lying thing to do. I almost squeaked but held it in when she grabbed, not unpleasantly, my wrist and forced my layers of clothing back to reveal the angry red and yellowing scabs and scars caused by the cigarette burns. 

“No!” I tore my arm away. “Definitely not… How did you know about that?”

“I smell the burnt flesh.”

“Ooookay. Well no. I’d rather you didn’t. Erm, right, but in other news last night after I left yeah, so I was walking home and I definitely saw the killer! Like definitely 100%. No lie. He was… Rambling right?” I trailed off as she held up a hand. She nodded slowly. 

“I believe you. I told you I should I have walked you back.”

“I didn’t want you to. I was making a statement!” I explained. “I was letting you know that I was willing to throw caution to the wind so you don’t… Well would continue with… Whatever… It… Is… We… Have… Are, doing, together, please feel free to rescue me from this… This… Erm, malarkey.” Twice in a row! Oh right murder and relationships. Focus Laura.

“Sure. Well good job. So you saw him?”

“Yes, I did. I ran and got to my door and he waved from the street.”

“Friendly.”

“I don’t think it was friendly.”

“Sarcasm there literal answer. I did tell myself that I would hunt him down and....” It was the brunette’s turn to trail off.

“Kill him.”

“Well, yeah, but I didn’t think you would want to hear that.”

“I’m not as sweet as you imagine.”

“No?” She cocked a bemused eyebrow. “That’s a shame ‘cause that’s part of what I’m attracted to.”

“Kind of attracted to your… Evil is the wrong word. I’m not good at this stuff.”

“That was sweet,” she smirked that infuriatingly beautiful smirk, pushing some of the hair free from my face and running the back of her nail against my skin making me tremble. “Actually thinking of you embracing the hate is cute and sweet in itself.” She mumbled getting close to me, her nose grazing my cheek.

“No, no, no, wait,” I pushed her back.

“What? I thought you missed me?”

“Not at school. If my dad found out…” I went white at the thought.

“Shame. Makes it more illicit I suppose,” she hummed. “What class do we have?”

“Really?”

“I don’t know.”

“English. What about me almost getting killed.”

“Okay. I’ll speak to Will. Stop going out late on your own.”

“I will if you don’t stop ignoring me.”

“Don’t stop.”

“Whatever!” I got flustered. “Whichever one is you being nice to me.”

“That would me never talking to you again and staying out your life.”

“Well the one where that doesn’t happen and I get to see and kiss your face and stuff,” I went from white to red turning my head to hide the blush. 

“Cute. By the way who did that to your face?” She gestured to the scratch left by the coke can. “I want a name.”

“I don’t know.”

“Hmmm.”

-

“Hollis!”

Oh of course. The one moment I stray from Carmilla’s side to get some stuff from my locker was when I was confronted. I turned, annoyed more than anything now. Marking the faces of those who were coming to confront me, remembering them. ‘All the monsters are scared of me.’ Monsters could take many forms. In the walls of this school the monsters took a more tall, blonde and football playing or cheer leading form. Still were monsters as far as I’m concerned.

“What?” I spat back. I couldn’t see Theo. I had seen him a couple times since he almost kicked me to bits in the snow. He hadn’t been able to look me in the eye. Had been a wreck. It made me so happy.

“What do you think?”

I was pushed back against the locker, but I used my own body weight to rock back from the locker and turn my momentum into a hard shove of my own. 

“You fucking bitch.”

“Leave me alone… Or else,” I seethed the last words through gritted teeth. 

“Or else what?”

“Or else.”

“The fuck!” The girl jumped as Carmilla seemingly appeared directly behind her ear. She scurried over to her friends, still not backing down as Carmilla took her place just in front of me. Protecting me from the hate. Not that I didn’t feel more hate than anyone else in this school could imagine. They didn’t know what hate is.

“Or else you get hurt,” Carmilla said. The soul breaking gaze I’d seen Will use against Theo, I’d seen her use to get out of doing classwork made the bullies shrink away. 

“What’s the meaning of this!” Of all people, of all teachers it had to be my father who bullied his own path into the middle of this. He hadn’t been there for me when I was getting shit thrown at me! He wasn’t there for me at all! He hadn’t been there when I was being attacked after school! He was an asshole. Not just being my father. Just as a man. What an asshole. “Laura! Of course. Always in trouble aren’t you!” No I wasn’t I screamed internally. I was never in trouble! Seriously. What an asshole. “You!” He pointed to me, “you too new girl, and all four of you!” He pointed to each of my bullies in turn. “Detention after school!”

“Fuckin’ asshole,” Carmilla muttered when it was just us again. “Sorry, I know he’s your dad.”

“He is an asshole!” 

“Least I have some faces.”

“Thanks by the way.”

“Don’t sneak off. You’re small and easy to lose in a crowd… Or just in an empty hall. On a freshly mowed lawn… You’re small.”

“Pffft, good one.”

“I thought so.”

“You don’t seem too upset by detention.”

“I’m not going to that!” She laughed. “Are you serious? You thought I was going?” The laugh deepened. 

“Well I am. So you have to!”

“I’m not your bodyguard.”

“A little bit you are though?”

“Fine cutie, I have nothing but time anyway.”

“You have me right now,” I beamed at her trying to be sweet before I realized the easy innuendo in those words and wiped the grin from my face.

===c===

I wanted to see first hand some of these nothings, these high school nothings, try any of their bullshit on Laura. If they did I wouldn’t feel like a bad person, or not person, for visiting violence upon them. 

I rather liked the fire all the hate had brought out in her. I felt bad not seeing her. It was a week. Just one week and yet a lot could happen in a week. In and out of politics it was a long time. 

Wasn’t quite sure why I had been avoiding her actually. It didn’t really make sense. Plus none of anything I did made sense. Reality left me a long time ago and everything I did felt weirdly consequence free and had done so for a couple hundred years. Just disconnected from everything. Well until now. Stupid, cute, honey haired idiot. Making me feel shit with her personality and stuff. 

The fear radiating off those who choose to take their own miseries out on Laura was palpable. They were scared of me. That beautiful fear of uncertain uneasiness. 

“Where are you going cutie?”

“The bus stop…” She stopped and looked at me a little confused. When her eyes glanced left and right with uncertainty before she settled on fixing me with a grin which was heart melting.

“Will will… Hmmm, Will is going to pick us up,” I fumbled over the repetition of the word. 

“That’s nice of him.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah. He’s nice.”

“Is he?”

“Sure. He helped me out a lot when you were awol.”

“Did he?”

“Stop it!” She whined stamping her foot. That made me laugh a little. Just adorable. “Where is he?”

“Late obviously.”

“Is he?”

“It doesn’t work when you do it,” I stifled a laugh. “Oh here’s stupid,” I pointed to the dark road as a moment later headlights broke the night and Will pulled up. “You’re getting in the back. ‘Cause you’re small.”

“I was happy to get in the back, oh hey Will, I was happy to get in the back you didn’t need to add a reason.”

“What’s life without extras?” I drawled. It’s shame the weather here meant everyone had to wrap up in so many layers it took away there form as Laura crawling behind the passenger in the three door car would have been a great view in California.... Just sayin’. Though Will and I would be a pile of ash there at this time. Barely 5 o’clock and it was pitch black. 

“Tsk, tsk girls, getting yourself in trouble,” Will chuckled as he spun the car recklessly around to take off back towards town. 

“Oh shut your fucking mouth.”

“It wasn’t our fault,” Laura piped up. “My dad’s being a prick.” We drove in silence for a moment or two. “What happened to Theo?”

“Whatcyha mean?”

“I mean when he was about to kick me and stuff and he disappeared… So… You… One of you,” Laura fumbled awkwardly/adorably over her words. “Disappeared and yeah.”

“That was me I threatened him a bit.”

“So another person knows we’re not normal,” Will groaned slapping his hand on the steering wheel. 

“I can’t remember what I said…”

“Its not really fine if little Laura back there knows but I don’t think she’ll tell anyone right?” 

“Nope!”

“Something about eating his heart.”

“Well good, but fucking lights, look you can’t be just showing us up everywhere!”

“Eating his soul maybe…”

“I don’t know if its just laziness or a lack of self control but you have to reign it in Carm!”

“Pouring out his heart!” I snapped my fingers. “That was it.”

“Good productive talk there.”

“Huh, turn that shit down as well,” I ordered as I almost tore the dial off the radio. It didn’t turn off. That annoying 1930s fucking big band bullshit. Will laughed and touched his phone and the music went off. “So, do you want to go kill this guy tonight or what?”

“You don’t need me.”

“Yeah but I get bored alone.”

“I’ve given up killing me people, you know, like for lent.”

“I hate you so much,” I growled. “You won’t even help me out in this? What if this guy tries to kill that giant redhead?”

“Danny!” Laura piped up from the back but we both ignored her.

“A killer wouldn’t go after her. Do you know how much hacking and sawing you’d need to do to get rid of that corpse?” Will laughed.

“You’re an old romantic huh?”

“A realist romantic? Maybe,” Will mused. “Besides Danny and I are just having fun together, I’m not falling head ov…”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Awwww! Are you all shy big sis? I thought your emotions died years and years ago,” Will teased.

“How old are you?” Laura piped up again from the back. I just would ignore that.

“Really old,” Will didn’t ignore that.

“So are you.”

“Nowhere near as old as you.”

“It’s impolite to ask a lady her age.”

“You’re not a lady.”

“How old are you then?” Laura asked again.

“I was born 1926.”

“You’re 90!”

“Well sort of I died June 6th 1944.” 

“We’re getting way off topic,” I growled at Will. Laura knowing all the horrible stuff about the two of us was one thing but going into specific details wasn’t an avenue I wanted to go down. Especially with Will present. I would have to make that hard choice of being genuine with Laura and Will laughing at me and rubbing it in. Or all too cool and nonchalant so Will didn’t have any leverage to be smarmy but potetinally hurt Laura’s feelings. So he would not be present if and when I explained my life and death story to her. “So you want me to go murderer murdering?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I come?”

“Definitely not. You can stay at home where its safe,” I turned to look at Laura who was wide eyed taking everything we were saying in. I could guess what it must be like for her. Present for a conversation which she shouldn’t be, about things she both shouldn’t know exist and shouldn’t even countenance existing. But hey, she did say she didn’t care. “I kind of need him to commit a murder to have a trail to follow.”

“Fingers crossed,” Will said mockingly. “You missed him before.”

“I got shot.”

“You got shot?”

We were basically ignoring Laura.

“So what? Pull the bullet out and find that motherfucka.”

“MotherfuckA?”

“I’m down with the youngsters. Here you go kid, Carm let her out!” Will snapped as he stopped outside of her father’s town house. 

“I’ll text you later,” Laura said looking up at me all doe eyed in the street. She still wasn’t scared though. I could tell. Despite what we had been talking about. That quick glance either side then back up to me was cute every time. I was taken aback when she raised herself up on her tiptoes and kissed me hard on the lips. “Okay bye this time.” She looked a bit flustered for a second more before going up the steps into her house. 

“You guys are adorable,” Will laughed as he reversed out of the centre of town. “You know if you want to catch this guy you’re going to need bait.”

“No.”

“Yes. Unfortunately.”

“Well I can be bait then. I look like an 18 year old girl,” I told him firmly. 

“Not blonde though…”

“Not all the victims were blonde.”

“Yes they were. There was one girl who wasn’t, and YOU killed her, this guy has just taken your thunder.”

“Oh right…” That took the wind out of my sails. I think I had been attributing a murder I committed to someone else… The thing is, in my defence, after a few hundred years, one’s memory went. Or grisly acts of violence all blended together. One or the other. Oops.

Still tonight this would be over, if I had my way. This week at least. Full week. Not working week. Month. Definitely in the month. Wait it was half way through the month. So not this month. Just 30 days. Or 31. That was a month. A proper month! 

Not lazy.

\---l---

“Didya kill him then?” I asked, trying to make that really heavy question with all sorts of moral questions within it, as if it were light and airy. 

“No. Couldn’t find him,” Carmilla sighed, combining her response with a flick of her head to correct her already perfect hair into a more perfecter, more perfect, perfectastic, place. Perfect probably would cover it. 

“Right… So still should be worried walking the streets,” I struggled to remain normal sounding. 

“You don’t need more stress in your life cutie.”

“I’m not with you,” I mumbled awkwardly feeling the red blush heating my cheeks. 

“No?” She smirked pausing to survey me with that look of hers which still made me squirm. “I think I may need to dye my hair blonde for night only.”

“Why? Oh bait right?”

“Don’t get…”

“I could do that,” I interrupted her. I hated feeling useless. 

“Could true. Should or will? Nope.”

“Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy?”

“Bec….”

“Yyyy… Whyyyy?” I trampled over her. 

“Because.”

“Not a reason, I could be bait! I could hang about in the city then when someone comes to kill me you just do your whooshing and…”

“Whooshing?! Still? Really?”

“Whooshing,” I confirmed, unabashed. “You whoosh and fangs and stuff.”

“Fangs?” She smirked and laughed.

“You’re a… Thingy aren’t you?”

“A?”

“Don’t make me say it.”

“Say what?”

“You know.”

“I thought you were cool with me being all monstery and shit,” the humor dropped from her voice. 

“I am. Totally. Just I don’t want to say you know, erm… Vampire,” I finished with.

“Vampyr eh?”

“Well are you denying it?” I asked.

“No, I guess I’m not. Getting braver by the day aren’t you?”

“So… Right. Erm. Hey.”

“Hey.”

“So you are a thingy?”

“Uggghhhh,” she sighed, dramatically letting her shoulders go limp. “Again, do you really wanna talk about it?”

“A little. I mean I need to know your, erm, powers?” My voice went really high there. “If I’m going to be bait.”

“You’re not.”

“I am,” I waved her off. “So I would like to know.”

“Know what?”

“Jesus! Stop messing me with.”

“Blasphemy isn’t big. It isn’t clever,” she drawled. 

“Do you believe in god?” I asked, curious more than anything. 

“Obviously not.”

“No, so ah… Erm. Blasphemy?”

“I was winding you up! And getting you off this topic.”

“As I suspected!” I snapped my fingers like a proper dork. I felt the creeping red of a further blush… Just push through it. “So if you are a… vampire,” I whispered the word. “What would the problem with me being bait be?” I waved to Will who winked at us walking by with his arm slung lazily over Danny’s shoulder. She waved too but was clearly more fixated on Will himself. “Because… Dammit, I got distracted… Oh right,” I snapped my fingers again. Even more dorky this time. “Because you can whoosh and fangs and teeth and death and badness.” I concluded with a conclusive nod…. Said concluded twice, drat.

“Hmmm, you’re not convincing me.”

“I thought I was really convincing. I bet Will would agree with me.”

“Will doesn’t care about you.”

“You care about me?!”

“Shut up.”

“You do. Awww thanks Carm, I care ‘bout you too and stuff,” I hugged her waist quickly. “It’s also nice that no one is trying to bully me when I’m with you.”

“They’re scared.”

“Damn right!” A third dorky finger snap. Why had I picked that annoying habit up?! Though in all honesty, I was about 95% sure that Carmilla liked my traits, nerdy ones especially. Not that I was hamming it up or changing or anything, it was just nice to recognize that someone liked my weird traits. Liked me for me! “Shouldn’t they be?”

“Yes.”

“So win win!” 

She just growled. Not a human growl. However I would take that as agreement. 

-

I need to thank Will. Well. Maybe thank is the wrong word. Wandering around the streets of Anchorage after hours on a Friday was a terrible idea. Though after Carmilla had spent the week complaining about no murdering to follow meant her hunt was unproductive I thought I would help. I had snuck out again, late after the witching hour. I have no idea if that's an actual term. Kind of gambled with it. Mind really isn’t focusing like it should be. It’s strange I suppose. When I know I really need to concentrate and I was in danger it was weird that I couldn’t. It was like the time I went skiing for the first time and my dad forced me to go down a slope I wasn’t ready for and I spent the terrifying descent trying to remember the name of the father from the Powerpuff girls. It was the professor. Professor X I think. Or was it? No that was the chemical… I’m doing it again.

Ow.

-

Wow. My head feels heavy. How long have I slept?! Wait. No wasn’t sleeping.

I cracked a tentative eye. 

Shit.

Oh double shit. I was being murdered wasn’t I? After volunteering myself and I had to insist, oh me pick me to go out and lure a knifey crazy lunatic with my soft stabbable organs! This is where that sort of mentality leads Laura. I’m tied to a chair in a dark room, barely lit with what are hard to make out in the light but still recognizable knives and surgical tools hanging from a trolley. I don’t think that’s jam on that trolley either.

“Awake are you?” A rather plain sounding voice cut through the darkness. Then with a deafening crack several high powered lamps cracked on, flooding the room with a blinding, clinical light. Even though they were chains not ropes hold my hands behind my back I still struggled as finally the man revealed himself. A normal voice was paired with a normal looking person. Minus the white apron he was tying on. Brown hair, not styled, short and just a face of any man you would pass on the street and forget a second later. Picking up a bonesaw he never turned his back to me, not breaking eye contact as he drew a long butcher’s knife from under his apron with his free hand. “Let’s get started.” He began walking towards me as there was a second louder crack.

The door, a big heavy meat locker door, which was much newer than the soot and grime coated walls, exploded to pieces and relief flooded over me as Carmilla strolled in. Strolled. Casually.

“Sorry cutie Will was being a prick,” she said calmly, ignoring the blade wielding crazy person. “He has to be an asshole,” she continued walking over to me and reaching behind me and I heard the chains crack and rattle as they shattered on the floor. She helped me up. “And now you.”

Carmilla turned into the knife which was buried into her gut. I gasped but she just chuckled, shoving our harasser back onto the ground. He whined in pain, he hit the ground so hard something must have broken. The knife lost all its threat instantly as I saw and heard it clang uselessly against the wall as Carmilla indifferently tossed it aside. 

“Don’t look,” she glanced at me over her shoulder. I was going to look. She sighed as I didn’t look away and disappeared momentarily and reappeared behind the downed murderer and placed her boot over his neck and quickly there was a quieter crack and he went limp. 

“Huh,” I mumbled.

“You okay?”

“It’s just anti-climatic. That’s it,” I stared at the body. That’s a dead body… Why don’t I care? He did deserve it. All the pain his murders caused to his victims. Though more selfishly I thought he made me suffer at school indirectly. “All those weeks, all the fear all the other stuff and that’s it.”

“What were you expecting?” She asked with a cocked eyebrow before checking on the hole in her t-shirt where the knife was. Her flesh was unmarked. “Someone’s coming,” she snapped into a weird stance, her back up and knees slightly bent; ready to pounce. 

A woman entered wherever this place was, brandishing a knife of her own. She was wild eyed as she surveyed the situation. Her eyes falling to the nameless body and they became even crazier. She threw her head back and howled like an animal and went to charge at us flailing with her weapon. She took one step before stopping while still trying to move forward. It didn’t make sense for a second until a hand burst through her chest. A second burst through her lower stomach. The screams were bone chilling. Primal and horrific. There was a vile tearing noise and the screams stopped as her torso was torn in half and the part with her head was thrown one side and lower stomach and legs the other. A dull wet thud, like dropping a sack full of damp compost.

Will walked through the gore his hands and forearms slick with blood. 

“Team work!” He announced proudly. His eyes were black. Pure black with a red circle around where the iris should be. It made me feel safe. Secure if anything. They were on my side. They were protecting me!

“Are you fucking serious?” Carmilla hissed.

“What?”

“Why would you do that in front of,” Carmilla just jolted her head towards me. 

“She knows what we are.”

“It doesn’t mean you can literally tear that bitch in fucking half.”

“I’m here helping! There’s really no pleasing you, are we done here?” Will asked as he wandered around the room we were in, inspecting the contents. “Pretty grim here.”

“Where are we?” I spoke up. I really didn’t feel like I felt I ought to feel. That makes sense.. Yeah, it does. I ought to be horrified and scared but I simply wasn’t. Linking my trembling fingers with Carmilla, she smiled softly at me taking my hand and squeezing it. 

“Under the foundary,” Will said, “it’s clever. We would never have found a trail down here. The sulfur, the soot, the smoke it would cloud our senses. I doubt the police would think about someone setting up base under the factory floor. Good job on the ol’ bait tactic kid.”

“Impressed?” Carmilla drawled tugging my hand to move me to the shattered steel sliding door and out of this place.

“Well, impressed is a strong word. It’s not as genius as say dumping bodies in the woods for any fucker to find on a hike,” he called after us as she led me up to a hatch. She appeared at the top of it and held her hand down and pulled me up like I weighed nothing. “Oh just leave I’ll clean this up.” I could hear his sarcasm echoing off the walls and I almost laughed despite myself. 

We walked in silence, still holding hands for a while.

“Now I have my dad to worry about,” I broke the silence and she snorted a genuine laugh. “What’s so funny?”

“You.”

“Why?” I asked indignantly. 

“It’s such a strange reaction, after seeing what you just saw, to worry about being grounded.”

“I kind of guessed it wouldn’t be pleasant. Plus if I’m grounded I can’t see you.”

“That’s sweet. Let’s get you home.”

-

Carmilla kissed me lightly on the cheek goodbye before staring into my eyes. It was strange. Like penetrating, checking if I was ok. Weirdly I was. All sense and reasons told me I should be having a mental breakdown. 

I closed the door as softly as I could, facing the closed door to slide the locks back into place.

“LAURA HOLLIS!”

Hmmm.

“Where in the hell do you think you’ve been!”

Could just unlock this door and go out again. I mean the streets were safe after all. 

“Come here NOW!”

If I had been willing to go out into that murder pit why would I be scared of my father? Good point me. Why thanks very much. Welcome. I very quickly tore the locks open and wrenched the door as I heard my father who I still hadn’t looked at running down the stairs.

I got the door open and out of it and closed it behind me. I was already down the street when my dad got outside. He wouldn’t shout at me in public. Even if it were this late. He was too crippled by concern of public opinion. 

Screw him. 

Taking my phone out I saw a couple texts already from Carmilla. I ignored them to call her. 

“Hey,” my voice was trembling, I didn’t realize that. I must have been more affected than I felt like I had. “Can I come over?”

The line went dead. I scowled at the black phone screen.

“Hey.”

I squeaked and jumped on the spot as Carmilla materialized next to me. 

“Oh hey Carm. Yeah can I come over?”

“Of course, I thought I would be a gentlewoman and walk you.”

I put a hand to forehead and intimated a swoon. She laughed and snatched my hand from my head and held it tight and pulled my body closer to hers. That security I felt came rushing back as we walked peacefully through the cold night. 

“What?” She asked softly as I stopped and stopped her by our linked hands. I looked up at her for a second, just appreciating her beauty. I couldn’t wait a second longer, I let go of her hand and wrapped my arms behind her, locking them behind the small of her back. I raised myself up on my tiptoes to very tenderly lay a sweet and sensual kiss to her lips. I waited for her to open her eyes again. “Let’s get back to mine eh?” I just nodded.

After a while I had to ask. 

“Can I see your fangs?”

“No.”

“Oh come on!”


End file.
